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Friend's 4yo very violent *graphic & disturbing*

post #1 of 137
Thread Starter 
I seriously don't know what to do. My friend is a single mother and very lenient with her son. He seems to have no sympathy or feelings about hurting anyone or anything. I have seen him have a smug look every time I've witnessed him do anything also (which is the most disgusting part, IMO). He killed a rabbit and a cat at 3yo and is now 4 1/2 and killed another cat. Last week he threatened to kill my dog because HE tripped over her rump. He has also strangled my dog with various ropes and strings before. I've tried to explain why that's not acceptable, but it obviously doesn't work and there's only so much I can do seeing him seldom.

He has jumped up and down on my child's head and scarred his face another time by scratching him, and sat on another son's back pinning him face down on a tile floor and smashed his head into the tiles. Another time threw a brick and cut my son's forehead down to his skull.

After the last cat died I told her he needed counseling. She made excuses for him as usual saying it's "boy stuff" and he'll outgrow it. All of these animals that have died have been "defective." Her uncle said a 4 1/2 year old isn't capable of knowing the results of his actions.: Previously the boy had thrown the cat against a wall, locked it in small toy cages and pots, squeezed it when angry, tried drowning it before in a cage in the bath tub, and when it finally died my friend found it in the tub with water. She said it drowned itself since it liked sleeping in the tub and must not have known there was water in there and had not jumped out because it was sick since she saw it peed blood the night before. : I had told her she needed to give the cat away after hearing about the previous things before it died. She refused.

After the cat died, she said she would never get another animal so I didn't push it about him needing counseling. She now has another cat.: What should I do?

***moderator edit - title description changed***
post #2 of 137
This kid has obvious issues. This is not normal 'boy stuff' If he is killing animals at this age what will he move on to? Keep your kids as far away from him as possible. I wouldn't let mine play supervised with someone like this. Ever.

look at this website this is what comes to mind immediately

www.radkid.org
post #3 of 137
This child is a danger to other children, and he obviously needs a lot of help. If his mother isn't willing to get help for him, I might consider a call to CPS.
post #4 of 137
This is definitely a good reason to call cps. THe mother doesn't want to get her child the help he needs. There needs to be some intervention
post #5 of 137
If the mother won't seek help for the child, I'd do it for her by way of an anonymous call to the authorities. Flame me if you want, but this level of cruelty at this age has nothing but trouble written all over it.

The very least I would do is cut off all contact between this child and my home, kids, pets, etc. A bright line needs to be drawn to protect your family and pets.
post #6 of 137
Trust your instincts -- keep your children away from this kid. His behavior is not normal "boy stuff" and it's unlikely he will outgrow it. It's not about his mother being lenient, he needs professional help. Immediately. Your friend is not doing him any favors by explaining away the behavior.

What you describe is a lack of empathy to an extreme degree -- it's called sociopathy in mental health circles. Torturing and killing animals is an early sign of much worse to come. I don't know where you live, but an anonymous call to a child protective services agency wouldn't be out of order if his mother refuses to get him some help.

Best of luck.
post #7 of 137
Sounds like sociopathic behaviour to me. I don't know if early intervention helps in a case like that, but I certainly hope it can.
post #8 of 137
I agree with the other posters... I have a 4 year old who is very active and not always gentle but never would he do things like what you explained... it is not "normal" boy stuff....

please, he really does need to see someone...
post #9 of 137
Ummm...virtually every serial killer started out by killing or torturing animals before moving on to humans. Once a child has seen one animal die, he should understand the consequences. Furthermore, he should understand the sound of pain when the animal (or your child) cries out. That boy definitely needs counseling NOW. If the mother will not give it on her own, then call CPS. Otherwise, we might have another Jeffrey Dahmer, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy, etc. on our hands.

BTW: How much attention does that boy get from his parents? The only thing that can harm a child in the long run worse than abuse is neglect. Those are the true sociopaths who do not have any empathy.
post #10 of 137
Eeek! I thought it was scary when I caught my son hitting the chickens with a stick (turns out he just likes to whack various things with sticks and didn't realize he was hurting them) but that is BEYOND scary. That child needs help and he needs it now. Kids like that can very easily grow up to be serial killers or mass murderers.
post #11 of 137
This is very serious. If your friend cannot make the efforts to get her son help, then I would call CPS immediately. This child has the potential to turn into a serial killer or an otherwise very dangerous person, and at this point he needs intense therapy. Also, I would not let your son and her son at all, or let him into your house. Explain to your friend that this is for you, your family, and your pet's own protection. I'd stand my ground with her, absolutely. It may seem rude but this kid needs help, and now.
post #12 of 137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla
This child is a danger to other children, and he obviously needs a lot of help. If his mother isn't willing to get help for him, I might consider a call to CPS.
I agree!
post #13 of 137
Call CPS now!!!! That kind of behavour only worsens! Never allow anybody you love around him or his mom. If she sees nothing wrong with it she needs ever more help, she should know better! Where is the boys dad? Family?
post #14 of 137
You must not let this child play with your child anymore. It is doing serious physical and psychological harm to your child. I would never talk to this mother again, and I would probably report her to CPS. This is so, so bad for your child to be around. It's psychotic.
post #15 of 137
Yup. Sociopathic behavior. This child is crying out for help. I would also call CPS if she refuses to do anything about it.
post #16 of 137
Thread Starter 
I have considered calling CPS. I have never done so figuring I could find a way to help her out without CPS. She started voluntary Parenting Classes through CPS because she didn't know how to handle him not listening to her. While at these classes he would hurt other children and even started whaling on her physically and even the CPS worker told her to spank him! She refuses to spank him, but there isn't any other form of discipline either. He does something wrong, frantically repeates "Sorry, sorry, sorry" to her smiling and she threatens that next time he'll get a spanking (which never happens). That's it. Ever. Anyway, these classes did no good and she has since quit.

When he jumped up and down on my sons' head, he never showed any emotions about it besides smugness until his mother threatened to break his DVD when they got home. Then he started screaming and crying saying "Sorry, sorry mommy." Never sorry to my son, nor did she make him.:

If I did call CPS, what would they do? Could I try anything with her first? I swore I would tell her to never bring him around the next time he hurt my kids, then he threatened to kill my dog and by the time she came to pick him up, I had chickened out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by momma2girls
look at this website this is what comes to mind immediately

www.radkid.org
I didn't know what it was called, but I have tried talking to her about this disorder. That's when she told me it was normal boys stuff and her uncle said he couldn't understand his actions. I completely disagree. He knows, you can see it on his face. He takes pleasure in hurting people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cool_mom
BTW: How much attention does that boy get from his parents? The only thing that can harm a child in the long run worse than abuse is neglect. Those are the true sociopaths who do not have any empathy.
She has him in day care all day which I normal don't agree with but I think this may be the only place he gets consistant punishments for anything he does (time outs). At home she sits him in front of the tv watching movies most of the time. They have a tiny apartment and he seems to destroy things (the things were "faulty" also) whenever he's not a zombie watching tv. She doesn't give him a bedtime either and wakes him before 6am for day care so he doesn't get much sleep.
post #17 of 137
I'd call CPS. They can force her to get counseling for him, or put him in foster care if she doesn't. In this case, it sounds like his issues may be too severe for her to handle, and he may be better off living elsewhere.
post #18 of 137
Thread Starter 
Ok, so how should I tell her in a way she might reap some benefit that I don't want her child around mine anymore? Now remember I'm a coward and don't want to hurt her feelings, nor make her brush this all off thinking it's me with the problem and keep making excuses for her kid! :

Ruthla, wow if they take him away she would flip out! She truly thinks she is a wonderful mother and people are jealous of how cute her little red-haired son is. Meanwhile I'm thinking people are not jealous those are actually looks of disgust by the way he's acting in public!
post #19 of 137
There's probably nothing you can do to convince her that it's HER kid with the problem if she insists on buying her head in the sand. Just tell her that her DS frightens you and you don't want him around your family or your pets. If she wants to think you're being an overprotective bitch, let her think that.
post #20 of 137
Like I said, I don't know where you live, but hopefully CPS would invesitagate and require the child be in psychotherapy at the very least.

I want to very strongly emphasize that this is not an issue of discipline (or lack thereof) -- this is an issue of safety. It is illegal to torture and kill animals -- at any age -- and this boy's mother's inaction constitutes neglect.

If intervention does not take place immediately, he will be lost forever. Wouldn't you call for help if he were bleeding?
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