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Everyone is against me... - Page 2

post #21 of 47
YOU are the one carrying the child for 9 mos and creating him inside your uterus.
NOT your family.
STRESS that and see if that helps.

Also mention that he can do what he wants with his penis when he is old enough, and if he doesn't like the foreskin he's more than welcome to book an appointment and pay for it to be cut off.
post #22 of 47
My in-laws were unhappy, I think, that we didn't circumcise our little boy, but they never mentioned it once he was born (after the first question). It came up in conversation once and MIL asked, but you didn't circumcise him, did you? and mentioned she prefers, as many women do, a circumcised man (including my SIL who is married to an uncircumcised man). So IME yes, people do forget about it after a while. My MIL has changed his diaper and apparently still forgot enough to ask that time. So it's not really on people's radar once the baby is born and you haven't done it.

But my daughter is twelve and we covered the whole issue back then as well, so they knew my feelings. I wouldn't bother arguing about it or trying to make your point of view understood. People really don't listen and are just as concerned about convincing *you* of their view, so it's a pointless conversation. It's just for you and your dh. If he wants to discuss it with his folks, great, but you don't have to, or factor in their opinions.

It can always be done later! But it can't be undone.

If you do have it done please make sure the baby is properly anesthetized, and be present. Dr. Sears discusses this in The Baby Book.
post #23 of 47
I do have to add that when I was pregnant with dd, and we didn't know the gender, dh mentioned he would want a boy circumcised, and at first I said "we'll talk about it," to be diplomatic, but at a calmer time I made it clear there was no way that would happen. I said I would have to be dead on the floor before I allowed it - literally over my dead body. I made my reasons clear to dh, and he still disagreed, and fortunately we had a girl and by the time we had a boy he didn't feel so strongly about it.

It's natural that people are attached to these issues when a new baby is on the way- one has an instinct to feel connected to all those ancestors and be one of a tribe, etc. So you find even atheists baptizing baby in their grandmother's christening gown, you know?

You say it will be hard to sway your dh. I say put your foot down, if you feel that strongly about it. Why does he get to be the stubborn one?
post #24 of 47
I'm from Palatine. Don't live there anymore, but my son is intact as well. And just to make you feel not alone I have a friend near Schaumburg that is due in October and is definiately leaving her little man intact. So, you're not alone!!

Just stand strong. If it comes up again I would tell them the facts: The AAP doesn't recommend it, it is cosmetic surgery, it is considered genital mutilation by many health organizations. Then, as everyone else has said, tell them it isn't up for discussion. Why oh why do people have to make an issue of this? Seriously, why can't they just leave it alone?



I just don't get why people think you should circumcise on the off chance that a kid one day when your son is 13 might just make a stupid uneducated comment. Why do people advise cutting off a piece of a baby's body to meet some sort of social pressure? I will never ever understand this. We are all different. We all have different hair, eyes, boobs, heights, weights, etc.... Why do people assume that all circumcised penises look the same? They are all different circumcised or not. It is the most assinnine reason to circumcise. It makes no sense whatsoever.

Ugh....sorry to go on, but it just makes me so mad!!!
post #25 of 47
Quote:
It's all well and good for them to hassle you about a "hypothetical" baby boy, but once they meet him, they'll realize how obscenely rude it is to insist on cutting pieces off him.
Mine didn't. They avoided him for almost the entire first year until they realised we weren't doing it no matter what.
post #26 of 47
Quote:
Fi: Mine didn't. They avoided him for almost the entire first year until they realised we weren't doing it no matter what.

Wow. That's pretty cruel.
post #27 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiesmom
I have never posted here, but have been lurking for a while. I have a 4yo dd and am expecting a son in Oct. I DO NOT want him circ'd, and am even thinking of how I can kidnap him from the hospital before dh has his way (he's still not given in, and I'm certainly not going to)!

I have a very large extended family, and we are devout christians. So, I have no religious reason to do it either.
Thanks,
Heather
A good web site to show them may be
http://www.noharmm.org/christianparent.htm
If they are big Christians this website may be eye opening!!
post #28 of 47
Wth? I can't believe all these people are so concerned about what your son's penis is going to look like.

Why can't people just make the connection that if every single boy on the planet is born with foreskin there must be a good reason for it?!?!

DH and I haven't mentioned to family that we are going to leave our son intact. I figure it's none of their business. I did ask DH what is he going to tell his family when they ask why our son isn't circumcised and he said, "I'm just going to tell them that it's not recommended anymore and not necessary." I was like, oh, ok duh, that's easy enough.

As for your DH, the PPs have given great suggestions.
post #29 of 47
This article may help explain what is going on in the mind of your dh:

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html
post #30 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi.
Mine didn't. They avoided him for almost the entire first year until they realised we weren't doing it no matter what.
What, they think the foreskin was gonna reach out and strangle them?

I'm sorry. People can be so danged weird and irrational sometimes.
post #31 of 47
If anyone other than your husband brings it up again you should just look at them like they have 10 heads and ask them why are they so interested in your son's penis? I heard that line often causes the meddlers to zip it up.Sometimes you have to let people know that you are the parent and not them and that any choices you make are not open for discussion.

Please keep us posted.I agree with the others regarding who has the authority to consent to circ.If the mother does not want it done then it will not happen but like the others said talk to your OB about it to be sure that this is the case in your hospital.
post #32 of 47
You are the only one that can sign consent, so DON'T sign!! DH can't talk to the doctor behind your back and have it done. (at least, he shouldn't be able to)

And don't talk about it with family. It isn't their business. I think my sister is the only that knows Nicky is intact.

I lived in Schaumburg for several years. I ended moving right before I delivered. Though the mid-west rates are high, the city/suburb hospitals see many more babies left whole simply because of the many different ethnic groups that reside there. After I didn't sign consent (and read every paper carefully in case they accidently toss it in there) I never heard about it again.
post #33 of 47
You and your dh really need to discuss this at great length. And if he absolutely refuses to leave your ds intact, you may need to prepare yourself for some sh*t to go down. If you stand strong on this, you may need to get a lawyer or something and it may ruin your marriage.

I'd try and see if dh is willing to let your ds make the decision himself. If he says it'll be too painful to get it later in life, explain to him that the pain is not any greater than it is at birth.
post #34 of 47
Actually, to add to my last sentence...it's probably less painful later in life because they'll use either a local anesthetic or even general.
post #35 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom
YOU are the one carrying the child for 9 mos and creating him inside your uterus.
NOT your family.
STRESS that and see if that helps.

Also mention that he can do what he wants with his penis when he is old enough, and if he doesn't like the foreskin he's more than welcome to book an appointment and pay for it to be cut off.
I like what you're saying, but I would a few words w/ the words, "his penis". It's HIS penis, not the family's. It's HIS choice to do w/ it what ever makes him happy when he's of legal age. You can't get a Prince Albert piercing pre-18 and if he wants mutilate his body to please himself, he can do that when he's of age.
post #36 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Microsoap
I like what you're saying, but I would a few words w/ the words, "his penis". It's HIS penis, not the family's. It's HIS choice to do w/ it what ever makes him happy when he's of legal age. You can't get a Prince Albert piercing pre-18 and if he wants mutilate his body to please himself, he can do that when he's of age.
Well i was refering to how she doesnt want it done and the family does... so by stressing that it is HER child and she doesnt want him circ'd she'd be stressing that ultimately it is HER choice so they can squabble about it all the want, but they are just going to have to accept the fact that he isn't going to be circ'd
post #37 of 47
without reading all the replies (so forgive me if i'm repeating) but one thing swayed my dh on the circ issue before we had our first son. while working as a nurse, i found that most hospitals don't offer circumcision any more -- and most that do require cash payment up front. one hospital i worked at had an info sheet for parents stating that circumcision is a medically unnecessary, cosmetic procedure and was not recommended any longer by the aap. i asked my dh if we had a girl if he would consent to having something done to her breasts or her vagina as a newborn. you know, something purely cosmetic.
needless to say, that changed his mind
post #38 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by KrystalC
If he wants it done for aesthetic reasons, explain the risks of a botched circumcision to him and then ask him which he thinks is better. As with any surgery, there is ALWAYS a chance something will go wrong and some babies even die during circ!! Is that really a risk he wants to take with your son for the sake of simple aesthetics?????
I totally agree with this. I'm about two hours west of Naperville and all too familiar with the must-circ brainwashing that goes on here. Often, there is no good reason given to do it; it's just believed to be "necessary." The other thing is, in a high circ area, if you dig deeper you'll find plenty of stories out there about complications. What's astounding is how much they're minimized or accepted.
post #39 of 47
Oh Katie! First of all, I am going through this with my DH now- he finally agreed to look at my research (and at the things I have found on these boards). I agree that no one in your family needs to know or have a say in any of this- repeat again and again, "This is not up for discussion- this conversation is over."

Second- I just moved to MI from Bolingbrook, and lived in Naperville for a year before that! It isn't a very crunchy place at all, is it? I am sending all sorts of prayers your way. I'm a Christian, and the flak I get from people about my anti-circ views is hard to deal with sometimes. Just remind them that, just as we no longer sacrifice burnt animals to God, we also do not cut our children.

Much love to you, and I hope it all works out well. Clara
post #40 of 47
I went through all sorts of hell to keep my son intact. My husband was totally against me and rallied all of his friends and my family to attack me. It was horrible, but I stuck to my guns and didn't fight...just said no and left the room if they pushed the issue. It continued after DS was born...just constant riding and harping and complaining and horrifying stories.

I swear, every single person has a horror story about someone who was circumcised at 90 years of age on his death bed and on and on and on.

I stuck to my guns and over a year later no one talks about it anymore. They gave up when they figured I wasn't going to bend on it. I even won a reluctant agreement from DH.

It was hell, but it was worth it.
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