DD won't wipe after potty

[towsonmama]

I'm not sure if this is the best forum for this but it seems like a discipline issue to me. My dd just announced that she has a "diaper rash" because she keeps it a secret that she doesn't wipe after using the potty. She's been potty trained for over a year so I'm not sure why she suddenly stopped wiping herself. My instinct was to come up with a bribe to get her to wipe but I've been trying the UP techniques and I don't want to slip into a behaviorist approach by offering a reward for what I believe she should want to do intrinsically. Any suggestions??

[crb]

How old is dd? Maybe the rash will be its own "reminder" or you could try those moist wipes which might be appealing. Or maybe just a good bath in the evenings? It just seems like the more you get entangled w/elimination, the harder it is to avoid a power struggle. I hear you about the rewards - I was just thinking the other day - omg, it would be so easy to offer some sort of food treat to encourage dry underpants! Why oh why did I have to read UP?!

[Lisie]

what is UP???

I feel like most (other than myself) parents I know are using bribing techniques to get their kids to potty train lately. We didn't though and our child seems to have "trained" the quickest!

I don't have any advice on the wiping because we are still wiping him and it seems like it would take a while for him to learn how to do it properly?? He is 2 1/2.

[WuWei]

If she is willing to let you wipe, that would be my suggestion. If there is a reason that she doesn't like to wipe, I'd address that. Eventually, she will be willing to wipe. For whatever reason, it appears that she is adverse to wiping. We just had a long thread about this on another list. Many children have been taught that getting stool on their hands is yucky and fear that. Perhaps having some wash clothes or wet wipes for her hands. Also some children don't want to wipe because they don't want to have to wash their hands afterwards. Some fear not getting clean enough. Perhaps she isn't effectively cleaning. Offering to help without judgement is the most likely way to find out what is underlying her aversion.

Pat

[towsonmama]

DD is 3 1/2. After I posted last night she came down from bed and asked me to take her to the potty. That NEVER happens at home anymore so I decided to try to use the opportunity to talk to her. She says she doesn't wipe because she doesn't want to have to wash her hands. It takes too long and she's worried her 1 1/2 year old sister will play with her toys. I wiped her and had her wash her hands with me. I also tried to explain that she should always wash her hands, wiping or no wiping. Maybe I'll try to monitor her today, without seeming obsessive (aack-this is hard!!).

[towsonmama]

[QUOTE=Lisie]what is UP???

Unconditional Parenting

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by towsonmama

DD is 3 1/2. After I posted last night she came down from bed and asked me to take her to the potty. That NEVER happens at home anymore so I decided to try to use the opportunity to talk to her. She says she doesn't wipe because she doesn't want to have to wash her hands. It takes too long and she's worried her 1 1/2 year old sister will play with her toys. I wiped her and had her wash her hands with me. I also tried to explain that she should always wash her hands, wiping or no wiping. Maybe I'll try to monitor her today, without seeming obsessive (aack-this is hard!!).

Ok, this is easier when we know the objection. Telling her she 'has to' doesn't mean she 'wants to' or will. How about buying some special perfume soap, blue soap, rainbow soap, sanitizer hand lotion, Barney soap dispenser, princess in a soap bar? You get the idea. Help her to make hand washing fun and easy. Add food coloring to a soap dispenser, buy those bathtub crayons or paints, etc. Provide one of those scruby pads or little wash clothes that are kept in a warmer for grab-and-run-back-to-play hand washing. Keep a pail in the playroom for wet cloths perhaps.

Bring her toy to the bathroom to play with until she is done pooping and wiping, so that 'her toy' isn't going to be taken. Make going to the toilet not 'less than' what the sister is 'getting to do'. It sounds like dd needs a special place where she doesn't "have to" share. Like on her bed or in a particular chair, and help her to have that private time while you engage the sister. Ask dd to let you know when she is leaving a toy that she doesn't want it to be played with. I certainly wouldn't want dh to come shut off the computer in the middle of something I was doing while I 'had to' go to the bathroom. Give her tools to meet her needs and partner with her to address those needs, and then going to the bathroom isn't something with 'risk' and 'loss' associated with it.

Perhaps, have a small basket of special bathroom toys that one can play with while pooping. Most homes have reading materials for this purpose. It really isn't fun to go poop and take time to wash up when everyone else is having fun.

HTH, Pat

[faithnj]

Try showing her the video "It's Potty Time." My 19 month old potty trained herself using videos. But that particular one really got her going. There's an example of a little girl not only wiping herself, but then wiping her Teddy Bear after he "used" the potty, while saying "Front to back. Front to back." My dd does it and says "A back. A back." In fact when she first got it, she ran around wiping herself and anybody else's bottom. Poor grandmother was lying on her side in bed, and dd ran up to her and started wiping her bottom, going "A back, A back!" Anyway, the girl sings a song "Wipe, wipe, wipe yourself, always front to back. Carefully, Carefully, now you have the knack." You can also have your DD demonstrate on a toy how to properly wipe herself........Then there is a boy who sings and demonstrates hand washing.

Who knows? The right examples and a few songs just might be what your child needs to complete the whole project. Otherwise-- the person who suggested the baths has a great idea. And I've started using Purell on my DD's hands to speed up the handwashing process, because holding her over the sink, soaping, rinsing and drying was starting to make the whole pottying process to long and "mommy involved" for DD. She was losing patience with it.

Good luck!

Faith
(Who always wipes her 19 month old afterward. After all, a 19 month old only has so much accuracy!)

[faithnj]

Originally Posted by scubamama

....It really isn't fun to go poop and take time to wash up when everyone else is having fun.

HTH, Pat

That reminds me! There are soaps with toys (like rubber ducks) in the middle. If you wash your hands long enough-- you eventually get to the toy. And the video "Bear in the Big Blue House" with the potty training segment is also good for your situation. In that one, the mouse doesn't want to leave his checkers game because he's winning, and bear reassures him that if he goes potty, the game will still be there when he gets back. And in "It's Potty Time" three boys leave a birthday party to go potty, but come back and get to play even more. Those may work to get the idea over. Or they may not. What ever the case-- good luck.

Faith

[WuWei]

I will say that I am perfectly comfortable helping ds, age 5.2 to wipe after pooping. I have wiped many 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 year olds bottoms after they had stool also. If it can't be done for whatever reason, but it needs to be done, I am glad to help. I am fully confident ds won't be wanting his 12 or 15 year old bum wiped.


Pat

[Yooper]

I am pretty sure I will be wiping dd's bottom until she is more like 5 or 6. She does not like to do it. I think she is scared of getting her hands dirty. I do not mind so it all works out. Dd does not like to bathe often so it is good that she gets expert wiping

[WuWei]

Originally Posted by Yooper

I think she is scared of getting her hands dirty. I do not mind so it all works out.

It seems logical if we tell our children not to touch things that are dirty that they don't want to touch things that are dirty. That is why I am perfectly fine helping ds until he feels more comfortable with the manual dexterity of wiping, and has the impulse control to recognize that washing hands doesn't eliminate other fun. It is the quickest and is the easiest way for both of us too. Win-win.

Pat

[Wugmama]

My midwife recommended those toddler flushable wipes for my dd when she wasn't getting clean, and they have helped. We call them the "special wipies",as opposed to the baby wipes (which can't be flushed) and I've instructed her to flush after putting two in the toilet, before putting anymore in the toilet. So far they haven't caused any problems with the plumbing. They are made to flush, but I was a but worried what would happen if too many were flushed at one time.

~Tracy

[lab]

Man! I feel waaaay older than you guys!

Wanna hear something great??!?!?! My dd is 11 next week and just started wiping regularly. (I'm not talking about when she just has to pee - no wiping going on for any reason!) HA!

Good luck with that........

Seriously, I even made her buy her own panties when she was around 9 or 10. Didn't work.

I guess she got old enough to decide that she needed to wipe. Sure, we had all the discussions. She even got out of bed one night and got a shower because she could detect an odor (how's that for putting it delicately!)

[towsonmama]

Originally Posted by lab

Man! I feel waaaay older than you guys!

Wanna hear something great??!?!?! My dd is 11 next week and just started wiping regularly. (I'm not talking about when she just has to pee - no wiping going on for any reason!) HA!

Good luck with that........

Seriously, I even made her buy her own panties when she was around 9 or 10. Didn't work.

I guess she got old enough to decide that she needed to wipe. Sure, we had all the discussions. She even got out of bed one night and got a shower because she could detect an odor (how's that for putting it delicately!)

Now that definitely makes me feel better! All in their own time, I guess. DD already has most of the items the other posters have recommended: fun soap, flushable wipes, etc. My approach for now will be to try to be there to wipe her whenever possible. It's a small regression, but much better than diaper rash or odor.

[faithnj]

Originally Posted by towsonmama

Now that definitely makes me feel better! All in their own time, I guess. DD already has most of the items the other posters have recommended: fun soap, flushable wipes, etc. My approach for now will be to try to be there to wipe her whenever possible. It's a small regression, but much better than diaper rash or odor.

Yeah, even though I think it's important for children to understand that wiping and washing is an important part of toilet hygiene, I do think it's important that mom's wipe the child until the child can do it well for herself. Nothing wrong with cleaning up behind a child for several years. Heck-- most of us are really lucky they are at least potty trained!!!

Also-- I must make it clear that because my DD is a lot younger, I had her watch 4 potty training tapes over and over again, not once. So she learned the pottying behaviors because it was the only tv she got to watch for almost a month! LOL! Not from just one viewing.

Faith
(Who's DD will "wipe" herself even if she's in a diaper! LOL! Can't wait until she's old enough to figure out how to do it effectively though, instead of just as an imitative act.)