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debunking common myths and misconceptions about attachment parenting - Page 2

post #21 of 33
Babywearing causes delays in crawling and walking. (My experience was that they were in arms or in sling for 5 months and then I put them down and they started crawling.)
post #22 of 33
The question is, though, how do we "debunk" said myths? Aside from pointing people in the direction of the library, how can those of use with relatively young children prove anything? I can say, "I know lots of kids who've coslept and they sleep in their own beds now," or "I've read ____," but because my own children are very young a lot of people don't believe it. I've got "They'll never become independant" pretty much covered with mine, because they're very relaxed and independant, but other than that...
post #23 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy
The question is, though, how do we "debunk" said myths? Aside from pointing people in the direction of the library, how can those of use with relatively young children prove anything?
It's not "proof," but IMHO, a good anecdote is a lot more convincing to most people than a formal study anyway. If you don't have anecdotes of your own, borrow a friend's - "Well, I know someone who has three kids who all slept in the family bed when they were little, and now they're teenagers and they're doing great." You don't have to explain that you only know this person online ... and there are plenty of good examples around MDC.
post #24 of 33
Re: debunking

I firmly believe in following your gut when it comes to parenting. The AP philosophy about children has informed many of my own thoughts about what I believe is normal child behavior and good child rearing practices.

And to that end, AP contains many (but not all) elements that feel "right" to me. So we practice AP behaviors that work for us and throw out the ones that don't.

I have no interest in promoting AP per se - but I am interested in showing an alternative perspective to some mainstream beliefs about children - such as the efficacy of "training" children to sleep, responding to children appropriately, how much babies love being held and carried, esp. to sleep.

my 2 cents

Siobhan
post #25 of 33
I've heard it all...

"If you don't put her in her own room NOW (at 6 weeks), she'll NEVER sleep there." : So tell me why, now that she's 12 months, she WON'T sleep in our room??? And will ONLY sleep if she's in her own crib in her own room?

"If you don't get her used to formula NOW, she'll NEVER take it" : And this is a bad thing because...?

"Breastfeeding after 6 months is abusive and neglectful." Um, yeah, okay...this coming from the woman (MIL) who...well, I won't reveal family skeletons, but let's just say...

"Cloth diapers are unsanitary because the poop is just lying around all over the place." Uh, actually, no...the poop goes in the toilet, and I don't know about you, but I keep all my dirty laundry in the laundry room, not "lying around all over the place."

"Trying to potty train your infant is abusive and you'll end up with a child who suffers from constipation because you forced them too early." Really? Okay then...you obviously are incredibly educated about early potty training and elimination communication...how do you "force" an infant to go potty?

"You say you'll never spank your child, but just wait. She won't be a perfect angel forever. What would you do if she did something dangerous, like reach for a pot on a hot stove?" Who said she's a perfect angel now? And why should I spank *her* for *MY* failure to use normal kitchen safety...you know, like never leave a hot stove unattended.

"Slings are unsafe - the baby could just fall right out." Oddly enough...my arms are right there, perfectly able to catch the falling baby!

I'll post more stupid comments as I remember them!
post #26 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by EmoMom
What are some of the most common misconceptions you've heard about attachment parenting? And how are they misconceptions?
That if you breastfeed on demand, wear your baby, cosleep, and respond to him/her the best you can, your baby will be content. Having a son who was desperately unhappy from birth 'til age 2, and a daughter who was malcontent 'til 8 months, this was demoralizing.
post #27 of 33
A nice discussion.

I am by no means the "queen of AP", but I really do try.

Sometimes I am afraid to use the term "AP" because it is almost a value judgement. If people don't use AP they get defensive and if they do they judge me.

Thanks for the clarification in all your posts!
post #28 of 33
That attachment parenting (which IMO is a parenting style) is the same as lifestyle choice such as type of diaper used, vegetarianism, vaxing, etc.

The two are often seen together, to be sure. But attachment in and of itself is a psychological term, and a primary goal of attachment parenting is to promote independence and psychological well being in the child.

While it is an important personal choice, the type of diaper you put on your child's bottom will NOT affect his attachment. Your parenting style and your child's personality are the real factors there. Lifestyle choices, unless extreme examples, should not generally affect attachment.
post #29 of 33
My family made me feel like my dd would be so clingy, because I wasn't sending her on overnight or weeklong trips to her grandmother's house at 2 months of age, like my SIL did with her kids.

My dd has never been clingy and is super secure and independent.
post #30 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by srain
That if you breastfeed on demand, wear your baby, cosleep, and respond to him/her the best you can, your baby will be content. Having a son who was desperately unhappy from birth 'til age 2, and a daughter who was malcontent 'til 8 months, this was demoralizing.
Yup, this is one aspect of the AP community I HATE - and why I don't describe myself as AP.

AP behaviors are supposed to help promote attachment (with some evidence to support them). But the number one key to attachment is listening to your children. And if the AP behaviors don't work for your kids or your family, then you are NOT promoting attachment by forcing them.

Also, the AP community (esp. Dr Sears) often promises more than it can deliver. Tired at night? Just co-sleep! Baby has reflux or gets sick? Breastfeed! baby getting fussy? Babywear! etc. And then your kids will be shiny and happy and everything will be wonderful and it will start raining gumdrops and lottery tickets!

Well, no, not really. AP is no more an easy solution than any other parenting technique. Again, the technique needs to fit the kid and the family.

This is why I really get burned by any "more AP than thou" conversations. They are really no different than "I put my kid in a more expensive stroller" type comparisons, in my opinion.

Siobhan
post #31 of 33
CDing is an aspect of APing.

-- CDing falls into the camp of NFL, but I can see no link between the type of material on my child's bum and the attachment relationship between me and my child. My child is not more or less attached to me due to the way I choose to clothe and diaper him, as long as it is effective (i.e., not dirty, sufficiently warm, etc.) Lots of people seem to lump CDing into AP, but it has always boggled my mind.
post #32 of 33
While Dr. Sears makes recommendations and does imply that these will work for many children, even he himself has said (re: co-sleeping, babywearing) if it dosn't work, then it's better to find other things that will...which can mean that baby sleeps in it's own bed, or that it isn't worn because it dosn't like it. He also gives recommendations on how to help reflux and how to help a sick child....he dosn't imply that breastfeeding is the cure-all.....I rather think he makes those recommendations because women can give up breastfeeding due to a child being sick or having a form of reflux, and he's encouraging women NOT to give this up.
post #33 of 33
Personally, I think that what causes the most misconceptions and misunderstanding is people who *call* themselves AP, but are actually mainstream parents. It's "CooL" to be AP now, so people use that as a label. Most of society do not look at things objectively. They accept what they are told. So they see these horrid parents who say they're AP and then assume AP is... horrid.
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