my girl, an intro

[witchbaby]

i've recently found myself blasted for noting my daughter is intellectually advanced compared to her peers. she is 2.5 years old and has the verbal and cognitive skills of a 4 or 5 year old. she has a hard time associating with kids her age and perfers to be around older children.
i've read around the forum and know there are other parents who feel like they have to be guarded when they speak of their children because of "giftedness" (i, like many others, am not a fan of this word and i have no proof, besides what i know of my daughter, that she is gifted) and am aching to be able to commisserate with others and discuss raising little people like this.
so, hi!

[Fiestabeth]

I'm so there with you! When M was your dd's age we were occasionally attending church and she came home one day very frustrated and said, "Mom, I try to talk to those kids and they just don't understand me." I had to request that she be moved up to the next "grade" so she could interact with kids at her level.

I'm also guarded with how much I share and with whom. And I've heard the usual: "Wow, she's like, scary smart." "She's too smart for her own good." "Awfully intense, isn't she?" and so on. I'm sure you can relate.

[wonderactivist]

I can totally relate to the intensity. I just know that when I go out of my way to acknowledge the strengths of other kids - athletic ability, great personality, social butterfly-ism, etc. - and if use the word "intellectual" instead of the more common "gifted," I get more support.

Luckily, a great friend in Orlando and another in Texas helped me to realize that my son's gifts were special, needed to be nurtured, and that I also needed to recognie and work on the negatives attached to his strengths.

By using holistic education methods, I challenge my intellectual child in ways that seem odd to some. For example, to my eldest, it is much more challenging to do a physical bean-bag game than to figure out a logical problem. We also had to try several before we found the sports he could enjoy without over-intellectualizing and then stressing.

This forum seems like one good place to look for support.

Best wishes,

Lucie
prepping for te many science experiments my sons have planned for this year, as we get ready for the homeschool year to begin in Sept.

[chinaKat]

My DH and I have sort of a jokey rule that we are only allowed to "brag" about DD 2yo to her grandparents. That's because they think the sun rises and sets on her and won't be put off by our tales of her brilliance.

[mamajody]

I have been lurking here, and I thought I would commiserate and intro my DD as well. She is now 3 and is, "very verbal" for her age. I found that by using that term we didn't offend or draw undue attention to her abilities. My DH and I were both in the gifted program in our school system as were our brothers. We don't see anything unusual about her and we don't brag. We also leave that up to the grandparents. It does make me uncomfortable though, when other parents put me in the position where I feel like I have too. They compare their kids to mine, and I just don't think that is fair. Every child is different and special. I often find myself drawing attention to DD's weaknesses to make them feel better. Does anyone else have this issue?

[chinaKat]

Originally Posted by mamajody

I often find myself drawing attention to DD's weaknesses to make them feel better. Does anyone else have this issue?

I have caught myself doing this and I HATE it when I do.

I don't want to give her the idea that being good at ANYTHING (being verbal, artistic, athletic, whatever) is something to be ashamed of. I'm working hard on correcting myself when I do this.

[mama_kass]

My ds#1 is ten years old. When he was a wee one people use to always say that he talked and acted like a little adult. He is still very much like that today. He has lots of friends and is very sweet and child-like in the sense that he plays with toys, imagination games, and all the rest. He is just very intellectual.

Sometimes it gets him in trouble. One of his homeschool friends bragged at being on a sixth grade reading level and wanted to know what my ds reading level was. When he told him he wasn't sure but that he was tested when he was 7 and it said grade 12 and a half he was accused of lying. His feelings were hurt.

I find kids at this age are very competitive in their knowledge. My ds has a lot of knowledge on many subjects and kids get rather put off by it sometimes. I have talked to him about being careful what he says, but why? He's not boasting. He's just trying to contribute to the conversation. I don't want to teach him not to be too smart because people may not like it.

[witchbaby]

Originally Posted by mamajody

I have been lurking here, and I thought I would commiserate and intro my DD as well. She is now 3 and is, "very verbal" for her age. I found that by using that term we didn't offend or draw undue attention to her abilities. My DH and I were both in the gifted program in our school system as were our brothers. We don't see anything unusual about her and we don't brag. We also leave that up to the grandparents. It does make me uncomfortable though, when other parents put me in the position where I feel like I have too. They compare their kids to mine, and I just don't think that is fair. Every child is different and special. I often find myself drawing attention to DD's weaknesses to make them feel better. Does anyone else have this issue?

i do it often. in the same post where i was blasted for noting her "advancedness," i hastened to say she is slightly behind in motor development-- she broke her leg at 20 months, when she was just learning to jump and walk up stairs alone, but was behind before, learning to crawl and walk later than most kids. and she isn't potty trained. i don't think it's fair to her. :/

[ecco]

My dd is 2.5 also, and crazy smart. I'm really at a loss when it comes to challenging her (or at least keeping her from getting bored). She has shelves of books she's memerized, all of her puzzles figured out, knows half of the countries on the globe, you name it. I've been warned about making her "too smart" before school because she may not fit in. After all, if she's smart she'll always be smart. But, she's at the "sponge" stage right now, and depriving her of learning more seems like such a horrible thing to do!
My aunt raised/is raising 3 "gifted" girls. They went/are going through the advanced courses in school, see a psychologist to help them deal with being "different" than their peers, the whole nine. But, my aunt told me a few months ago, even with how smart her girls are and all the things they did at various ages, they never could have held a candle to my DD. I call her my "child of the corn". She truely is amazing, and I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only person trying to raise one of these totally amazing and totally maddening children!
Namaste
~~ecco

[wonderactivist]

Originally Posted by mamajody

I often find myself drawing attention to DD's weaknesses to make them feel better. Does anyone else have this issue?

I SO have to stop myself from doing that. I think it is a big negative for gifted kids that sometimes people get "put-off" by their strengths, so what must it do when they hear us speak about ther weaknesses..

I try-try if I can catch myself, to stop from saying the negative, but instead turn it around to a positive for the other child, or something about my son (that isn't a brag), like he's SO into playing his drums just now...or "he did' really enjoy Tae Kwon Do, but likes tennis instead... or something.

But it is a challenge and I think that what you are tempted to do is a natural response to try to gain social acceptance - one we all have to fight.

Best wishes,

Lucie

[Roar]

Originally Posted by ecco

My dd is 2.5 also, and crazy smart. I'm really at a loss when it comes to challenging her (or at least keeping her from getting bored). She has shelves of books she's memerized, all of her puzzles figured out, knows half of the countries on the globe, you name it. I've been warned about making her "too smart" before school because she may not fit in. After all, if she's smart she'll always be smart. But, she's at the "sponge" stage right now, and depriving her of learning more seems like such a horrible thing to do!

~~ecco

Maybe what would help is a change in thinking a bit. It isn't really an adult responsibility to keep a child from being bored at home. If she has free time to play and stuff to explore and you interact with her some, then you've done your job. You can't really "deprive" her of learning if she's in an enriched environment. How exactly would you do that?