infertility tensions with the hubby. . .

[kashimama]

My dh and I are feeling the heaviness of this whole process right now. It seems like all we've talked about this entire spring and summer has been ivf related stuff. I never thought words like lupron, follistim, sperm counts, estradiol levels, ovarian hyperstim, etc, would be a part of our daily vocab. He feels bad because it's male-factor related and I'm the one going through all of this. And then he got very disappointed over our first cycle being cancelled when we were nearly to the hcg part. He just said today that he feels like we haven't really laughed in a long time, since before ivf was introduced into our life. I don't know what to do. How do you bear this huge issue but not let it interfere too much? How do I include him in the process but not put too much burden on him?
I guess it's good that we have to wait at least a month for my ovaries to shrink before starting a new cycle, because then maybe the hormones will clear from my body and I can be me again. But how do you get through it?

[tuck]

For us, it has always been important to say although we wanted a baby SO MUCH, the baby was a bonus for us. We had each other and since we never knew what would happen on the fertility end we had to be happy trying. It helped me to think that we were going thru everything by our choice. We wanted a child, and were willing to do almost anything to have a family. My Mom recently said to me ( after my 2nd failed ivf trying for another child) "I'm so sorry you're going thru all this". It is heartbreaking at times- but she understood when I said " of course ideally I wouldn't need fertility options, but I am CHOOSING to do this. I could stop at any time but don't want to." By remembering I am free to choose to continue or not, it feels better. I'm not a very religous person, but feel as though if it's meant to be, it will happen. It's out of my hands really....hang in there!

[Dena]

Originally Posted by lberk

For us, it has always been important to say although we wanted a baby SO MUCH, the baby was a bonus for us. We had each other and since we never knew what would happen on the fertility end we had to be happy trying. It helped me to think that we were going thru everything by our choice. We wanted a child, and were willing to do almost anything to have a family. My Mom recently said to me ( after my 2nd failed ivf trying for another child) "I'm so sorry you're going thru all this". It is heartbreaking at times- but she understood when I said " of course ideally I wouldn't need fertility options, but I am CHOOSING to do this. I could stop at any time but don't want to." By remembering I am free to choose to continue or not, it feels better. I'm not a very religous person, but feel as though if it's meant to be, it will happen. It's out of my hands really....hang in there!

Well said, Iberk. That is exactly the attitude I TRY to cultivate - that and focusing on the amazing goal we are striving for gets me through.

I will say, though, it took me a long time to come to terms with our infertility, and this attitude did not happen overnight. Counseling helped, as did on-line support, yoga, funny movies, good friends (we were lucky to have had several with no kids or grown kids), and many many weekends at the beach - nothing like a little escape once in a while. Oh, and I did get a couple of readings with a really good psychic who was postive I would have at LEAST two kids. Sounds crazy maybe, but it helped in the positive thinking department.

Is there something you and dh have been wanting to treat yourselves to doing that you could not do with a new baby? Maybe a weekend away at a special B&B that does not allow kids, or a home improvement project that will give your spirits a lift? On my last IVF cycle, I made a list entitled, "things to do before I get pg" I finished the last one the morning of our embryo transfer, and two weeks later dd was on her way. I think the title of the list helped me stay positive that there WOULD be a happy ending - though letting go a little and being fine with other resolutions to our infertility helped too.

All the best to you. Hoping this next month passes quickly and your baby is on his or her way before you know it.

[kashimama]

Thanks Iberk and Dena for your warm replies.
It's funny because I had thought the IVF cycle cancellation would have increased our anxiety/tension because now we have to continue waiting (it seems like that's all we've done for an entire year now), but I've realized there was definitely some good that came out of it.
I'm back from that crazy hormonally-induced state I was in, and now we'll both be so much more better prepared for the next cycle. And while I'm peeking into the positive side of infertility, I have to honestly that it has brought us closer.
Cross your fingers that we'll be able to start a new cycle sooner than later.
Jessie