QUESTION: Fused Foreskin on my 2 1/2 year old - Page 2

[Pandora114]

Lemme guess it was Dr. Loveless that did the procedure right?

Wouldn't suprise me that he wouldnt tell you about the complications of the surgery. Hell he never even told me about the side effects of half the drugs he perscribed me over the two years I was his patient.

I wound up in EPS because of some psych med he encouraged me to try...

[Jaydens_mom]

Originally Posted by Pandora114

Lemme guess it was Dr. Loveless that did the procedure right?

Wouldn't suprise me that he wouldnt tell you about the complications of the surgery. Hell he never even told me about the side effects of half the drugs he perscribed me over the two years I was his patient.

I wound up in EPS because of some psych med he encouraged me to try...

I have NOOOO idea who you are talking about :| My son was born in parry sound ontario... not in Hamilton if that makes a difference. In parry sound we only have one circumcision doctor and that would have been my family doctor who delivered my son.

[Lula's Mom]

Oh my God. I have been laboring under the assumption that you were just uninformed, as so many parents are. Why did you do it?

[sadkitty]

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why?

This thread is so sad .

I was under the impression that Canada was a safe haven for foreskins.

[sophmama]

umm... a lot was posted in the mean time of when I was typing the original post - editing because it no longer applies.

Welcome to MDC anyways!

[Pandora114]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

I have NOOOO idea who you are talking about :| My son was born in parry sound ontario... not in Hamilton if that makes a difference. In parry sound we only have one circumcision doctor and that would have been my family doctor who delivered my son.

Sorry I assumed you lived in Hamilton when your DS was born.

[Jaydens_mom]

At the time my son was born i was a single teen mother. 17 to be exact.
I don't have a penis so i don't know the proper way of pulling the skin back and cleaning and etc... and i didnt really want to have to show him how to do it when he was older as i was molested as a child and have great fear in touching my sons penis when he is old enough to bath himself...
Maybe you might not understand.. but for me i think it was the right choice.

[Jaydens_mom]

It's alright... but ill try and steer clear of dr loveless... lol

[Pandora114]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

At the time my son was born i was a single teen mother. 17 to be exact.
I don't have a penis so i don't know the proper way of pulling the skin back and cleaning and etc... and i didnt really want to have to show him how to do it when he was older as i was molested as a child and have great fear in touching my sons penis when he is old enough to bath himself...
Maybe you might not understand.. but for me i think it was the right choice.

Acctually you'd be suprised how fast they figure that stuff out themselves. You dont have to fiddle with their penis when their small when their intact.

Just wipe it off like you would a finger. No big deal. Cuz the skin is acctually stuck to the head of the penis, and pulling it back causes damage and whatnot. It acctually pulls back on it's own.

And seriously, how many guys do you know need an excuse to play with themselves? None, it gets done in the shower without a hitch because it's akin to playin. Gets all clean and they have fun doin it. Basicly by the time the boy figures out how to masturbate, he's figured out how to get it clean.

[Lula's Mom]

And now we are back to "you didn't know". Because there is no pulling back and cleaning underneath to be done in an intact boy! Whoever told you that was wrong. You simply wash the outside like a finger. No retraction is necessary; it is a harmful thing to do. There is no more care involved in cleaning an intact boy's penis than a circumcised one; in fact there is less in the newborn period, since you are not dealing with an open wound sitting in urine and feces.

You need never touch your son's penis as he gets older. He can (and will!) do that himself. And... he does still have a penis. Does a circumcised one not hold the same fear for you?

I am so sorry about your molestation. That is a terrible thing that no one should ever have to go through. And so is circumcision. It's the old "two wrongs don't make a right", don't you see? You were harmed, and you have passed that harm on to your son. I know you didn't do it to hurt him, you were trying to protect yourself- but it is still never the right thing to do. I really hope you can go and get some counseling for what you went through, so that you can cope with it.

You are not the only one on MDC to deal with this issue, btw. We have a regular poster in the CAC forum who came before she had her son. She too was molested, by an intact man. She was terrified to leave her baby intact, but in the end with our help, she did. It helped her to deal with her terrible past, and she is very glad to have left her son the way he was born.

[sadkitty]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

I don't have a penis so i don't know the proper way of pulling the skin back and cleaning and etc...

You never have to pull back the skin. That doesn't need doing until puberty, or the onset of sexual activity. It is not something you have to show them.

My mom didn't even know my twin brothers could retract at age 10 until I asked when they were 13!

Sound like you have to deal with his penis a lot more than if it were whole.

I am sorry your past issues influenced your decision to modify your baby.

[Jaydens_mom]

I don't recall whether or not the man who molested me was intact or not, all i know is that it was my father.
I will not REGRET my son being circumcised.
It is not like he is the only child in the world with less foreskin than normal.
If i allow him to think that I regret it then he will think there is something wrong with the way he looks.
There is nothing wrong with it. Sure it may not look the same as it did when he was born, but it doesn't look awfull either.

[LizD]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

Maybe you might not understand.. but for me i think it was the right choice.

You're his mother; therefore you make the right decisions for him. That's what everyone here is (hopefully) trying to do. It's all too easy to decide one's choices are right for someone else. We all do the best we can based on what we know to be right for us and our family.

Don't forget if your urologist says to leave it alone, and it doesn't resolve satisfactorily, you can always wait until he is older to repair it cosmetically; it might be easier for him to understand then, anyway. Sounds like your doctor will have the best advice for you in this situation.

I'm glad to see you say your son is "perfect," because that's just what he is.

[Jaydens_mom]

I am not trying to come off as RUDE , but this thread was not intended to be a war of rights and wrongs. My opinion is not going to change. I don't regret things, as you can't change what is already done.

[Jaydens_mom]

Originally Posted by LizD

You're his mother; therefore you make the right decisions for him. That's what everyone here is (hopefully) trying to do. It's all too easy to decide one's choices are right for someone else. We all do the best we can based on what we know to be right for us and our family.

Don't forget if your urologist says to leave it alone, and it doesn't resolve satisfactorily, you can always wait until he is older to repair it cosmetically; it might be easier for him to understand then, anyway. Sounds like your doctor will have the best advice for you in this situation.

I'm glad to see you say your son is "perfect," because that's just what he is.

Well i will see what my doctor says, im not allowing her to force it. If she says it looks like it was done wrong and refers me to a urologist and he says the same then i will look into what can be done about it. But if they say it looks normal and the skin will eventually pull away in time then i will wait it out, if in a few years it remains the same and he says something about it then we will go back and have it fixed.

[Lula's Mom]

The fact that it is done to a lot of other little boys will never make it right. I will say it again, it is the removal of another person's body part without their consent!!! If you were born in another country, the same thing might very well be done to you- you would be held down while your genitals were sliced away. Would it be OK then?

I am incensed to see another poster support this "choice" as "what's right for your family". There are a whole lot of things that are flexible and negotiable in parenting, but circumcision is not one of them. It may have been the easy way out instead of getting therapy for molestation, but it was not and never is the right choice for a baby. He was the victim this time.

I hear your fear about making him feel damaged or unhappy. Again, you are not the only one who is afraid of that, not by a long shot. And if you go to the CAC forum and search old threads, you will learn ways to explain to your son.

[sadkitty]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

I am not trying to come off as RUDE , but this thread was not intended to be a war of rights and wrongs. My opinion is not going to change. I don't regret things, as you can't change what is already done.

You can't change things that were already done, but one can acknowledge mistakes, or bad choices and learn from one's past (unless you're the government.)

You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to learn what, if anything, was wrong with your son's foreskin remnants.

[Jaydens_mom]

I came here because i wanted to know why the skin was still attached to the head of the penis when he is 2 1/2 years old.
I didn't come here to be told that i am a child mutilator and that i have deformed my son by choosing to have him circumcised.

[Lact-o-Mama]

's Mamma. I just wanted to pop in and assure you that the Mammas here mean no harm in what they say. Please understand that we are all coming from various circumstances, various well-researched circumstances.
All they want is to inform you and help you, not shun you.
MDC is a natural-family forum, meaning you will no doubt find decisions that you are unfamiliar with, like choosing not to vaccinate, breastfeeding, homebirth/unnassisted birth and not circumcising etc. The post you made stirred the pot a little, thats all

That being said...

[alegna]

I'm sorry that you're feeling attacked.

The skin is still attached because it SHOULD still be attached. The foreskin is attached to the head of the penis like a fingernail is attached to the bed. For a circumcision they RIP it loose (without adequate, if any, anesthesia) and crush it and cut it off. Like it or not, that's what was done to your son. His body is trying to heal itself.

-Angela