Believe your child or them

[Sharlla]

WWYD if someone told you that your child said something, your child says that he didn't say it and that he didn't hear anyone else say it or anything like tat and you know the words she said she heard are not terms that your son uses. My son is not a liar, when confronted he will admit when he did something. Honestly this isn't anything worth lying about. I thought she and I were friends so I don't understand why she would make something like that up. SHe says she was in the room with him when he said it, so there is no way that she could have mistakingly heard something.

[Marsupialmom]

It would depend on what he said...but with limited info I would just let it roll off my back.

What did he say so we can evaluate it and better judge what should be done.

[Twocoolboys]

I have been in a similar situation years ago, regarding my oldest son, my niece and my sister. My niece was "tattling" on my ds for something, ds (who is a very honest kid - we talk about things openly and he doesn't get "in trouble" for things) denied it. My sister was accusing me of letting him get away with it (throwing something at niece - neither my sister nor I was in the room). After arguing for a few minutes with my sister on this, I said "we are just going to have to agree to disagree on this one". And we left it at that. After a few minutes of grumpy silence, we each got over it.

Sisters can generally get over things that maybe friends wouldn't though. But, I think you also have to ask yourself that if your son did say what your friend accuses him of, what would you do? I'm not saying you should do anything. I agree that you shouldn't. I think you should believe your ds on this one. But, even if he said something and you heard him, what would you do? Is it even worth discussing it with your friend? Maybe just tell her "I'll handle it" and leave it at that. It's none of her business what you do to "handle it" and then thank your ds for being honest with you.

[Sharlla]

Supposedly he told this boy that he had a small penis. He doesn't even use the word penis.

[Eman'smom]

This is an adult saying this about your son? What would be her reasoning for saying something like this, that just seems odd for an adult to make up KWIM?How old is he? 9? Could he be experimenting with new words/boundries and doesn't want to get in trouble.

[Marsupialmom]

I can see a child that age making that comment and then lieing about it (that whole age appropriate thing)......but I wouldn't call my child on something that I don't know 100% sure is true. I would still basicly "drop it" because pushing the issue IMO will cause more trouble than good.

If your son knows he has been accused just tell him you don't know the truth because you want to believe the both of them....but you are going to have enough faith in him that he will at least learn from the situation.....it isn't nice to say things like that and comment on other peoples body. I would give him room because he could have said it in a fashion that wasn't meant to be deogratory or he could have been trying to "defend" himself.

Because Penis isn't in your son's normal vocabularity it doesn't mean that he doesn't use or say it.

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by Eman'smom

This is an adult saying this about your son? What would be her reasoning for saying something like this, that just seems odd for an adult to make up KWIM?How old is he? 9? Could he be experimenting with new words/boundries and doesn't want to get in trouble.

I don't know why she would say this (yes, she is an adult and her son who is also 4 was in the room at the time, she tells me that both her son and mine were laughing because the other boy started getting undressed in front of them) He's 7 and he knows that he would not get in trouble for saying that, only be talked to. I told him that if he didn't confess I would not take him there again and he started crying and swears that he didn't say it. He always fesses up when I confront him about something, and if he does something like accidenly break something he always comes and tells me.

Well at anyrate I did email the mom of the boy that kids were laughing at and told her that I was sorry my son laughed at her son. SHe didn't make mention of anything else and said there was no hard feeling. I'm just going to put this behind me and hope nothing like this ever happens again.

[Marsupialmom]

Could he have said it and not remember saying it? He could have made on observation...and kids being kids....well....

I wouldn't think my friend is lying and I still wouldn't maket his a big deal with my child also. You weren't there for the entire conversation....let it go. And being human he could have forgotten that he had said it.

[teachma]

Maybe, if he did say it, he's less concerned about being in trouble than about being embarrassed that you should know he said it. Also...maybe your friend was putting the comment in her words (penis) rather than quoting him verbatim. Not to say I believe he did it, but just to express a possibility.

[corhorvath]

I think it's very important to teach our young kids that we believe them are open to them.

You said "My son is not a liar, when confronted he will admit when he did something. Honestly this isn't anything worth lying about." So, why not believe him? Have you asked him to tell you about what happened? I would talk to him and listen to his story. This is difficult because we don't want to encourage lying, but we do want to encourage talking to our kids and listening to them.

If your gut tells you your son is telling the truth, then go with it. You know your son, you know your gut instinct. I believe you should go with what you know--he's honest, this isn't worth lying about, he said he didn't do it. Your friend may be right, but you have to weigh who is worth believing her or your son? These are an early lessons on many things to come as our children get older. Good luck!

[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by corhorvath

I think it's very important to teach our young kids that we believe them are open to them.

But, it's also really important to teach them that it is ok to make mistakes, and do things that are wrong--good people do "bad" things sometimes--then we learn from it and hopefully don't repeat the mistake. When my child is suspected of doing something wrong I don't confront them. Confrontation is *asking* for denial in my book. Instead we talk about why X is wrong, what a person should do instead, or whatever.

[mojumi]

It doesn't sound like you'll ever 'really really' know what was said, and as you say it seems like no hard feelings and not a big deal anyway. You could always have a conversation with your son about how hypothetically if someone *did* say something like that to someone else it might hurt their feelings or would not be polite or however you think of it. Not that he *did* say that, but if the other little boy heard *someone* say that, he might feel bad.

When ds and a playmate start having a problem while out of my sight, I go into the room but don't try to lay blame. It's "since you both are having trouble playing together with this toy, let's do something else." With words, I guess it could be the same thing. "Since you both are having trouble with this conversation, who wants to talk about trucks instead?" Or whatever. But since you say both kids were laughing it doesn't sound like trouble. Maybe the mamma is worried that her son's penis looks small compared to other boys' and so feels hypersensitive to any comments.

[mommy68]

I believe that there are some things our kids will hear and we will have no idea they have heard it. If your child is ever without you, say with a friend, a babysitter, a relative, etc then you can't possibly know "everything" he has heard. If you weren't there when this kid said something in front of this other mom then maybe, just maybe he heard the phrase there in that house or from that other kid. It's amazing what some parents will try to throw off on someone else's kid.

Just chalk it up to him making a mistake saying something he shouldn't have and have a talk with him. I wouldn't stress out about it. If this other parent thinks her child is perfect then she's in for a big surprise one day I'm sure. :

[Canadianmommax3]

is this mother a close friend? Just wondering how would you feel if you were in that situation and you heard her son say something like that? You told her and she didn't believe you because her son said he never said it. I think i would be a little hurt. There isn't anything you can do about it now, but i guess if she isn't a close friend than maybe she is just being mean or maybe misheard what went on?

[Flor]

Dss isn't a liar, but he has lied to us . Does that make sense? He generally tells us the truth, but there are times when I am pretty sure he's lying. He doesn't want to "get in trouble" or be embarassed. I know I did the same. Sometimes you just never get the real story.