Mamas of older kids - are you more secure in your parenting now? - Page 2

[chellemarie]

I feel pretty good about choices I'm making for The Toddler and have told my husband that if we had one or two more, I might have it perfected. I am really good with babies.

But it is harder for me to parent older children. I can't nurse them better or pop them in a sling or rock them. I'm acutely aware that this moment could forever be etched in their brains. This decision could affect who they are at 25 and they're going to remember it's because I made a mistake. That is hard for me. When a baby cries, I know what to do to fix it. Change, feed, rock, tickle, etc. When my older kids are upset it is harder. There are fewer books, less talking about how you're parenting your kids (I think for their privacy), and fewer and fewer cues from your kids that you're doing this right.

[Cherie2]

I resisted even reading this this thread for fear all the posts would be about how everybody LOVES the teenage years and what a joy and I would be terribly jealous. I was relived to see some people struggling like me. I was so confident before I had children. I had 2 years of Early Childhood Development under my belt. I was so happy to be pregnant I cried. I love being a mother and the infant and early child hood years were such fun. I parented by instinct. Positive re-enforcement, lots of creative fun. I guess I always assumed that if my kids knew a lot of love and if they felt they could trust me and had confidence in themselves, the teen years would be a breeze. (Maybe not a breeze, but at least enjoyable) What a knock on the head I received when my dd turned 14!! She was sullen, moody, refused to share her thoughts or feelings, started seeing a 19 year old boy, started drinking, smoking pot and doing meth and became pregnant and had an abortion. Perhaps this was just her path? Who she would have been and struggles she would have had regardless of my parenting. I struggle on a daily basis to keep believing in myself and in my parenting. My mother says things to me like "as far as I know she has never been told she has to do anything". Have I spoiled her by giving her too much control of her life? It is really hard to keep up the confidence when your child spins so far out of control. I try to let her learn by natural consequences but the stakes have gotten too high at times. After about a year things got a lot better but she is 17 now and she had a baby 10 months ago. She still struggles with residual rage issues. It is not easy at all. She is such a fun person I wish so baldy she was not so resistant to me. A therapist once told me she is like a 2 year old playing at the edge of 3rd story window, and I needed to protect her. You wouldn't let you 2 year old play at the edge of a 3rd story window. But how to move her and still allow her to learn to move herself?

[sunnysideup]

Cherie2 We do the best we can, and still those peer influences are huge. I wish there was some magic way to prevent bad things from ever happening to our kids.

[hutsonmom]

i have enjoyed the teen years and hope to continue to. but there are days when the test your stamina. i wish you lots of luck and hope your dd finds a way to express herself without making herself and her family unhappy. maybe what she has been through will make her a stronger person in the long run? and now that she is a mommy maybe the little wonder she brought into the world will change her outlook and make her more carefully consider her choices and decisions.

[JuJuBazooka]

I know that I am a much more relaxed and laid back Mama with my younger ones. I was always seeking approval with my first. Probably out of some need to prove that I was a "good" mother.

And I could care less what other think of my parenting style now. I know that the time goes by so very quickly and to adjust your thinking for someone else's benefit just is not worth it.

I'm finding that parenting a teenager is by far scarier than parenting younger ones. The issues that my teen faces day to day are tremendous. But I also love this age. It is so awesome to see them becoming their own individual and listening to their views and thoughts. It is great to see the world through their eyes.

Wow, felt like I was rambling there.

[pluckymom]

Now that she's 12 I think I know less than I did when I had her ! She makes me so nuts sometimes that I want to scream. Other times she can be sweet and I want to hug her. I know that it's those teen hormones kicking in. However i wish that they could bypass us all together :