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The Postpartum Confessional  

post #1 of 48
8/21/06 at 10:44pm
Thread Starter 
Mamas, I just need a place to share my guilt -- not for reassurance but just to "say" it out loud and therefore to let it go.


Well, I am feeling guilt about a lot of things, mostly about being a super lame mom to my 3 and 5 year olds, but more pressing is the following:

This pregnancy was a bit of a surprise, but we HAD planned to have a 3rd child...albeit tentatively. Lately I have been feeling badly that I got kind of carried away with the whole OOPS theory, it seemed funny at the time to joke about our little 'accident' and all that stuff. Now i look at my little sweet baby and I can't believe I minimized her like that. I mean, this baby was so wanted and she is so loved, I am feeling really crappy for having made her out to seem so unintentional.

Okay, I feel better. Sort of:

Anyone else?
post #2 of 48
8/21/06 at 10:53pm
I don't have a confession to make...yet... but I just wanted to reassure you that the "oops" factor plays a part in so many very loved, very wanted babies. As long as SHE never feels she was an accident, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. In five years, who is going to remember what you may have said in passing in the 9 months leading up to her birth? You probably won't, even! Don't sweat it mama! Just love up on that new baby!
post #3 of 48
8/22/06 at 12:56am
BOTH my babies are OOPS!! Ds a HUGE OOPS, as in i thought we weren't going to be together at first!! This one is very unplanned but still we could have done "more". Most of our friends and our family know these children weren't planned but I never said I didn't love them!! It feels great to know that my family is here, unplanned and perfect!! Although we've never been prepared for them (like we ever could be ) we've had jokes about the "insta daddy" (long story but thats my dh's nickname). Don't be so hard on yourself!!
post #4 of 48
8/22/06 at 1:26am
So many oops babies in the world. Dd2 is an oops - we wanted to have her, just weren't planning on it when it happened! I call her our wonderful surprise baby. I was an oops baby, and I know the story well. I don't feel any less loved because of it - my parents wanted me very badly. I say some of the best things in the world are surprises!
post #5 of 48
8/22/06 at 3:05am
Peace.
post #6 of 48
8/22/06 at 3:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama
So many oops babies in the world. Dd2 is an oops - we wanted to have her, just weren't planning on it when it happened! I call her our wonderful surprise baby. I was an oops baby, and I know the story well. I don't feel any less loved because of it - my parents wanted me very badly. I say some of the best things in the world are surprises!
Same with my little guy. We were planning on conceiving him 6 months later, but he had his own time line. Lucky us!
post #7 of 48
8/22/06 at 8:33am
All 3 Oops babies here!
Don't fret it. These are the best surprises life has to offer! I wonder statistically how much of the human population are oopses?!
post #8 of 48
8/22/06 at 11:22am
My mom had 3 oops babies out of 4. I don't think she loves me any less.

------------

I'll add my own - I've been feeling super guilty about being a lame mom to my 3yr old. AND, to top it all off - I've been trying to be Super Mom and Wife and do everything (entertain 3yr old, care for newborn, dinner, plus all the regular housework) and have absolutely refused any help from all our family members ONLY to land myself into the PPD world. I talked with my dr yesterday and have a plan in place to keep me from spiraling downwards - but boy, it's a feeling of total loss of control... :
post #9 of 48
8/22/06 at 11:52am
ColoradoMama took the words right out of my mouth.
Some of the best things in the world are surprises and everyone loves a good surprise...there is a difference in "unwanted" and "unplanned". You very intentionally kept that baby alive for 9 months and birthed her intentionally. I am sure she knows she is loved and wanted even now!
post #10 of 48
8/22/06 at 11:59am
My only 'oops' is also my only son. His conception was unintentional and horribly inconvenient and I couldn't be more blessed because of it. I had a plan and God knew better.
post #11 of 48
8/22/06 at 4:25pm
DS1 was an oops for us as well-and as soon as we had him, I knew it was right. I so remember sitting on the toilet, stick in hand, in shock at the TWO blue lines staring back at me! DH and I were only 3 months married, and he was immediately thrilled. Now, looking back, I'm so glad that we got our 'oops' when we did-with the birth of Spencer, I am done having babies at 31! Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are head over heels for your little one-and that's what really matters. Enjoy her!
post #12 of 48
8/22/06 at 10:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202
I'll add my own - I've been feeling super guilty about being a lame mom to my 3yr old. AND, to top it all off - I've been trying to be Super Mom and Wife and do everything (entertain 3yr old, care for newborn, dinner, plus all the regular housework) and have absolutely refused any help from all our family members ONLY to land myself into the PPD world. I talked with my dr yesterday and have a plan in place to keep me from spiraling downwards - but boy, it's a feeling of total loss of control... :
You don't have to do everything yourself to be SUPER! Take care of yourself and hang in there!!!
post #13 of 48
8/23/06 at 10:28pm
Our new ds is an oops too. We talked about maybe a 2nd, but we weren't trying at all. I was still on the pill. But like I say, he knew he had to be a part of our family and he just didn't want to wait. I'm glad now that he decided to make us ready for our next kid. I'm not sure I would have gotten there on my own.
post #14 of 48
8/23/06 at 11:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by heide
You don't have to do everything yourself to be SUPER! Take care of yourself and hang in there!!!
Thanks mama!
post #15 of 48
9/8/06 at 3:40pm

This must be the baby blues... ugh.

I alternately feel so elated and unexplainedly sad that it's making me nuts. Is everyone else a hormonal freak, too? It's like bad PMS combined with having the flu in winter. I love and like my baby so much, but I definitely feel emotionally overwhelmed and trapped. DH doesn't seem to help, and my mom seems condescending, and everyone who visits seems awkward. This sucks! I want the mania of the first 3 days post-partum, when I was just so filled with joy that nothing else matters. When will this funk go away?
post #16 of 48
9/8/06 at 3:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiedee
When will this funk go away?
I wish I could tell you. I was thinking about coming here to post about ppd. I am really nervous about it this time. I have had mild ppd with each of my previous 3 kiddos. It hits about four months and goes away around nine months. The first time I didn't realize what was going on, and so it was more of a problem. The next two times, I was prepared. I was super careful with my diet, exercised regularly, meditated, etc. and it didn't overwhelm me. I was able to keep it in check. I'm worried about it this time because I am just so down on my relationship with dh this time. Before I at least had some hope that we could get to a happy place - this time, I already feel like trying is a waste of time. Not a good starting place. I'm worried that starting from here is going to make it that much harder to stay above water, yk? Oh well. I guess I'll just have to be extra diligent - and perhaps marriage counseling.
post #17 of 48
9/8/06 at 7:00pm
C was an oops, E was planned but everyone thinks she was an oops, A&D were oops. I'm not worried about it. I was an oops and so was my sister. I think very few babies are actually planned
post #18 of 48
9/8/06 at 10:17pm
I'm just not doing well. I feel guilty for saying it but this baby was an oops and if given a choice I wouldn't want all my kids so close again. Give me a couple of months and I'm sure I won't feel the same way but right now I am so sad and overwhelmed. And this sucks because this is probably the last time I have a newborn.
post #19 of 48
9/8/06 at 11:05pm
I am also pretty overwhelmed about having a newborn. I won't be having any more children, and my DF and I broke up right before DD#2 was born, so instead of really enjoying the newborn period I'm just freaking out about what I'm going to do now.

The newborn time is so challenging. Not only because a new baby takes an insane amount of your energy (physically and emotionally!) but your hormones are crazy, and likely your partner (or lack thereof!) is also going through some stress over the whole situation, as well.

I just really wish things were like the old days, when families all banded together and really helped out families with small children. None of us should be home alone trying to raise babies with all of the pressure of being a new mama!

Okay, many hugs, mamas. It WILL get better. I swear it does. When DD#1 was born I just thought, my goodness, this SUCKS! But now she's two and I don't even know where that time went. Before we know it our babies will be all growed up
post #20 of 48
9/9/06 at 12:54pm
So glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like a freakin' mess! (see my thread "tough first 3 weeks)

Not that I'm happy that everything's not perfect for y'all, but you know what I mean...
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