I thought I was fine....

[kristenok18]

with my younger sister having her 2nd baby (unexpected!). I thought I'd had 8 months to digest this info and deal with my hurt and my jealousy and my anger. But my mom called and said the baby was born this afternoon, and I'm so sad. I'm angry. I don't want to go visit. I don't want to participate in this exciting time for my sister and her family. I don't want to see this precious new baby. And I HATE myself for feeling this way. : I'm just so heartbroken about it, and I'm heartbroken that I can't be happy for them yet. I know it'll come, but I didn't expect it to hurt this much. It feels like it did when they announced their pregnancy, too. When my best friend told me she was pregnant after 5+ years of infertility, I didn't feel this way, and when her baby was born 2mo ago, I didn't feel this way. Why is this so different?

Feeling gloomy,

Kristen

[YankeeMomInVA]

Aw, Kristen.....

One thing I've learned throughout all this is that there is often no rhyme or reason to the insane spectrum of feelings we encounter through infertility.
It's such a conflict b/c the feelings that often arise are feelings that do not usually conform to societal expectations....

I know I have a MUCH harder time dealing with news of friends' "unexpected" pregnancies than I do with those who have struggled to get pregnant themselves....

Take the time you need to process all this and when YOU are ready then approach your sister and her family and offer your congratulations!

[oceanmommy]

Kristen, I wanted to give you a hug and tell you that your feelings are completely normal. I certainly struggle with these type of feelings often. And I don't feel it so much either when it is someone that I know has been trying to have a baby for a long time, not like I do with someone who is really fertile and gets pregnant easily or without trying.

I think a lot of the heatbreak comes from not just the reminder of your own diappointment, but also the guilt for not feeling happy for your loved ones. But your feelings are valid and have the right to be there, and anyone who has walked in your shoes would understand why you (we) may feel this way.

ITA with YankeeMomInVA, take your time and when you're ready go and see them.


Good luck to you in coming to terms with this, and in your ttc journey

[Dena]

to you, sweetie.

We all know how hard this is. I think the difference when someone has an accidental pg is that it just underscores how unfair this all is for all of us who CAN'T get pg "by accident." Then all that anger and the why me feelings come rushing back. I know they do for me.

I agree with all of the pps - take your time, go see your nephew when you are ready. When dh's younger brother and his wife had their first, it took us a month to go see him (we were soundly criticized for that, but oh well...) and even then it was so hard.

Take care of yourself. Your sister will understand.

[Pookietooth]

what they said, do it in your own time. I get jealous too of unexpected pregnancies. And sad.

[ladyd]

i know how you feel trust i feel like that it is very hard when you see everyone around you getting pregnant and still childless i been trying for 12 yrs now and seen everyone in my family have no problem concieveing i felt what you felt not wanting to be around i even stop going to baby showers the last one i went to i felt my heart fall to the floor i want to cry i didn't understand this feeling they didn't do anything to me but i used to cry myself to sleep a lot its hard i know when read your posting it was like seeing my self just don't give up i know deep inside we are happy for them and its not thier fault these were the cards we were dealt my family wish the best for me but they just don't understands what it feels like and i don't expect them to but i wish they would its a honor to be able to become a mother and some women don't even deserve it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,don't give up and go see the baby,,,,don't lose faith and hope,,,,i don't know how your relationship is with your sister is? take a deep breath and go vist ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,