New Posts  All Forums:
 

Irrational Jealousy

Poll Results: Overall, how likely are you to be jealous of others?

 
  • 15% (20)
    I'm enlightened and deal well with the happiness of others.
  • 33% (43)
    I work toward not holding on to jealousy (and I do a good job), so I experience minimal jealousy.
  • 33% (43)
    I work on jealousy, but I still struggle.
  • 11% (15)
    I lean toward the jealous side.
  • 3% (5)
    I'm a totally jealous person.
  • 0% (1)
    You forgot my option, your poll isn't a good one, I can't decide, etc. (please feel free to elaborate)
127 Total Votes  
post #1 of 39
3/25/03 at 11:54pm
Thread Starter 
I like to think that I am an enlightened person who experiences minimal amounts of jealousy if any at all. I try to remember Marianne Williamson's (my favorite speaker/author) words about there not being limited amounts of happiness in the world...about being happy for other people who are happy knowing that this only brings for us more happiness. And yet, today here I am steaming in jealousy. To make matters worse, it's pretty irrational and nonsensical jealousy. I'll tell the story a little later, but for now I'm wondering, what's your experience of jealousy?

Needing to commiserate,
Sierra
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 39
3/26/03 at 12:21am
I don't know that I am that enlightened, but I am not a jealous person. I don't have time!

Jesse
post #3 of 39
3/26/03 at 12:24am
Oh I hear you. I try not to get jealous and when I do I try and let it go. But I got some deeply ingrained training.
Usually it is for people with more money and the ability to have a little more freedom. My dad - who gets vacations to nice tropical places every year, plus a lengthy trip to Yellowstone - usually makes me grumpy. Things like owning your own house and being a bit more debt free than dh & i are also brings it up.
More recently though it is babies. Anyone who manages to get pg makes me jealous.
More than jealous and wanting it for myself, it just makes me feel like it will never happen for me. I just get depressed.
So yeah - I hear you! Still not sure how to let it all go sometimes, especially when it comes to conceiving, but working on it.
post #4 of 39
3/26/03 at 12:59am
It depends on the situation. In general though, I'm not. At least not about material things.
post #5 of 39
3/26/03 at 1:05am
Having my boys has made me a much less jealous person. I used to be jealous of those who had more money than me and seemed to have it easier. Now I have a friend whose dh makes about three times (or more) what my dh makes and it doesn't make them any happier. I find that they seem to spend money just to spend money, and don't appreciate what they have. Even a $20.00 purchase for us is something that we budget for. I would never go to Target and spend twenty bucks on a new toaster (or whatever) without discussing it with DH and planning for it. We are by no means poor, but our priorities are to send our kids to Catholic school which costs money. We just bought a new (used -- 2002) minivan and we are soooo excited. My friend just kept telling me how we could get a new one for about four or five thousand more. Yes, but that's five thousand dollars we can't afford.

I don't have time to be jealous. I am too busy being happy and thankful for everything we have and have worked so hard to attain.

Adina, I'm still rooting for you to get preggo. I thought for sure this was your month. I sulked all day when I read that AF came to visit you.
post #6 of 39
3/26/03 at 1:25am
jbjcmom - No sulking on my account!! I am sure I did enough for everyone.
post #7 of 39
3/26/03 at 1:30am
Quote:
You forgot my option, your poll isn't a good one, I can't decide, etc. (please feel free to elaborate)
I'm jealous that you're so cool that you thought of this option for your poll.
post #8 of 39
3/26/03 at 1:36am
I'm minimal, but sometimes it gets to a point of really NOT likeing the person!

My brother in law and his wife have a HUGE four bedroom house, everything is so neat and orderly, they have a jacuzi and all the fancy stuff - NO KIDS.

We've got one 3 1/2 year old and one on the way, and we live in a smallish 2 bedroom condo.

I know it shouldn't get to me - but it does

Chelly
post #9 of 39
3/26/03 at 3:15am
I used to be jealous of people for two reasons: good looks, and money.

I soon realized that being dropdead gorgeous carries a whole bunch of burdens with it that I wouldn't want to have to deal with. And I also grew older and realized that alot of what I thought I needed looks to get, I could get with just a whole lot of self-love and confidence and kindness.

The money thing was alot tougher, but recently there have been times in my life I have been blessed to be able to do alot of things that one associates with "having money"...blowing a ton on clothes, travelling alot, etc. And I have learned first hand that it is so easy to think life will be different when you have more money, but that really you are on this endless spectrum where you could always have more. So not a whole lot really changes. And you still have days when you are tired or bummed out. You still have days where you and your DH fight. You still have days when you are bored/exhausted/whatever....I realized that having more money doesn't really change the things that are important.

So, my answer is that I work on it and I haven't felt jealous of anyone for quite some time. And of course, now that I have my beautiful DD, I could never wish to be anybody else, because then I wouldn't be her mother! So even tho money is tighter these days, i'm no less happy!
post #10 of 39
3/26/03 at 4:24am
I was never the jealouse type until now. My hubby lost his job, we had to sell our house and move back to my home town, move in with my mother. We haven't been able to buy anything except groceries. Anyway, my best friend just got engaged to a realy nice guy. He has a ton of cash and bought her a 2.20 ct diamond ring. I was a little jealouse, but I will work (hard) on it.
post #11 of 39
3/26/03 at 9:54am
Quote:
i don't have time to be jealous. I am too busy being happy and thankful for everything we have and have worked so hard to attain.
my thoughts exactly. being jealous is a waste of my time and energy, and does absolutely nothing to improve the quality of my life.

i havent ever been jealous either, even when i was younger.
post #12 of 39
3/26/03 at 10:39am
Quote:
Originally posted by sweetbaby3
my thoughts exactly. being jealous is a waste of my time and energy, and does absolutely nothing to improve the quality of my life.
According to some self helpers out there, you can use your jealous to point you toward the things you want to work in your own life. But I'm not sure that's true.

I get jealous over lots of stuff but most of the time it's things that I'm not willing to work to get. I'd like to better looking but I'm not willing to work out and diet. I'd like have more money but I'm not willing to work hard enough to get it. I'd like to live a more "natural/crunchy" lifestyle but so far I haven't invested the time in doing so.

Maybe I'm just jealous of people who aren't as lazy as I am! (Or who at least get more sleep)
post #13 of 39
3/26/03 at 3:24pm
I *do* get jealous, and I hate it. It makes me miserable. I know it is not helpful, and I don't know how to overcome it. I tend to compare things, which only ends up making me unlikeable and unhappy. I'm not sure what is entailed in "working on it." Trying really hard to feel differently doesn't usually work for me. But I do try to *think* differently.

One thing I have noticed is that I tend to be jealous of people who strike me as competetive. There are people who have more/better than I do, who I feel perfectly happy for with no element of jealousy. They are easy going nice people who share my priorities. And then there are people who I compare myself to constantly, and they are the sorts of people who do the same thing, and focus intently on competition. So, maybe it isn't all me.

There are probably too many judgemental people in my life, and it brings out the worst in me too. KWIM?
post #14 of 39
3/26/03 at 3:25pm
Cielle...good point. i wonder what everyone thinks the difference between jealousy and envy? i tend to think of jealousy in a real negative way, where as if i envy anyone, its more about that persons temperment, kwim? i have never been jealous, nor envious of another persons partner, bank account, house, car, body, legs, hair bleh bleh bleh. but if i do get envious, its more about how that woman interacts, or has more patience than me, kwim? i have a friend who told me recently that she was jealous of me! not because of my house, my car, etc, but because of how i "take things in stride" how i am always in "the zen garden". interesting......
post #15 of 39
3/26/03 at 11:33pm
Ashamed to admit it... totally jealous! But just with two things. I want a bigger house and to be thin so much I'm insane with jealousy over big houses and skinny women. Oh well I'm not freakin perfect... Warmly, Heather E
post #16 of 39
3/27/03 at 5:24am
Not jealous of others happiness. wish we could all be happy. i know that others happiness doesn't depend on taking anything away from me.

jealous when my partner is interested in other folx? Now that's a whole nother story!!!!
post #17 of 39
3/27/03 at 8:34am
I'm not jealous of other people money or possession; it might makes me dream a little bit about what life would be in that position but no hard feelings.

But I AM jealous for one thing now and it drives me crazy : pregnant women and new moms It's so hard to see them... and they are everywhere right now! Ds is the only child in his gym class with no new baby home or in the belly, DD's dance teacher just gave birth March 1st and bring her son to the classes.

I want a baby

DH and I have a rough time over this issue and this is so sad.

The problem is I might be able to see DH point for not wanting a third child but I can't stop that physical deep desire... I can tame it for a time but it keeps coming back and seems stronger everytime
post #18 of 39
3/27/03 at 1:03pm
Since we try to encourage the expansion of some of the smaller forums that are often forgotten and not posted to as often I'm moving this over to Personal Growth where the topic will be best hosted.

Peace and light,
~Cynthia
post #19 of 39
3/27/03 at 7:45pm
I am ashamed of it, but I get jealous when I think some young chickie poo is eyeing my man!!!!! The funny thing is, he doesn't have a clue as to what is going on. He doesn't even look at other women.
post #20 of 39
3/28/03 at 12:22am
this thread is so timely for me. i voted myself as 'struggling' ( : oh man, the story of my life- self imposed struggle.) anyway, i dont really get all that jealous of material stuff, but i just go ape$h*t when i think someone is getting recognition in an area where i deserve credit and imagine myself to be getting none.
for example, today dh was on the phone with his mum and she was going on about some trouble she was having. well, it just so happens that dh and i were philosophizing about this very subject the night before. so he proceeded to tell her all this stuff that i had said, but taking the credit for these as his own thoughts. ok, now i feel totally immature, but we had a tiff about it later, something along the lines of 'i said that first!' : so not cool.