Mothering › Forums › Archives › Pregnancy Archives › July 2006 › Guilt Issues
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Guilt Issues  

post #1 of 22
8/14/06 at 1:32am
Thread Starter 
Does anyone else have extreme guilt issues if they can't get to their baby fast enough before they start crying? I.e. I hate it when I know she is hungry and wants to eat, but I can't get to her fast enough or I don't read her signs well enough. I feel like I am not catching on to her language and it's driving me batty. She tends to wake up screaming. Like her eyes are still closed, she stirs and before she opens them she is crying to eat. I just feel so bad, and wonder if I will ever catch on to what she is trying to tell me before it gets to crying and screaming.
post #2 of 22
8/14/06 at 11:27am
nak..i definitly have guilt issues-he wont sleep without someone next to him-which makes it really hard to get anything done-but sometimes i try to lay him down after hes fallen asleep on me and when he wakes up upset i feel so bad. the last thing i want is for him to feel abandoned-but i do like brushing my teeth-at least once a day!!!

i cant imagine being one of those parents that believe a baby should cry it out. i honestly think it hurts me more hearing him cry than it does him. not to mention i start leaking all over the place
post #3 of 22
8/14/06 at 11:37am
I think I felt this way more severely with my first baby. Now I can look back and see he survived just fine even though I couldn't always figure him out!

With this one, I'm just more distressed than guilty because I thought I'd have an easier experience the second time around and be able to figure him out quicker. Nope! This one, maybe becaise he cries all the time anyway, I will let him fuss 15-30 sec or whatever if I'm in the shower or going to the bathroom. I think I *caused* a lot of ds1's sleep issues by not giving him a chance to even make barely a peep before I rushed and took over. I'm noticing that ds2 makes a lot of noise in his sleep and if I let him, he is often just moving and doesn't need anything (we co-sleep). With ds1 I would have picked him up or tried to do something, and it just made things worse in the long run, if that makes sense...I'm really annoyed with Dr. Sears about this because he was the one who gave me the idea to intervene, instead of waiting to see if something was really needed...
post #4 of 22
8/14/06 at 12:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by soapdiva
I think I felt this way more severely with my first baby. Now I can look back and see he survived just fine even though I couldn't always figure him out!

With this one, I'm just more distressed than guilty because I thought I'd have an easier experience the second time around and be able to figure him out quicker. Nope! This one, maybe becaise he cries all the time anyway, I will let him fuss 15-30 sec or whatever if I'm in the shower or going to the bathroom. I think I *caused* a lot of ds1's sleep issues by not giving him a chance to even make barely a peep before I rushed and took over. I'm noticing that ds2 makes a lot of noise in his sleep and if I let him, he is often just moving and doesn't need anything (we co-sleep). With ds1 I would have picked him up or tried to do something, and it just made things worse in the long run, if that makes sense...I'm really annoyed with Dr. Sears about this because he was the one who gave me the idea to intervene, instead of waiting to see if something was really needed...
EXACTLY. Wow, I could have just written that post!
post #5 of 22
8/14/06 at 2:43pm
DS occasionally wakes up screaming, too, and while I hate to hear him cry, I don't feel guilty about it. I've learned from trial and error that his waking up screaming usually means he needs a diaper change and that it's best to change him first (even though he screams through the entire process) and then nurse him. Otherwise, he just pushes himself off the breast over and over again ... it's like nursing an angry octopus. :
post #6 of 22
8/14/06 at 2:47pm
don't be so hard on yourself SabbathD - most likely she will catch on to you - and know you will come and so cry much less while she is waiting !
post #7 of 22
8/14/06 at 3:37pm
I totally understand. Around here lately, one or the other kid will be crying/fussing at times. I'm finding it really hard to always get to ds right away because I also have dd. It's tough, but it will get easier. Hang in there!
post #8 of 22
8/14/06 at 3:43pm
I was certainly that way with my daughter. I won't say I'm immune to it now (especially with two new ones and a toddler, the odds are good that *somebody's* going to have to wait a bit), but I simply don't stress about it. Babies cry...sometimes you can get there fast enough to figure it out and 'fix it,' sometimes you can't. But, like soapdiva's, my dd is turning out just fine! Now I'm of the mind that if my daughter is seriously crying and one of the babies are crying, I'm more likely to attend to her needs first, since she is more likely to remember it or feel hurt if I constantly put her second. It's just the way it goes...
I've always liked the analogy (don't remember where I heard it), that babies are more like stews than souffles--you can adjust the recipe quite a bit; one 'mistake' will not ruin them!
post #9 of 22
8/14/06 at 3:44pm
I definitely think it's a first baby thing. Hang in there and cut yourself some slack, before long you'll be anticipating her needs - it takes a while to adjust and get a groove going.
post #10 of 22
8/14/06 at 6:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~pi
DS occasionally wakes up screaming, too, and while I hate to hear him cry, I don't feel guilty about it. I've learned from trial and error that his waking up screaming usually means he needs a diaper change and that it's best to change him first (even though he screams through the entire process) and then nurse him. Otherwise, he just pushes himself off the breast over and over again ... it's like nursing an angry octopus. :
that sounds like arlo!!!! he will not latch on with a dirty dipe.
post #11 of 22
8/14/06 at 9:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~pi
it's like nursing an angry octopus. :
great description. DD does that too. Hands fly everywhere, arms flailing madly, and she sounds like a car trying to start when she yells.
post #12 of 22
8/14/06 at 11:04pm
Quote:
Hands fly everywhere, arms flailing madly, and she sounds like a car trying to start when she yells.
Does this ever stop? It is so frustrating and just one more problem with us trying to get a decent latch...
post #13 of 22
8/15/06 at 12:26am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by soapdiva
Does this ever stop? It is so frustrating and just one more problem with us trying to get a decent latch...
:
post #14 of 22
8/15/06 at 9:08am
I always felt guilty with my first if I couldn't get to him right away. Now I know that a few minutes of fussing or crying won't do permanent damage. Of course I try to attend to his needs ASAP but that's not always a reality with two other young children to watch after.

As for nursing an angry octopus...what a great description LOL
post #15 of 22
8/15/06 at 9:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~pi
... it's like nursing an angry octopus. :
what a perfect way to describe that.

love my swaddling blanket for getting rid of flailing arms. If you don't happen to have baby wrapped when you need to nurse, even a big prefold or receiving blanket can be draped over them and pulled tightly around the arms until they get started.

sabbath, some babies just start up crying suddenly. I had a friend whose baby did that and it freaked me out, bc mine at the time (my first) would just do this eh eh eh fussing for a while before crying. Sometimes Kellen does that sudden crying too. If that's the first cue you get, that's the best you can do. You might notice some body movements in baby's sleep before the cry, but maybe not. You're doing great!
post #16 of 22
8/15/06 at 11:51am
More like a stew than a souffle - that's great

I'm with soapdiva and Quagmire on this one - with dd1 I was rushing to fix things, this time round I'm a lot more relaxed and so is babe...

you can't force this attitude though can you, so just saying 'relax' is unlikely to help you Sabbath! You two will adjust to each other - but you will never be able to remove all discomfort and frustration from your baby, much as you'd love to...so go easy on yourself
post #17 of 22
8/15/06 at 1:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeGoddess
love my swaddling blanket for getting rid of flailing arms. If you don't happen to have baby wrapped when you need to nurse, even a big prefold or receiving blanket can be draped over them and pulled tightly around the arms until they get started.
:

We started doing "strip swaddles." We cut a receiving blanket into four long strips and before nursing, we would take one of them or fold a regular blanket into a strip and roll him up in it like a sausage. He actually developed a Pavlovian response where he would calm right down and start looking around for the food source.

He stopped needing that about a week and a half ago. Now, as long as he's in a clean dipe, he's good to go.
post #18 of 22
8/16/06 at 2:42am
Quote:
Originally Posted by bugnbean
I always felt guilty with my first if I couldn't get to him right away. Now I know that a few minutes of fussing or crying won't do permanent damage.
Same here. It seems like someone is always hungry, crying or poopy. Heck, sometimes it's me hungry and crying! I don't lntentionally ignore DD's cries but there are times when I have to do something else first - change DS' massively poopy diaper, rinse off DS after he rolls in the stinky mud puddle, etc.

For me it's the change from raising a child to raising a family. One high needs toddler plus a newborn. In other words, triage 24/7. : I'm in awe of those of you with several children!
post #19 of 22
8/16/06 at 1:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by soapdiva
Does this ever stop? It is so frustrating and just one more problem with us trying to get a decent latch...
I've got to agree with the other folks about the swaddling... It's the *only* thing that settles my DS down most evenings. He gets so agitated with his arms flying and back arched, but wrap him up tightly, pick him up and he calms down within seconds. We have a couple of carter's stretchy blankets that we love for this, since he's mostly outgrown the regular receiving blankets. You can pull them tighter too, because of the stretch, so they're harder for him to wriggle out of.
post #20 of 22
8/16/06 at 2:08pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnskulinMama
I've got to agree with the other folks about the swaddling... It's the *only* thing that settles my DS down most evenings. He gets so agitated with his arms flying and back arched, but wrap him up tightly, pick him up and he calms down within seconds. We have a couple of carter's stretchy blankets that we love for this, since he's mostly outgrown the regular receiving blankets. You can pull them tighter too, because of the stretch, so they're harder for him to wriggle out of.
Ohh! Were do you find strechy ones? Those sound awesome!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: July 2006
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Archives › Pregnancy Archives › July 2006 › Guilt Issues