Tandem Nursing Tribe - Page 8

[damyen's mommy]

Hiedi.....Yeah!!!! Thats awesomeMaking it to a year is wonderful. I wish you many nursing sessions this next year
How is everyone else doing. My dd us still nursing strong at 8 months, my ds has dropped nursing once during the day and picked up a night nursing session: . Woo I am so sleepy now. After a week of it though my body seems to be adjusting. Well maybe its just sleep deprivation kicking in . Thats ok I just wish he hadn't picked one up right now. DD is going through a growth spurt or developmental change or teething. I don't know probably a combination and has started nursing many times in the night.I give up counting. I have become a little spoiled, she use to sleep 5-6 hours straight at night with only three nursing sessions at night. Thats ok though, she needs it... I need a nap...thats probably bad since I have only been awake for about an hour

[Still_Snarky]

Originally Posted by damyen's mommy

I need a nap...thats probably bad since I have only been awake for about an hour

I can SO relate!

[Still_Snarky]

X Post from CLW: "Help: tantrums & nursing limits"

I have an issue that I hope someone can offer some insight on.

I have a daughter who is almost three years old and a son who is three and a half months old. Before and during my pregnancy my daughter cut back to nursing twice a day: once at bedtime and once upon waking. She night-weaned (on her own) several months before I got pregnant. When her brother was born she began to ask to nurse much more often (which I expected), most days more than the baby. I was feeling so completely overwhelmed by this that I placed some limits on her nursing. She is now waking several times during the night asking to nurse and throwing violent tantrums (screaming gutturally and hitting and kicking) if I tell her no or to please wait until her brother is done nursing. I always offer to cuddle with her or scratch her back etc. but this just makes her more angry. The tantrums (sometimes during the day also) are eroding the wonderful nursing relationship we've had for 33 months. I don't know what to do; I'm exhausted and feeling defeated and at times feel like weaning her completely. :

[Nature]

Checkin in!

dd 3 yo has been nursing 24/7 lately, to the point of frusteration. Still Snarky, no advice... but I know how you feel.

dd 9 months is much less demanding than her older sister. She hardly seems to cry for "nummies" but I often feel badly that her sister seems to want them so much. Lately I can't even sit down without her screaming (yes screaming) at me to lift up my shirt. She fights and punches when I will not let her at that exact moment and I get so sad that something wonderful seems to be a battle all the time. I most certainly do not want to wean her as I want to CLW but the past few days have been constant screaming and demanding. : She should be able to handle some limits at her age right? Or should I be limitless in order to truelly CLW?

[AspenRayne]

I am not tandeming yet, but I just really have a feeling that my 2yo DD will want to nurse 24/7 once I have our DS in Dec. But I wanted to say, witchymama, that I think a child at that age can handle some limits. I plan on having limits with my DD about nursing once our li'l guy comes.....for my sake and the new baby's sake. Maybe you could try to just focus on what feels right in your heart for you and your family (happy mama=happy babies) and not so much on whether you are sticking to strictly what would be labeled CLW. I believe in CLW myself, but think it is also important to be flexible in my parenting enough to go beyond the traditional limits of a label if it will help my family in a positive way. JM2C.

[gina871]

I have been in your shoes, my dd was a little young. the girls are about 2 years apart. I had to set limit on my olders when dd2 was a baby. They are now 2 and 4 and we are still tandeum nursing. I started out letting dd1 nurse at night but the stopped after a few weeks she could not wait. She would have a cry and scream in the middle of the night. I was not fun. It took a couple of weeks before she stopped asking. I end up and still do not nurse her in bed. Iconfuses her and she start asking to nursing again in the middle of night. W had e also said she could not nurse untill the sun was up. which in the summer meant we were up at 5:30 or so. As she got older I told her she to wait till the alarm went of. good luck. my dd1 is sick today lucky she is still nursong she won't eat anything and is drinking very little beside mommy milk

[provocativa]

hey all i subbed awhile ago. nursing two dds: 4.5 months and 3 years, 4 months. 3 y. o. has followed a pattern similar to yours still snarky, but with less frequency on the nursing and tantrums. for my dd the night tantrums are almost a night terror/nightmare, and need a gentler touch. what has worked for us is a many pronged approach. first, i bucked up and drank lots of water and started offering to nurse her all the time, and tried to respond quickly during the night. this made her less insecure (about the whole transition into siblinghood and tandeming). we talked about nursing only during the daytime, and started celebrating the morning nursing session. we started talking about nursing just a little bit, a few sips, during the day at good moments and then sometimes i would say 'just a little bit' when she nursed at night (receptive mood not a tantrum). on a couple occaisions when awake i got desperate enough to count to a very long ten while she nursed, got silly with it (faces etc) and she loved that limit! I hate the counting, and don't do it often, but she likes it soo. . . . i am now shocked at what a little sip she will take sometimes when i ask her to just have a little bit and she has mostly nightweaned herself (no night tantrums for at least 2 months). also trying for extra non-nursing cuddle sessions during the day tanks her up on touching, so she asks to nurse less. reverse psychology helps a little too, 'telling' the younger one to wait, she can't nurse until after dd 1, offering to dd1 if she has fallen, etc. sometimes i despised feeling like such a manipulator. . . . but i've only had to do this a little bit, and seemed to have nudged her back towards feeling secure and onto the next nursing pattern on the weaning continuum, and i no longer really need to limit or mention limits to her. oh, be careful. too many limits, combined with a busy day for her when she nurses less, and i start to get a plugged duct. but of course the toddler loves that, she's the one who has to help get rid of it!

[Mama2ABCD]

Witchymama, like pp said, your dd is old enough to handle some limits. Who knows what is going on in that 3yr old : head

Celeste, it'll get better. The old advice that i love cause it makes lots of sense and works....give in, try it for a day or two. just let her nurse whenever/whereever. maybe even offer when she's about to ask. hopefully this will curb the interest in nightnursing. then, when they've got that reassurance, they won't need to nurse as much. Is her demands the result of tandeming...who knows. But, i've seen this advice given too many times to single nursers. What i'm saying is that this is another step/hurdle in nursing your child that is normal.

Also, Celeste and Witchymama...it is that time of year....your dd's could be fighting off a cold or something.



Ever have those days when you nurse sooooo much, you wonder how the heck you can still pee?

[Still_Snarky]

Thank you provacativa & kirstie for your advice. We had another hard night/morning and I'll be employing some of your techniques.

[provocativa]

Oh hey i forgot to mention busyness and food- if i keep her busy, she wants to nurse less and when i have it together (ha ha ha) i keep a snack tray out all day like when she was a little younger. pushing a bedtime snack helps too, esp. one high in tryptophan, like a banana or egg or cow's milk.

[jillmamma]

On the 3 year old acting out and asking all the time...I can relate!!! : Mine is going on 4 (3y10m), and thankfully he mostly sleeps all night but occasionally has days where he asks a lot. I have noticed that those are the days when I am occupied doing other stuff and not spending as much time playing, reading, etc. with him. If I take some time and focus on just him (with or w/o nursing), he asks a lot less and both of us are more sane.

Small brag...DD at 13 months now can sign "milk"! So much nicer for me than "waaaaaaaah!"

Question...how supportive is your spouse with you nursing more than one kid? I don't think mine minds so much that I am nursing both kids...he just feels that DS is getting too old, and that him still nursing is "weird". He knows that ultimately it is up to us, but I can tell he would rather that DS weaned sooner than later.

[Nature]

thanks for the support and advice mamas :

Dh is very supportive of me nursing both, but when I'm trying to do something and dd 3 yo starts tantruming for nummies he does get a bit upset. Mainly because he sees my frusteration and can't do anything about it. Sometimes he ends up saying things like, "I'm not sure you should have nummies anymore because you can't respect your mom when she asks you to wait a minute." and things along that line.. which makes me feel horribly guilty because I don't want her to think I'm taking it away from her. I correct him and try to get him to express his own frusteration in a different way but it doesn't seem to change it. Its okay for *me* to think those things, but not okay when he says them. Make any sense?

Extra snuggle time doesn't work with her, snuggle=nursing. No matter what I try. She actually won't let me read to her anymore because she knows thats the snuggling without nummies. :

She's a very light eater, so pushing food or snacks has no effect. She will choose to nurse over food. I've even tried ice cream, and other "junk" in moments of desparation. She will still choose nursing.

Today I was really sore because of the constant nursing the past few weeks. One of my nipples has a blister on it from her.

tomorrow is another day.......

[monkeys4mama]

Hang in there witchymama, ime, these things tend to run in phases. My 3yo ds has times like this too. I think it's a part of being three. If you think about the developmental stage 3 yos are in, they are in the process of becoming much more independent and developing skills in how to affect their environment and the people around them, etc. Unlike 2 yos who have a much more limited ability to look ahead, plan ahead and control their world in ways other than just crying, the 3 yo is starting to understand time better (but not well, so 2 min can feel like 20 min b/c they simply get that they're being postponed) and they're beginning to see language as a means of getting what they want but haven't got the patience to wait when their verbal requests are not followed by immediate action. I personally find the 3 yo age a lot more challenging than the 2 yo age. 3 yos are much more controlling and manipulative. I don't mean that in a nasty pejorative way b/c it's an important skill they are developing--how to affect change and get their needs met through their use of language. But as they learn these skills they are also needing to learn things like patience and empathy. The 3 yo mind is very much self-centered. And that's not meant inkindly either. Just a fact of life. Children learn empathy and understanding for others as they mature.

I find that if I try to keep in mind what developmental tasks my kids are working on, it helps me to remember why they behave the way they do and to find ways to get through to them. Sometimes my ds is just plain going to tantrum. I try to be loving and set limits (ie: I'm sorry I can't give you nay-nays now but the pots on the stove are going to burn if I don't stir them). But it is helpful if I use the "taking turns" approach. Kids this age are beginning to get the hang of taking turns. Often if I tell ds that we will take turns, mommy needs a turn to do XYZ for 5 min and then Rowan can have a turn for nay-nay for 5 min and we set the timer on the microwave, we can avoid some tantrums and it's a good lesson in postponing gratification, seeing that others have needs, being patient, and understanding that mama will always respond to him even if it's not right immediately.

Just keep working at it. Have patience. I don't think weaning is the answer (not that you were considering it, but I know some mamas get pressured to wean b/c of this type of behavior). Imo, it's just one way this developmental stage is acted out. If it wasn't bf, your child would be acting out and demanding your attention in another way. I consider breastfeeding to be just one part of our relationship wherein social skills, love, respect, turn-taking, gentleness, comfort, patience, self-control, etc, are taught and eventually mastered.

And if it's any comfort, each of my older girls did eventually ease up with the demanding stage and they learned to take turns and to wait and so on. Now they even try to "help" by offering advice to Rowan about needign to be patient and so on. So funny! Cracks me up to hear them talking like little mamas, with my words coming out of their mouths.

Hand in there.

[heamae]

Just want to pop in and introduce myself and my girls. Madison is 20mo and Morgan is 1mo. We have been tademing from day one. Thingss so far are going great with nursing, bed time is anither issue!! :

[timneh_mom]

Bumping this up so people can find us...

I am 25 1/2 weeks pregnant now and DS is still nursing, he's actually upped it the past couple of days. I've definitely got colostrum, I can easily get some out now. Just a few more days and I'm in the dreaded 3rd trimester. *sigh* At least I feel better with this pg than I did the first time. I just wonder what things will be like in 3 1/2 months... I'm not sure why I keep questioning whether or not we'll make it that long... we got through the "no milk" period, and he definitely asks for it at naptime, bedtime and sometimes in the morning, so why the questioning? It will be interesting to see what he does when he finds copious amounts of milk in there again!

[Still_Snarky]

Howdy and welcome mamas!

[Still_Snarky]

Originally Posted by heamae

Thingss so far are going great with nursing, bed time is anither issue!! :

: No kidding!

[jillmamma]

Do your nurslings have "assigned" sides? DS will point at my left breast and say "This one is Matthew's muh", and then my right one and say "This one is baby's muh". I guess because at night I usually do nurse them on those particular sides.

[Amy&4girls]

New here

Would love to join you here. I have a question..I have posted both under Breastfeeding and Multiples..because I didn't know about this thread..maybe this is a more appropriate place..I'm not sure. Anyway I'm going to repost my question here..hopefully someone's been where I am.

When I found out I was pg with the twins..I had to wean my 2yo (for several reasons..altho it about killed us both to do it..as she was VERY attached to nursing). She finally accepted no more nursing months later and did fine. The twins were born in March and spent months in the NICU. One came home before the other and she started getting irritated when I would nurse her sister..and wanted to nurse..would even ask and cry to nurse. I tried to put her off..but after bringing home the other twin it became too much of a fight and have let her nurse again. Now she's nursing almost as much as before the twins..which is VERY frequently..and the twins do as well. No one seems to want to nurse at the same time..so it is CONSTANT nursing all day and all night! It's just so draining. My 5yo has special needs..and the smaller twin has severe medical issues. I'm stressed out!

Anyone dealing with a similar situation? Would love any advice on how to handle the constant nursing?

[Still_Snarky]

Originally Posted by Amy&4girls

Now she's nursing almost as much as before the twins..which is VERY frequently..and the twins do as well. No one seems to want to nurse at the same time..so it is CONSTANT nursing all day and all night! It's just so draining. My 5yo has special needs..and the smaller twin has severe medical issues. I'm stressed out!

Anyone dealing with a similar situation? Would love any advice on how to handle the constant nursing?

I can relate to the drained feeling. Some days I'm just tired of being touched. I can understand the older one nursing very frequently, sometimes more than the newborn in our house. Looks like your twins are still just babes too... Do you have the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower? She says that regression is a fairly typical reaction to new siblings and this may be expressed through the breastfeeding relationship (weaned kids nursing again, or toddlers nursing more frequently again). She also says that it's temporary and "most families are in stride by the nine-month mark." Anyway, hopefully someone will have some concrete advice!

You're doing a good job mama; some days its just damn exhausting.