Originally Posted by MizLiz
I haven't read all of the posts here so sorry if I am repeating anyone. I personally think it is your ex's responsibility to maintain his own relationship with his son. I don't think you should have to chase him all over the place, track him down, arrange visits, etc. on your ex's behalf.
Jaydens Mom I see where your coming from. Two years ago my ex went on a 4 day weekend trip to a bed and
breakfast with his 20yo internet gf. They had met once before this. During that weekend he asked her to marry
him. When he came back from his trip his mother told him to give me a break and not call me for a few days.
He thought I was upset about him being with his new girl. No I was upset because I had heard over and over
for 4 years how he can't take weekend days off in the summer because of his work. I had heard how behind he is
on all his bills and that someday he would catch up and help me out with dd. (I had never asked for CS). He
would make plans with dd and then not show up. He would blame me for his short comings as a dad. When I
heard that he had bought a ring, paid for the flight, hotel, rental car, all on a weekend. Yeah I was livid. I felt
like if he could do all that for a stranger, why couldn't he do it for his little girl.
When he called me I was very calm, but his Mom was right I wasn't ready to talk to him about everything. I
just started to tell him everything I was feeling. How I worried about dd and her well being. How I never knew
if I could trust that he would show when he would say he would.
At some point he said something about how hard it was to have "baggage" and then I realized that he was talking
about dd. I asked him out right "When you say baggage do you mean our dd?" and he said Yeah. He then said
something about how new gf "wasn't interested in being a step mom" and how he was "trying to figure out how
all this was going to work".
Staying calm (while my head was spinning) I interrupted him and said "Look, if you are only a father out of
guilt, then you need to think about that. If you want a clean slate, then go, start your new life, and I will not fault
you for that."
I didn't plan on those words coming out of my mouth. I didn't really know where they came from because yeah I
do fault him for it. Anyway. Since then my dd has seen her dad twice because we happened to be at his
parents house when he passed by. He emailed once wanting to make plans and then canceled them.
I got to a point where I was tired of driving dd 1.5 hours when he decided to call. I was tired of running to him
when he wanted to see dd cause I so wanted them to have a relationship, and wanted to make that easy on them.
But then I wanted him to put forth some effort and that didn't happen.
If he called us now, I would make plans for them to see each other. I hope they can know each other someday.
But I left it so that he will have to make the effort for that to happen.