Husband's who force it & unhappy wives

[kldliam]

I see that this is really a problem for alot of mommies that come in here. What do we tell these women when their husbands just wont listen to reason???

I swear I would want to kill my husband if he ever tried to make me hurt my child. How on earth do we help these mommies when their husband just wont listen to any of it?

[alegna]

I just tell them to stand strong and not give in. Most states won't circ in the hospital without mom's okay. So I say mom never let go of the baby.

-Angela

[InDaPhunk]

Many of these husbands are injured by circumcision, so i direct the wives here:

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

Course some of the significant others are just aholes, but I think they are less common. Whichever the case, the mothers must be unrelenting in their decision to leave their baby intact.

[Shaunam]

: to angela

I know it doesn't help a lot of women to hear this, but I would have divorced my DH before I let him "force" me to sign the consent form. If it is important to you, you WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN. As a partner/wife/mother, protecting your children comes FIRST above everything else. I would not be a good mother OR a good wife if I'd given in and let DH decide. I would have failed my DS and I would have been bitter and resentful towards my DH which would have probably ended the relationship eventually anyways.

If giving in despite strong feelings about circ causes you to resent your DH, you might as well threaten the relationship sooner rather than later. JMO.

[Daisie125]

Mothers have to decide for themselves how important this issue is to them. For me, I would have left my DH to keep DS intact. He knows this. I made some horrible decisions about my first child, and he knows that I will protect DS at any cost. DS comes first, period. Some people may not feel that strongly, and for them, I think convincing their DH's is a bit harder, because they have to come to a decision they can both live with.

I think our culture is the main problem, it is very hard to convince someone that circ is wrong when it's been done to them.

Not that any of my post was at all helpful... *sigh*

[kldliam]

after the birth of my children....they suddenly became more important to me than any man I could ever love.

If a man, whom I believed that I loved, literally forced me to hurt my child like this, I think that I would really be forced to rethink why i loved him at all.

Thank God my husband was in my corner.

[laneylue]

Originally Posted by kldliam

after the birth of my children....they suddenly became more important to me than any man I could ever love.

If a man, whom I believed that I loved, literally forced me to hurt my child like this, I think that I would really be forced to rethink why i loved him at all.

ITA. My kid/s come FIRST before any other human being on the planet. In convincing DH not to push me to circumcise, I believe I even told him this. I don't think it was a hard pill for him to swallow, though, because I'm sure he would expect no less from the mother of his children.

Unfortunately, there are still a lot of men out there who (think they) wear the pants and have the final say over everything in the relationship. Those are going to be the really tough cases.

[coloradoalice]

I think some very good advice is to turn it around on them. Why should you have to justify leaving a child just as they were made? I told my husband that if he would do research and could prove to me that circumcision was necessary and our doctor would agree that it was 100% necessary to do it, then we could talk about it. Until then we would leave any boys just as nature intended them to be.

I think that just like every other medical procedure circumcision should have to be justified. Put the burden of proof on the one that wants it done. Why should you have to prove the benefits of not having surgery?

And I agree with the pp that most of these men have been damaged by circumcision themselves, and they find it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that they are missing something that should be there. It's very difficult for them to think their sex life could be better, they should look different, they don't even have part of their penis!! When I first took this up with my husband I was very adament and that was that. But now when we talk about this topic I find I am much more sensitive towards him. Because I can't imagine what it must be like to come to and embrace so much knowledge about something that was done to you as an infant and robbed you of "normal". It's very difficult. I remind myself he is a victim himself and I need to be sensitive to that.

I really feel sorry for all these men and husbands who were tortured and are now having to deal with the tide turning and their sons being left normal. It's a very big pill to swallow.

[caricandothis]

I am one of those wives, well, for now. Dh and I have only had one very emotional discussion about it so far. I waited far too long to admit to myself how very important this issue is to me and am anticipating a very long battle to get him to understand WHY it is so important to me. We will discuss it again, and I can only hope and pray that he is more receptive to the idea than he was last night.

I really, really love coloradoalice's advice and may use that as one of my "tactics", if general knowledge of the subject isn't enough. I won't tear my family apart over this issue bc I really don't feel it will ever come to that point, but I will not sign the consent form in the hospital either.

Knowledge is power and I am going to use these last few weeks before my precious son's birth to educate myself to the fullest extent to protect him.

[hubris]

I also try to turn it around.

We should not say "her husband won't let her not circ."

Instead, we should say that the woman will not consent to unnecessary surgery. She doesn't need to convince anybody of anything. The default setting is to leave the baby alone. If and only if somebody can prove to her that her particular child's foreskin has a medical condition that can only be treated by its removal...THEN she will sign the dotted line. Until then, it's her child, her consent to give or not give. She should simply inform her husband that he cannot have the surgery performed on her child without her consent. Not the other way around.

[twin monkeys]

I have been thinking about this one for a while now and I think that the husbands should have to put as much research into it as they would for lets say buying a new truck, home theater system, you know the toys men love to buy they will read reports get advice from others but you ask them to do the research on something involving a penis and they think because they have one they know what is best.: I know I am a lucky one because DH left it up to me saying I would be doing most of the diaper changes so I'd be the one looking at it the most. So that made it an easy choice to just leave them the way they were born perfect.

[muckemom]

I'm sorry, but if Dh has refused to see the light I would have taken it to court... even if it meant leaving him. Besides, anyone, who has the knowledge, and STILL was pro-circ... isn't someone I would be willing to share my life with...

[Super Pickle]

Well, in my personal experience, a man who is absolutely adamant before the baby is born can soften up after the birth. Seriously, what man is going to tell his post-partum wife, whom he just watched give birth to his perfect, miraculous baby, that she absolutely MUST do something to the child which will completely horrify and devastate her? That there absolutely MUST be more blood, gore, and tears?

When a circ'ed man is insisting on circ'ing his baby, what he is really searching for is affirmation. The idea that his wife might think that his penis isn't "right" is very threatening. So, IMO, it's important to avoind the "sex is better with a forekin" argument and just stick to the "medically unnecessary, avoidable trauma" (but you are perfect, honey) argument.

When I was gearing up to protect my ds#2, my husband was insistent that we circ. We never fight, but we fought about this. Eventually I got tired of the confrontation and just let it go, and then stood firm after the birth. There has never been a problem. DH has even come so far as to admit that he knows there's no benefit and that it takes away sensitivity.

[frenchie]

Originally Posted by Daisie125

For me, I would have left my DH to keep DS intact.

I was actually considering this when my DH wouldn't budge. I had began looking into Mohel's, because I was told they do it pain free (which is a lie)...but after looking into it, I knew I didn't want to do it from the get go, even if it didn't hurt my son...I was raging inside at the thought of somebody cutting at my son's penis. Nothing has ever outraged me more than the disagreement my husband and I had about circ. I just thank GOD that he finally saw things my way, because I think I would've left him over it.

[eightyferrettoes]

Peace.