DS (10) friends over all the time!

[kathymuggle]

While I am happy my Ds has people to play with - my Ds has friends over all the time and it is driving me nuts! I feel like I constantly have to be "on", and referee their squabbles (and yes, if there are 3 or more "friends" there are squabbles! Often the squabbles end in name calling or fighting which I am not OK with - so I intervene). There is often a sense, within the children, of you are playing with so-and-so over me, or so-and-so is a nerd - why are you playing with him? I am trying to teach my son appropriate responses to these situations, but as stated earlier, I am worn out. I think I need help knowing which boundaries to set. What works in your household?

I am considerring running off to my mothers country house as we speak to get away from neighbourhood children!:

Help and thanks for reading my rant!

KaTHY

[Strong Mama]

lurking here because i have the same prob!

[kathymuggle]

Glad I: am not alone!

[fek&fuzz]

When you intervene, are you helping them work it out or are you just stopping it? Maybe try not intervening for once, see how it progresses. If it gets to the point where they are yelling or being mean, then simply say that in-house play time is over, their yelling is disturbing you and you'd like them to go outside or to another friend's house if they can't work it out. Then if it escalates again, send the friends home. Not as punishment, but simply because they are disturbing you and you shouldn't have to be subjected to that.

Kids that age naturally do a lot of that, but if you can make them aware of it without actually getting involved in it, you might at least make them more conscious of it and perhaps they will "MOVE ON" as my dad used to say to us when our conversations became really annoying.

[Jaydens_mom]

Maybe you should explain to your DS that you like the fact that he has friends and enjoys playing with other kids, but it is a little over whelming having them all at your house all the time...

suggest maybe that he goes to thier house sometimes to play, instead of them all coming to yours..

that way the other mom can deal with the squabbles and you can have a little quiet time...

[kathymuggle]

I do think I need to be firmer about "squabble and you will go outside/or end up going home". It is insidious though, they will squabble, I will say "stop", and they do...for a bit.

He does go to some friends houses (although not as much as they come here) but in some situations I do not want him going over to the friends house due to poor supervision on behalf of the other parents: I expect that is part of the reason they play here - there IS an adult around and they feel "safe".

AHHH...school is coming! I will be happy when the neighbourhood children are back in school.

[Irishmommy]

May I suggest that you be glad they are at your house? I so want to be the "cool" house, where my kids' friends are here constantly. That way I know where dd is, and who she is with.

The squabbling though...

[kathymuggle]

For the most part I am glad they are here - then I can keep an eye over things!

I think it just that I am feeling drained today - probably need some adult/alone time to recharge batteries (ahh... I see it now, me, a coffee, and a nice bookstore...)

kathy

[MamaTaraX]

I look forward to someday being the house with all the children in it. Growing up, we were that house. My parents knew where we were and everybody (literally!) came over. My parents were frazzled sometimes but they liked it. I liekd it. My bro liked it. His friends liked it. Sure they squabbled but they worked it out. I want to be that house

(I am a mom of an almost 8 yr old btw -- I have been lurking in this forum a lot lately...preparing, I guess )

Namaste, Tara

[Jmo780]

Times like this when I am thankful we moved out of our townhouse comlex, we had the same problems!

Now we have a house away from alllllll kids! (Good for me, and lonely for the kids sometimes) But the only kiddos that come around, are Eriks 10/11 year old buddies from school who walk and stop on the way to church to pick him up and they all 5 walk down together. (right below our house, I can see it from my window)

Besides that, thankfully the neighbors moved and their 2 kids were major brats, so I am not complaining!

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

May I suggest that you be glad they are at your house? I so want to be the "cool" house, where my kids' friends are here constantly. That way I know where dd is, and who she is with.

The squabbling though...

That's EXACTLY what I was going to say...I lurv being the 'cool mom'