Well, I honestly think that we do very little for him. He has always been independent, he picks out his own clothes and dresses himself, fixes his own lunch when he wants to, helps with chores, etc... I try very hard to not order him around. The tantrums seem to be more random, he flys off the handle about something that I would expect him to be able to handle at this age.
For example: It was bath time tonight. He was finishing his dinner while coloring and didn't come in when asked, so our daughter got in the bath and I put the toys in. A few minutes later he came in, saw the toys in the tub and started screaming and yelling. My husband put him in the next room and told him he could come out when he was done screaming and they could talk about it. My son threw open the door of the room and took a swing at my husband, who sent son upstairs until calm. He did calm down after about 5 minutes and came down, took a bath, no problem.
I guess I just expect him to be able to say "Dad, I wanted to put the toys in" and to accept the explaination that he could have if he had come to take a bath when first asked. A year ago, this would have been much smoother