7 year old with very mean teacher, what do I do?!!! - Page 2

[sweetangelbrynlie]

Okay after reading all the posted I got all fired up. I contacted the principal at home and talked with him. He says to me "weve never had a problem with Mrs. D, she has taught in our school for 21 years and is wonderful with children, perhaps your DD has other issues that is causing this?" I let him know that I wanted something done, I wanted her out of the class. He said he didn't think that was necessary.

So, what if they won't change her and the teacher finds out I called and she torments my DD all school year? Im so scared! I can't homeschool, I don't even have a highschool diploma!!

[Elyra]

If it were me, I would wait until Monday and then go speak to him in person. Tell him yes there are other issues and you are working with your daughter, but that you have thought more about it and you still want her moved, now. Do not give them the option. If you don't stick up for her no one else will. I know it must be a very difficult thing to do, but really I wouldn't let them just tell you they won't move her. Could you look at another school? I know sometimes you can switch public schools.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by sweetangelbrynlie

Okay after reading all the posted I got all fired up. I contacted the principal at home and talked with him. He says to me "weve never had a problem with Mrs. D, she has taught in our school for 21 years and is wonderful with children, perhaps your DD has other issues that is causing this?" I let him know that I wanted something done, I wanted her out of the class. He said he didn't think that was necessary.

So, what if they won't change her and the teacher finds out I called and she torments my DD all school year? Im so scared! I can't homeschool, I don't even have a highschool diploma!!

First of all, please call him back or have your husband call him back. Sorry to be sexist, but he will listen to a man better than to a woman, odds are.

Please tell him the following:

1. Whether or not she's been Mother Frickin' Teresa up to this moment is IRRELEVANT.

2. The fact remains, her behavior was unprofessional and inappropriate to ANY child, and particularly so to one recently traumatized.

3. Unfortunately, unless he can possibly resolve this situation, your next step will be to inform the following individuals in writing:

a. His district supervisor, complete with a very thorough description of events,
b. The superintendent of schools, complete with same,

and

c. The news media

and

d. Lawyer (for harassment)

Then ask him this: "So...what plan do you propose for solving this problem?"

Then follow through. Please. Please. Please do not let this go.

P.S. I am a teacher. Please do not let a person like this continue in my same profession without repercussions.

Oh, and as a teacher, let me tell you this in re: homeschooling and in re: no high school diploma --

YOU CERTAINLY CAN. Teaching ain't rocket science. You know how to read, you know how to do math. Those are the biggies. You don't have to commit to twelve years; you can HS for this year and see how it goes. At the very least -- even if you teach your child *nothing at all,* your child will be better off with you than with that teacher. Please.

I'm asking this again on my bended knee. I had teachers like that when I was a kid. You did too. I remember them. You do too. I can't tell you what I would've given to have been homeschooled.

Just a thought.

[oregongirlie]

I'm a public school teacher, expecting my first child. Here are some of the things I'd do or say. Don't call the principal at home any more at all. Make an appointment with him asap with whomever answers the school phone. Don't talk on the phone, go in to see him. Mention (if it's true) that you're not a parent who hassles the school for little things, that you're very serious about this and that you belive that at best this teacher and your child are a bad match. Mention that you're concerned that this relationship is damaging to her and seems like it could have long term effects which you're not sure you have the resources to repair. Above all, be calm, polite and professional. Refuse meetings with the teacher or your daughter present. Other things you can do are request to spend time observing or helping in your daughter's classroom (if you have time) to see how things are going, "to observe her in order to work with her" (but really to check up on the teacher). Put the problem back on them in the end. You could mention that this is a real problem and you're willing to be supportive, but you're not willing to pick up the pieces when your child repeatedly comes home hurt. As a parent you would rather spend your energy and time to support the teacher and school, not doing damage control. Let him know that your child will have to be removed from this class immediately, that you don't believe that he's never had problems with this teacher, and that you personally had problems with her as a child. Let him know that it is counted to your credit that you even let your child be placed in her class at all, and that you never mentioned your own childhood problems with this teacher. If he won't see you say it's an urgent and if he can't meet with you soon, you'll have to make a call to the superintendent or someone who can help you. If he meets with you but won't change her class, say something like, "Are you sure, because I'm prepared to escalate this to the superintendent." Getting through to the superintendent may be difficult (they're really, really busy) but start with a phone call saying you have tried all you can do at the school level regarding a class placement problem and you really need help. Hopefully that will get you a meeting or something. Don't give too many details to the secretary. Be moderately apologetic, that you don't want to cause trouble but you really believe this is a serious problem for your child and that you expect a resolution.

[mimim]

I haven't been in a classroom full time for several years, but I am a teacher as well.

I do not think you should mention your experiences with this teacher. This is not about that and it will give the impression that your opinion was formed before any incidences between your daughter and this teacher occurred.

Simply insist (definitely in person, one on one with the principal) that your daughter is transferred to another classroom. Since it's the beginning of the year, it will be a very minor disruption.


And you don't need a high school diploma to homeschool. Your DD's not in high school is she?

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by sweetangelbrynlie

Okay after reading all the posted I got all fired up. I contacted the principal at home and talked with him. He says to me "weve never had a problem with Mrs. D, she has taught in our school for 21 years and is wonderful with children, perhaps your DD has other issues that is causing this?" I let him know that I wanted something done, I wanted her out of the class. He said he didn't think that was necessary.

what a terrible, maddening situation. i can't even finds words to describe how i feel. so sorry for what you are going through now, and about your accident.

you dd needs time to heal after the trauma, and it will take some time. my dd witnessed a car running over my foot 20 months ago, she was 2.5. she still talks about this. and it wasn't as traumatic as what your dd went through.

Originally Posted by sweetangelbrynlie

I can't homeschool, I don't even have a highschool diploma!!

yes you can. sure you can. anyone who wants to can homeschool. i have diplomas and degrees and honestly, none of them help me homeschooling. they do indirectly, because i maybe have the confidence, but you can build confidence in other ways. like by observing how much happier your dd will be, how much more she will learn while seemingly doing nothing. do you honestly think she will learn and retain better in school after her experiences there? and as charles boudelaire said above, even if she learns absolutely nothing (and this is an impossibility), she will be much better off.

learn about unschooling. learn together with your dd about things that interest her. do things together. have fun together. follow her lead. borrow books from the library and read with her. go to museums, science center, galleries, parks. enjoy each other. you both have been through so much.

your dd needs time to heal, both from the accident, and from the torment in school. this is your priority now. focus on her this year. she won't get 'behind' in terms of school if you decide to put her to school later and decide not to unschool. look up the requirements for her age. i am sure she can learn them in a month or two, if she doesn't know them already. think how much time in school is wasted on stupid remarks by sadistic teachers, getting everyone's attention, transitioning from activities to activities etc. whether you unschool or do school at home, she won't need to sit for 5 hours, you will be able to cover the material in 20-30 minutes. so you have lots of time to take several months off, bond with your dd, and learn about different philosophies of homeschooling and which one suits your dd and you best.

whichever you choose, i strongly suggest you use some time to deschool with her, and just let her be, considering the trauma she has been through.

[kitchenwitch]

yikes

stuff like that makes me glad I homeschool!!! I don;t know what I would do if someone talked to my child like that!

[meisterfrau]

As a teacher myself, I will echo what others have said...don't call, go there and talk to him face to face. This is MUCH more effective. IME it's a lot harder for administrators to blow you off/not take concerns seriously if you show up. Being hauled into a conference with an administrator and a parent is also often all it takes to get a teacher to behave from that point on with your DC, so I wouldn't necessarily refuse if the principal suggests it. Also, I agree that you sure can homeschool her, for all the reasons others have mentioned.

I had a nasty first grade teacher. And a nasty second grade teacher. And a nasty fourth grade teacher. And a nasty fifth grade teacher. And a nasty seventh grade math teacher...I had a terrible attitude toward school by the time I was in high school, and no wonder! No one stood up for me to these teachers, and I sure wish they had. My DD is only 19mo, but I will not make the same mistake my mother did and just let it slide. These early experiences will have such a great impact on how your daughter looks at school for the rest of her time there. You're doing the right thing. Keep your resolve!

[mata]

Originally Posted by sweetangelbrynlie

He says to me "weve never had a problem with Mrs. D, she has taught in our school for 21 years and is wonderful with children, perhaps your DD has other issues that is causing this?"

behhh! WRONG ANSWER!

He should have said he would investigate the matter-the response he gave you speaks volumes about how dysfunctional this particular school probably is. Clearly the administration protects and enables a bad teacher to do the damage she's doing, and blames the victim. It is his obligation and his job to treat this incident seriously!

I'd proceed as Charles Baudelaire suggested. I had a bad incident with my 7th grade principal, and my parents came and pulled me out of school that day and took it as high as they could go. The principal was transfered out of the school within two years. Some people just do not belong in those jobs and this woman sounds like she should be offered "retirement!"

[Maple Leaf Mama]

I haven't read all of the replies.
But she sounds like a vile person who should be fired as a teacher.
Let me explain why I feel this way. I'm sure you will understand.

When I was in grade 4, my mum died. I took a week off. Then back at it.
My teacher was very mean to me.
I was having problems adjusting and concentrating.
My dad was also mentally and physically abusive to me.
I had (and still do) have terrible problems with math.
This woman would keep me back from recess, gym, art--you name it-so I would finish work.
2 weeks after my mum died, she told me that unless I finished my math homework while everyone else was in gym, I couldn't participate in the May day -may pole dance-which grade 4's did every year.
I cried the whole time.
She belittled me and was very mean the rest of the year.

I'm 35 now and told my dad about all this a couple of years ago. I cried like a baby. (and called her the C word)

All this to say that this byotche can have long term implications for your DD's self esteem and mental health.
IMO she is either having-or is on the edge of having panick attacks.
BTDT.
This wicked woman without an ounce of empathy needs to be talked TO by her headmaster.
Does the school have a psychologist that could break down your DD's issues in bite sized chunks for this woman to understand?
Or could that cause more ridicule for your DD?

The fact that she was like this 20 years ago-and still like this makes me nuts.
How many kids has she turned off of school?
AAARGH-can you tell this is bringing up issues for me??

BTW-whenever I go to school functions-she is there. She used to be the head of junior school for a while. She tried to speak to me and I turned and walked away.
I shopuld have had the ovaries to tell her my feelings.

Sorry. I'll stop now.
Whatever you decide-make sure there is someone else there to witness everything!

[charmander]

First, I'm so sorry your DD was treated like that. That is horrible.

Second, who's his boss? If this principal won't listen to you/make an appt/ address your concerns, please consider contacting higher-ups at the school district.

I would demand my child be moved into another teacher's class, and nothing would stop me from attaining that goal. I would be one pissed off momma that nobody would want to deal with! :::

[Nickarolaberry]

Get. Her. Out. Now.

I'm sorry, Mama. This is making my own heart race with anxiety and my stomach clench for what your little girl must be enduring every single minute of every single school day. Because even if the teacher (and I'm using that term loosely here) is not actively targeting your girl, your girl is sitting there in a stew of anxiety over what may happen next, over her feeling of insecurity, over knowing that she is NOT SAFE IN THAT CLASSROOM because her teacher will not come to her aid no matter what happens. She can't concentrate. She can't learn.

Even if she sat and watched TV for the rest of the school year at home, she would be better off and learn more.

You can homeschool. You don't need a degree. You just need to know how to read, how to love your baby, and how to watch her learn about the world as any 5/6 year old would -- bake together, go to the library, go to the store, go to museums, go to the zoo. Take walks, look at bugs. Have her help you measure out groceries, count out change, go to the post office and talk to the clerk about weighing packages and figuring postage. Get the Leap Frog videos and watch them together, read books out loud, listen to fun story tapes.

Get. Her. OUT. NOW! before this hag quelches her love of herself and her love of learning, and learns instead not to trust those who should be protecting and nurturing her. Because she WILL remember that you came to her defense, believed her, made the world safe for her again. Do NOT DELAY.

You do not need to be scared of the teacher, of the principal. They should be scared. You do not need to be intimidated by them. Clearly all their "education" has proven that even idiots have degrees. And lots of very smart people have no degree. A degree has no bearing on intelligence. You are her Mama and only you can advocate for her ... no one else is going to step up to the plate to protect her. Homeschooling is legal in every state, and they can't do anything to stop you. Be the mama bear, mama! Bring her home.

:

[E.V. Lowi]

My dd was in 2nd grade at our local public school when she got a MONSTER for a teacher, just like the one you are dealing with now. My dd went from being happy, well adjusted and loving school, to being miserable, sad and withdrawn within a week of beginning a class with this CREATIN. After several attemps to straighten things out; such as meeting with the teacher, class observations, speaking with the principal--nothing helped. DH tried volunteering in the classroom so that he could keep an eye out on her and even the other children would beg him not to leave. The teacher was sneaky mean and having a parent around kept her from her usual cruelty. The only reason that we didn't pull dd out right away was that she didn't want to leave the class and be a "quitter". She also felt badly for the other kids who had to stay there! After six weeks, we finally took her out of the school and homeschooled for the rest of the grade. It took a couple of years for dd to get over the terrible experience, and she really never was the same after that. I feel that dd lost her joyful innocence to that WITCH. I think it was her first experience with pure EVIL.

Dd was very lonely as a homeschooler, so the next year we started her in Montessori. She had a wonderful 3rd grade teacher who helped her regain her confidence. Dd stayed in Montessori until the end of middle school and has done really well there. The principal at the local public school called us a couple of times soon after we left, to see if he could get us to return--he wanted the fund$$, of course! He didn't give a sh*t about dd or the other kids. The teacher is still there, ruining young lives.

[Maple Leaf Mama]

: what Nickarolaberry said.

[saphire]

I've been keeping up on this thread, and I really like everyone's responces. Since its Sunday evening, I am concerned for your over what you will have to deal with tomorrow. I just want to lend my support so you can face the situation prepared for whatever choice you make. ( I think we all just really hope your dd doesn't have to go into that class again.) I am terrible with confrontation and your situation would have me all up in knots. Just remember you are the parent and it IS YOUR choice what happens to dd, you do *not* have to accept the principle not taking any action, or suggesting it's your dd's problem. Stay strong and follow this through.

[techno_dara]

Please update us on how this is going. One of my co-workers did this two years ago. He had so many problems getting his son in a different class. I hope things go better for you.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by sweetangelbrynlie

How should my conversation go? I want to be snarky so bad and tell her that I don't appreciate her embarassing my dd about the 911 thing!

Tell me how should I approach her about this? What should I say?

Not sure if this will be helpful in your situation BUT: I always like to engage the other person first.

So - If I were talking to a principal about this, I'd first engage HIM/HER in a dialog about what the classroom should look like, how things should be handled, what kind of atmosphere he cultivates in his school, etc. Most likely something will come out about respect.

Then you might start a dialog about belittling and bullying and start to use your example in the hypothetical sense. "So you'd agree that it would be unacceptable for a teacher to belittle a fist graders fears and cause the rest of the class to laugh at her right? Like say my dd has an anxiety about blood, if she were to approach her teacher about a small cut, what kind of reaction could I expect the teacher to have?" THEN bring up what actually happened.

You want to put the principal in the position of AGREEING with you BEFORE you bring up what the teacher did, which automatically puts the principal in the defensive postion and they'll always side with the teacher. Talk in the abstract FIRST, then bring up exactly what happened in the classroom

[Mackenzie]

Just curious how things are going, and if you have made any decisions. Update us when you can

[Parker'smommy]

As a teacher myself ( well, I'm "retired" right now...lol) and I can't even comprehend the principal's reaction. It's been in my experience, that if there is room in another class, the principal and staff will do their best to make the parent and student happy and comfortable because it is in THEIR best interest NOT to have an upset parent OR student. If a parent wanted a kid out of a class in my school, it was done, no questions asked. The parent didn't even need a good reason, the fact that they wanted their child changed was good enough. And while it's the principal's job to back his teacher's up ( the comment that she has never had anything against her) he should be making the parent and student happy. I can't imagine the teacher would want an unhappy parent or student in their class either, not worth the hassle imho.

Good luck!! ANd I agree, if you don't get the answers you want, go higher up!! The superinentendent won't like hearing about this and should do something pretty quickly. And if you still don't get the answers you want I would not hesitate to homeschool her, if only for this year. It's first grade work...you can do it!!!!

[mommy68]

: I would talk to the principal of the school and tell them exactly what your daughter told you. If that doesn't help then go higher up. This woman probably thinks she can get away with it since people generally don't believe what a 7 yr old says. I would personally ask for a different teacher and if I didn't get one then I'd take my child out of the school and homeschool her (I did that once when my oldest had a 3rd gr teacher we didn't like).