ds, 12, STILL lying, need more ideas

[Strong Mama]

So I posted a while back about ds lies. He lies about EVERYTHING. Thinks he can get out of it. He does not get in major trouble if he lies, he gets basically natural consequences as much as possible. I need some more ideas on how to help him stop lying. I have tried rewards, restriction of his fav things, no friends coming over, making him do extra chores, the whole nine yards. Its FRIGGIN irritatin' me!!!:

[Jaydens_mom]

Originally Posted by FEDUP

So I posted a while back about ds lies. He lies about EVERYTHING. Thinks he can get out of it. He does not get in major trouble if he lies, he gets basically natural consequences as much as possible. I need some more ideas on how to help him stop lying. I have tried rewards, restriction of his fav things, no friends coming over, making him do extra chores, the whole nine yards. Its FRIGGIN irritatin' me!!!:

What kind of thing is he lying about? Is this maybe a cry for attention?

[RainbowsMum]

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom

What kind of thing is he lying about? Is this maybe a cry for attention?

I was gunna ask the exact same thing............

[BelovedK]

When DS lies (which is alot) I don't use punishment, i simply tell him,
"As long as you know the truth, that's all that matters"


There was a line from a movie that I thought was great,

"Let's pretend that I believe you" (that one i wouldn't use, but thought it funny )

[Jaydens_mom]

Ok I'm going to just point something out that might offend you, but it offended me.


Your sig says:
mama to 2 sons, 12 [flaming devil] and 2 [mother reading to child ], [ water birthing tub ], [mother happily doing dishes], [no circ sign]

I am sensing some hostility towards your 12 year old... refering to him as the devil is not in any means a compliment, and if this is how you feel about your child then maybe you need to re evaluate yourself.

Perhaps this is a cry for attention..

Maybe your 12 year old feels left out because you are busy tending to your youngest child ( the 2 year old ) and he doesn't feel wanted or needed anymore.

So what does he do? he lies.

This doesn't get him the attention that he REALLY wants, but however it does still get him attention.
And for a child who is feeling left out, any attention is good attention.

You need to put less focus on PUNISHING him for his lying and more focus on finding out the cause.

Perhaps you can start making a day , the same day EVERY week, that you do something one on one with your 12 year old ... WITHOUT the 2 year old.

Take him out shopping for something, or to the park, or anything that strikes his interest... make him feel that you acknowledge him and that you understand that he needs your love, affection, and attention...

If this does not fix the lying even the slightest then maybe it is deeper than that and he should be seeing a psych.
Lying can lead to very large things in the future if not dealt with soon.
He could go from lying about taking 1 cookie when he actually took 2, to lying about stealing money.. or lying about commiting a serious crime. It could even lead to credit card fraud and many other life altering things.

[eowen77]

I don't think she meant anything insulting to him by the devil picture next to his age...I use the symbol for my DD {see signature} and it is b/c it reminds me of her when she is in a hormone rush and I swear you'll see flames shooting out of her head at any moment. I use for my DS b/c he has recently discovered this phrase and it is funny to hear him start telling a story and then say "blah blah blah...that's it" instead of finishing it. {I can imagine some people taking it that I mean he is a nonstop talker and I don't like it}

Most of the signatures have symbols like : etc after all the kids names - it may not be strictly related to just the last child in the list.

Just my opinion...

[eowen77]

MY DD {10} has a habit of lieing as well. It is very frustrating...and often the "stories" are long drawn out explanations that are obviously NOT true. I do point out that I know she is lieing...b/c I don't want her to think that I believe it...but I don't generally "punish" her.

Usually if I call her on it, she will try another "story" and eventually we will get down to the truth. I don't know why she feels the need to make up "stories" {lie}...but you've got me thinking about it and I am wondering if I shouldn't look deeper into it.

[MissAbbyRosesMamma]

maybe he feels like your being overbearing and wouldnt approve of things. again, it depends on what he lies about i admit i lied a LOT to my parents. momstly about things i knew they wouldnt approve of. "are there going to be parents there?" i am by far the most innocent of my friends in regards to drugs and alcohol which was their main concern and even in the midst of a huge party where that stuff was occuring i NEVER used any of it so i simply would answer them "yeah" no harm right? i knew what i was doing wasnt bad, they just wouldnt approve of the circumstances around it...

[Strong Mama]

Hi, no offense with the devil child. LOL its just a joke! He can be a little devil sometimes though!! LOL

Anyway, he lies about everything from *oops forgot my book for studying*(turns out he didnt want to study so he left it at school on purpose) to full fledge planning things behind my back with with his cousins, to things we just know he is lying about(did you give your mom a dirty look?? NOOOOO I did not! when he did type thing). Just lies and more lies. Or he twists the truth to get out of getting in trouble. Ex. dont jump off the porch with your skateboard. ok, mom...next thing you see him jumping off the CHAIR which is on the porch with the skateboard...mom..you said dont jump off the PORCH, not the CHAIR on the porch!: I swear! UGH! LOL

He does get punished for lying if the lies are so much we just cant stand it. He lied last week a LOT. He could not have someone spend the night this weekend for it.We dont think its for attention, as I spend a lot of one on one with him, movies, games, etc...so I dont think that is it.He has been like this for a while now. We are considering counselling as a last resort. Keep the ideas coming please mamas!

[Jaydens_mom]

if its not an attention thing, have you tried sitting him down and just ASKING him "why do you choose to lie?"

If he doesn't tell you why, then i really suggest councilling... you don't want this is turn into fraud and other more serious forms of lying over time. Better to treat it now.

[BathrobeGoddess]

Lying is developmental appropriate behavior for a child of 12. Remember temper tantrums at age 2, well at 12 its lying. It is a way your child is trying to "break away" from you and strike out on their own. If the lying is out of control, chances are the rules or boundaries of the household are not clear enough and this is a simple way to find out where those lines lay.

Now, that doesn't mean we should allow lying as parents but really instead of punishments setting very clear boundaries and consequences for overstepping them will help with it in the long run. Have you ever sat down and said these are the house rules and this is what happens when someone doesn't follow them?