Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
Also about how if a child is say, throwing a cup on the floor over and over it isn't about making the parent mad, it's about the noise the cup makes.
Maybe its about the noise the cup makes, but maybe its about relaizing that even though it DOES make your parent mad, the child is the one who controls his own actions and that is a really cool thing.
To me it sets up a false scenario to say "oh your child does not realize he is making you mad, its just that he wants to hear the noise the cup makes"
This often makes a gd parent try to "honor the desire" and find other ways for the child to make the noise. The parent then gets frustrated when this does not seem to "work"
Sometimes, I think we have to acknowledge that the child, especially at the toddler age, DOES realize she is making her parents mad, but is thrilled with the knowledge that her parent's disaproval does not control her body, that SHE is in charge of her body's actions. This is a very important and healthy thing for her to know.
The result then is not to be annoyed at the child for "knowing what she is doing is wrong, but doing it anyway" or for (and i see this all time on this board) "laughing at us"....but instead UNDERSTANDING why it is normal and natural for a child to take delight in doing what they know they are not supposed to.
Thus, I might remove the cup from my child's hands if she was throwing it and doing damage and not able to stop, but i would not be upset or mad or annoyed with her for trying to do it.