Vanessa. I totally, completely get the furious, out of control, want to totally lose it anger.
To answer your original question, he started seeing her several months ago, but only within the last month, found the nuts to tell me about her. I too have called both of them not-so-respectful names, so I totally get that as well. In fact, my newest name for him is lying, cheating, stupid jackass bastard.
My therapist tells me to allow the feelings to go...just feel whatever you are feeling at that moment. Find a healthy outlet, I've taken to beating the crap out of pillows. He has said that the more you experience the emotions now, the less you will hold on to them. And honestly, my father left my natural mother, and she is *still* a bitter, angry, vindictive woman; NOT what I want for the rest of my life. I am hurt, overwhelmed, angry, and terribly, terribly sad. I admit that. I also am considering sending his ("
I sat here for several minutes trying to come up with a non-offensive name for her, but I just can't) "friend" an email. It would not be a hateful, angry email, but an honest expression of emotions. It will not change anything between them, but it will help me heal. There are some things I need to say; and even my therapist supports this idea.
Vanessa. I know how hurt and angry you are. Allow yourself to be angry. Anger can be a healthy emotion, just don't let the anger take over your life. I love you.