I think it’s a very good idea for you to send a letter to your birth father! I don’t think you’re crazy at all. Who knows, maybe he’ll be really happy to hear from you. And if he isn’t, well, it won’t be significantly different for you than things were before. I guess, anyway, although that’s probably more dependent on your own mental state than anything else. How will you feel if he doesn’t react well?
For some reason I have never been all that interested in finding my biological father. I’m still not. My birth mom says he basically took off after she found out she was pregnant, and she hasn’t seen or heard from him since. She has no idea where he is or how to find him. That’s okay with me. She’s the important person to me, for whatever reason.
I’ve read your letter too – let me comment! It looks good, with the relevant points well outlined, but somehow it strikes me as a bit impersonal, a little too unemotional. Like the part where you talk about your wedding picture; instead of saying “I have enclosed a picture” you might say “I thought you’d like to see a picture of me on my wedding day”. You might also leave out the part about wanting medical information for yourself because four of his siblings have died already… it sounds a bit too clinical for a first contact, especially on such an emotional subject, do you know what I mean? If you start corresponding with him, you’ll probably find out how his siblings died and then you can decide whether or not it’s relevant to your life. Maybe also focus just a bit more on him and his feelings about contacting his biological daughter? He might respond more favorably if he feels like you understand what a big deal this might be for him too. Of course this is just my opinion. Take from it what you will.
This is another big step you’re taking. You’ve got a lot to deal with right now for sure. Hang in there, stay true to yourself, and things are going to work out okay, you’ll see!
And hey, guess what? My birth mom has made plane and hotel reservations to come out and see me next month. She’s going to be here for my birthday! We both think that’s very symbolic for our first meeting. I’m so excited I can hardly stand it.
One very interesting thing she told me was that she had suppressed my birthday in her memory. She actually had to ask me when my birthday was. She thinks that the whole experience was traumatic enough for her that she took the most intense parts and pushed them deep down into her mind, so that they wouldn’t rise up and cause her pain later on. The human mind sure works in interesting ways.
Let me know what you decide to do next, Emilie! I’m really interested to hear more developments from you.