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When did your ex start seeing someone else?

2K views 40 replies 32 participants last post by  doulatara 
#1 ·
Stbx and I split up when he walked out on us out of the blue on July 10th. I am slowly figuring out how to organize my life and function as a single parent.
So now I have heard through the grapevine (small town) that he has gone on a couple of dates with someone new. WTF?????????? We have only been apart a freaking month???? And now he is screwing an 18 year old???
This is just insane. I really hope he doesn't plan to introduce his little piece of meat to ds b/c I will lose it.

When did your ex's start dating again? How did you handle it? How did your dc handle it? I need somehow to wrap my brain around all of this.
 
#2 ·
I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!
 
#3 ·
first


second:

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa
he has gone on a couple of dates with someone new.... And now he is screwing an 18 year old???
I'm sorry I understand how you are upset but...a couple of dates does NOT equal a sexual relationship..and if it did...it isn't any of your concern now. harsh maybe but true


Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa
I really hope he doesn't plan to introduce his little piece of meat to ds
whoa! whether she is having sex with your EX or not does not reduce her to a *peice of meat* you are upset (understandably) but calling your x's new girl names and reducing her to an OBJECT isn't going to help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa
When did your ex's start dating again? How did you handle it? How did your dc handle it?
I don't know about dating or even if he was having sex with someone else but he moved in with a female a few months ago. he claims it was platonic...I to be honest really don't care. he treated me and my sons like crap. my ds didn't have anything to handle as he stopped coming around during that time period. you DEFINATELY need to get a handle on this and you should start with thinking of your x's new gf as a PERSON. I know you are upset but it REALLY upsets me thinking of women reducing other women to things or peices of meat. men do that enough without members of our own gender contributing.
 
#5 ·
My ex put up and ad on adultfriendfinder.com and met some girls from there within weeks of me moving out. I knew because I checked our business e-mail account for bank account info and found some messages about him scheduling meet-ups with girls at our home while DS was there
When the dust blew over, he admitted to me he hooked up with a few girls but they were just flings.

He kinda started dating a bartender about 4 mos after I moved out, then he upgraded to a Hooters chick and then he dropped the hooters chick when he met his current GF while on a vacation.

I can't say anything mean about it though, I started dating someone very shortly after we seperated but it was a rebound relationship. I think my self esteem was so wounded after being with ex for all those years that I just needed a little reassurance that I still "had it". I didn't get into a serious relationship until I had been seperated for 9 mos.
 
#6 ·
Mine had a new girlfriend while we were still together ( he was cheating on me when i was 7 mos preg ) so i left him when she came down the stairs from my room after i had been told to stay the night at my mom... then he had the indencency to bring her to the hospital when his sister picked him up to come see the baby..

However,
Now he isn't with her anymore ( they did date for almost 2 years though), he apparently has a new gf and is moving in with her?!?! ( they just met )...

I haven't replied to that part of the email he sent me yet, but when i do, it will be along the lines of.

"Thats great, but you will be required to let me meet her before he stays at your house with you and her"

I don't care that he has a gf, but i do care what she is like... ( he picks drugees and real pieces of work most of the time
) and i would like to have an idea of who my son is going to be seeing when he is over at his dads.
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mammakerry
I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!

Good way to look at it!

As for my ex- I have no idea when he started dating or being in a sexual relationship. Don't care to know either. The only woman I know of that was with him was the end of last year (so 2 years after I left him.... though I'm sure there's other woman I don't know about). I don't know specifically but I know they were together around Thanksgiving (when he stopped taking ds on visits) and they broke up sometime before Christmas (when I happened to see ex and he decided to tell me, for some unknown reason). I did not know about her prior to that, but I do not believe he has introduced ds to any woman. He had his visits in his parents house and his mom would not have allowed that. I recently found out that a little bit before thanksgiving his gf spent the night. He was supposed to have Owen the next morning but his mom told him she'd tell me if he brought Owen over while the girl was there. She wanted him to tell the girl to leave for a few hours. Instead he called me and said he was "too tired" to come get Owen.
: Apparently the other woman has "seen the light" and left him
 
#11 ·
ah, just to join the club here, my ex started seeing someone before we split, when I was 20 weeks pregnant with dd2. He did have to wait the six months grace period after our divorce to remarry, though, so they didn't get to tie the knot until about a year and a half after hooking up.

FWIW, I waited, oh, 2 years or so before even thinking of dating. I had babies to birth and kids to care for...
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilian
My ex put up and ad on adultfriendfinder.com and met some girls from there within weeks of me moving out. .
That site is just for hook-ups. It's not for meeting people for quality relationships. ugh! :puke

My ex was screwing people our entire marriage so it was no surprise that he got involved in a "serious" relationship a month after moving out. He's needy and needed someone. He can not function without someone.
 
#13 ·
My ex started "dating" other people before we were even married, apparently. I found out last year he has a 9 year old daughter, which means he was "dating" someone else while we were engaged. His current girlfriend/fiancee, he began "dating" a year and a half before we separated. He was playing family with her and our DS for about a year before he moved out.
 
#14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mammakerry
I try not to worry about X dating. It is completely out of my control, and it only hurts DC and me when I get upset by it. I just know that I don't want to be with him, so more power to another woman if she wants his crap. If she gets sick of him she can call me and join the club!

Preach, sister, preach!!!
 
#15 ·
I guess my post was a little intense. By dates I ment overnight dates. He rents a suite from a mutual friend of ours. Also I know the "girl" in question and she is a hard drug user, a partier and not someone I would even leave alone with ds for even an instant. I can personally name 9 men that this 18 year old woman has slept with.
I called her a piece of meat b/c the other words I would use to describe her are alot worse than that.
He told me today that he wants to introduce ds to his new "girlfriend".....

Quote:
it REALLY upsets me thinking of women reducing other women to things or peices of meat. men do that enough without members of our own gender contributing.
That was not my intention and I am sorry I offended you.

But the whole idea of this happening offends me. How can he think I will allow a junkie anywhere near my son. He gave me full custody, does that allow me to say that he CANNOT bring her around him?

to all you mams that were cheated on. I can't help but wonder if he was seeing her before he ended it with me. I am going to book an STD test tomorrow. The very idea of "sharing" him is really sickening.

I know it really doesn't concern me who he dates (but it is still heartbreaking) and I think that it DOES concern ds. Therefore it does concern me...KWIM?
 
#16 ·
my ex started seeing someone new about 2 weeks before we split. she moved in immediately with him, and it lasted a month or so, & now they're separated because he "wanted too much" and she can't trust anyone. i can't pretend to understand the dynamic. it sucked dropping DS off at his "new nuclear family". felt REALLY weird. hard to imagine the 3 of them cosleeping, etc. who knows what she'll do next - she is talking about heading out on a nonmonogamous path like she used to before we were together. whatever. i know i'll need probably a couple YEARS before i'm ready to date.
 
#17 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa
That was not my intention and I am sorry I offended you.
I was not offended. the cycle of hate/anger/namecalling is a tough one to break. I just feel that even though she might be all those things she is still a person and still deserves basic respect (acknowledgement that she has feelings/thoughts/etc too) It is just wrong IMO to namecall someone where they cant even defend themselves. and especially such demeaning names. I dislike my stbx but i don't call him a peice of meat or refer to him as an object kwim?

also it just seems to me that you are VERY full of anger/hate. it is normal i noticed you have just split a month ago but please be aware of how dangerous that is. I'm all about peace and love
 
#18 ·
My X started talking to a former girlfriend a few months before he told me he wanted a divorce. I didn't know anything about it until I came to move my stuff, about 4 months after DS and I left. I came in the house with DS and several friends (along with their kids) to find his GF's overnight bag and stuff in the bedroom. He basically set it up to humiliate me, or so he told me that day. The GF sat in her car in front of the house for 10 hours. My X wanted to take the baby outside to hang out with his GF while I packed. It was the strangest day ever. She dumped him not long after that incident. It was pretty ugly, with her calling me names in front of my DS and friends. She was mad that I took my furniture and left him with nothing to sit on. I was very angry with him at the time, but now I realize that it is just a sign of his mental state. A few days later, he was admitted to the hospital. That's when he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
 
#19 ·
Hey, CalebsMama, give Vanessa a break, there. Her stbx just totally upended her life and dicked over her child. It's true you have to be careful when you're angry, but she'll mostly get over it in a while. =)

I'm struck throughout this thread by the crazy way women are fighting over men, btw. And what prizes these men appear to be.
I think that if I ever get involved seriously again, I'll tell the guy I want to get to know a couple of recent exs, first, and hang with them. I'm so not into picking a guy up from the way some awful woman treated him, ever again.
 
#21 ·
Quote:
also it just seems to me that you are VERY full of anger/hate. it is normal i noticed you have just split a month ago but please be aware of how dangerous that is. I'm all about peace and love
I am glad that you can be in that head space but I just can't. I am so sick of people telling me that I should "get over it". Stbx keeps telling me what a "harsh bitch" I am being.

If at any time in my life, now seems like a time I am allowed to be bitter and angry.
 
#22 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by JustVanessa
I am glad that you can be in that head space but I just can't. I am so sick of people telling me that I should "get over it". Stbx keeps telling me what a "harsh bitch" I am being.

If at any time in my life, now seems like a time I am allowed to be bitter and angry.

I agree with you, Vanessa. Your X hurt you by picking up and leaving so suddenly; it's only natural to feel angry and hurt that he is running around town acting like you and your child don't exist. No one can deny you your emotions. You are not a "harsh bitch"; you are a human.

I have to say that I was a bit offended at an earlier post that seemed to jump down your throat for some words you used regarding a woman who might be seeing your X. All single women (and men) have a responsibility to tread carefully when dating a separated father or mother of young children. I say this because I spent a good part my twenties and part of my thirties as a single woman, and I wouldn't even consider spending two minutes with a man who would abandon his family and want to date so soon!

Let me rant for a little bit about these men (I had the misfortune of running into many), and how tiring and cliche their stories always are, how they portray themselves as "victims", how they paint this dark portrait of a wife who supposedly no longer cares for them, that she does not want intimacy. As a single woman, I knew of fellow singles who would take full advantage of the situation. It's a dirty competition thing that no one ever talks about, but it's there. Now, these women deserve the words you used-- and more.

Since you do live in a small town, it would be ridiculous that this new woman does not at least know of you. I don't care that she's 18; if she's old enough to date your X, she's old enough to know better.

Everyone gets wronged at some point or another, and everyone feels this need to lash out. We need to feel it and own it before we can move on to that peaceful state described in one post.
 
#23 ·
Vanessa. I totally, completely get the furious, out of control, want to totally lose it anger.
To answer your original question, he started seeing her several months ago, but only within the last month, found the nuts to tell me about her. I too have called both of them not-so-respectful names, so I totally get that as well. In fact, my newest name for him is lying, cheating, stupid jackass bastard.
My therapist tells me to allow the feelings to go...just feel whatever you are feeling at that moment. Find a healthy outlet, I've taken to beating the crap out of pillows. He has said that the more you experience the emotions now, the less you will hold on to them. And honestly, my father left my natural mother, and she is *still* a bitter, angry, vindictive woman; NOT what I want for the rest of my life. I am hurt, overwhelmed, angry, and terribly, terribly sad. I admit that. I also am considering sending his ("
I sat here for several minutes trying to come up with a non-offensive name for her, but I just can't) "friend" an email. It would not be a hateful, angry email, but an honest expression of emotions. It will not change anything between them, but it will help me heal. There are some things I need to say; and even my therapist supports this idea.

Vanessa. I know how hurt and angry you are. Allow yourself to be angry. Anger can be a healthy emotion, just don't let the anger take over your life. I love you.
 
#25 ·
My ex was whoring around looking for new girls since a couple months before he broke up (his new gf admitted this to me...while trying to tell me how great of a guy he is...?) As far as I know about a month after we broke up he slept with some girl and then about a month after that he started dating another girl who's as bad as he is. After I got my child support order she messaged me cussing me out and telling me how if it were a moral court I would be paying him. They so deserve each other. Oh, and the best part is from what I've been told she won't sleep with him so now he's stuck with a superbitch and not even getting any.
But I haven't heard about jerkface, misses jerkface or any of his jerkface family or friends in a few months now so I don't know how many other girls he's slept around with since. haha
 
#26 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jster
FWIW, I waited, oh, 2 years or so before even thinking of dating. I had babies to birth and kids to care for...
It's been a little over a year now for me. I've become quite relationship-phobic since we broke up. lol
 
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