Hope on the Mainstream Front

[peacelovingmama]

I have been meaning to post this for a week or so.

Anyway, both Parents and Parenting magazines have anti-spanking articles! The Parenting one was a whole article on why the experts recommend against it. There is one part that bugged me (where the author suggests that she hits for "safety issues") but the article is overwhelmingly anti.

In Parents, there is a discipline article. It has some stuff I disagree with but it does strongly advise "no spanking" and describes spanking as an adult temper tantrum. Anyway, I felt uplifted that these mainstream mags (with huge reader bases) are sending the anti-hitting message and I wanted to share.

[Joannarachel]

I read that article in parents the other day and felt hopeful. I'd been so discouraged as of late by the anti AP stuff in it.

[hawkfeather]

wow that is a positive.. YAY sharing info and educating the masses!

[frontierpsych]

Hopefully it will spare the bums of a few lucky children!

[WuWei]

Adults and children hit when they don't know another way to get what they need. I hope that the discipline article provided *alternative* tools. Just telling children or adults "don't hit", "it's not ok to hit", "hitting is wrong" doesn't help them to meet their need in another way. Nor does it offer alternatives of what to do instead.

I am glad that "experts" are taking a stand against hitting. But, there are experts who advocate imposing emotional pain instead. Neither of these alternatives are gentle or consider the needs of the child, just the behavior. IMO, the key is to look beneath the parent's (or child's) behavior to identify their needs and help them to meet those needs in a gentle manner. Meeting everyone's needs is hard in the nuclear family. We NEED more hands and more resources to meet the many needs of the family members. Unfortunately, our culture doesn't advocate interdependence. The focus is on *independence* so parents feel like they must parent alone. But, by creating the adversarial relationships of imposing pain to alter behavior, we lose the opportunity that we DO have to work together to help each other meet their needs.

I am so excited about learning about the tools of NVC. It helps me to state my observations, feelings, needs and make requests in a non-demanding way. This changes the dynamics of relationships toward consent, rather then "making" others do what we want. It sure wasn't how I was parented, so I am learning new communication skills. And our family life is so much easier because we *want* to help each other, rather than working against each other to get our own needs filled.

Here are two articles from the NVC site: Raising Children Compassionately: http://www.cnvc.org/raisekds.htm

Compassionate Connection: attachment parenting and nonviolent communication: http://www.cnvc.org/motherin.htm



Pat

[familylove]

Thanks for sharing some positive news I like the analogy of a parent spanking being akin to them having an adult temper tantrum.

[Fuamami]

I saw that too! I rolled my eyes when I saw the title of the piece in Parents - "Thirty Discipline Rules, Don't Break 'Em", but I was really relieved to see that one of the rules was no spanking! I think people are slowly coming around on this one.