Yeah, I think it would have been a little easier if it had just been her and I. Instead it was me, my dh (who I would have desperately wanted there), her, her husband and both girls. In a hotel lobby, of all places. We shook hands and proceeded to lunch...and Iknew it wasn't going well, but I called her that night from the hotel room and explained that I am really shy with new people but that I was looking forward to spending the next day at their house, just hanging out, looking at pictures and playing games - very low key and kind of what we all agreed on, you know? then the next day, she called and suggest we go to the Natural History Museum instead.
I don't even like Natural History! But we went, cut it short and met up for dinner that night - and at the hotel (they came to have us follow them to the restaurant), she sent her husband and daughters away to look at brochures and proceeded to grill me on why I was there, what did I want to know, I must have a reason, etc. I kept looking back and forth between her and my husband...seriously, my head was a swivel, because I didn't know what to say and I was hoping he would say "forget it, we're going back to our room" and after about...40 seconds, I stammered out that I just wanted to get to know her.
Thinking back on it now just really upsets me. I felt like such a FOOL. And understand, we agreed that it would be easier if dh and I went to their state, rather than them coming here as we were 2 people and they were 5 people. It isn't like i just showed up. And I couldn't tell my mom, but I wanted to so badly then. And dh was just as horrified as I was. he thought it was going to be great, like when he was reunited with his biodad when he was 16.
That meeting is why I am so pro open adoption. I never want dd to feel like that. I want her to know C just like I do and I want her to be able to tell me about it or ask me questions.
What's really hard...after I started communicating with biomom, it seemed like what she did in relation to me mattered so much more. If I write to her, I want her to write back or if she suggests getting together again (like she has TWICE) and never brings it up again, it really hurts my feelings. I wish it didn't - I feel like it shouldn't.