what parenting-related mistake do you regret the most?

[loving-my-babies]

I thought it would be nice for all of us to open up and not only discuss the GOOD things we do, but the bad things as well. I think it's liberating to be able to talk about it. I know I'm hard on myself as a parent, and it's taken some time to forgive some of the things I have done wrong as a mom (the ones that I have realized, lol, since I'm sure when my kids are grown up they'll find many more mistakes on my part) but anyway, what are the parenting-related mistakes you regret the most?

[loving-my-babies]

ok, I'll start. I regret:

1) letting dh and MIL make the decision of having my dd's ears pierced at 4 days old in the hospital, by the midwife (common in Chile, what in the WORLD was I thinking??????)

2) Giving up breastfeeding too soon with #1. I'm still breastfeeding #2, who is 2 1/2 so it's so wonderful that I feel I broke the myth that I coudn't do it. I feel so proud of myself now

[JustJamie]

I didn't want DD to have a pacifier, since I would be breastfeeding; I didn't want to deal with nipple confusion.

When DD was 4 days old, I was still in the hospital, bedbound, on a magnesium sulfate drip. One of the nurses gave DD a pacifier, against my will.

Sure enough, we suffered through 8 weeks of latching issues, and if I hadn't been so determined, I would have quit. I very nearly gave up at just 2 weeks pp.

I should have had a backbone, and stopped the nurse from giving DD a paci - or at least taken it away from her once we were released from the hospital. Now she's a year old, and incredibly attached to that effing piece of plastic.

[hipumpkins]

My DD had a tiny bit of formula right after birth b/c I was throwing up and didn't kow I could stand up to the doctors. (My son has never even seen formula )
Thanksgiving right after DD was born we were at ILs nd DD was was crying in her carrier..the only place I could set her down I went to get her and MIL said, "It's good for her lungs" I let her cry for about a miniute longer but I felt horrible and finally picked her up. I was being to "polite" to pick her up instead of being myself...I regret that moment so badly.

I think I have more regrets with my DD b/c with son I am armed with more info and I am a stronger mom. Now I know at least what I am trying to do. YKWIM?

[Mama Poot]

I regret ever giving DS#1 pureed baby food. He's a year old now and we're FINALLY getting over some major texture problems. My mom kept harassing me about feeding him cereal and said "Oh you should give him cereal it has vitamins and things he needs:. Of course I preached about how those "extras" in cereal arent bioavailable and I would much prefer my son to eat fresh foods. I'm happy to say we did not give him cereal until he was 7-8 months old But yeah.... no more jarred baby food.

The big mistake was weaning him at 6 months. I was too overwhelmed and depressed to seek help or information about the dynamics of breastfeeding during pregnancy, and no one told me that I should keep nursing even though my milk was gone. But I had the baby and now we're making up for lost time. I try to pump as much as possible for ds#1, and I'm proud of that

[Ellien C]

I night-weaned on the early side. I was working outside the home and didn't understand about reverse-cycling. I was totally exhausted and all of the other moms I knew had babes who slept through the night. We didn't co-sleep until she was 18 months, mostly because I couldn't get comfortable with it.

I was hyperalert in my sleep. I think reaching out for advice via this board would have helped.

I didn't do a lot of circ research but knew I didn't want to circ. But DH did. Luckily we had a girl but next time around I will work much harder to educate DH.

I gave formula at 9 months due to a business trip and no more stored pumped milk. I don't regret that at all. It was the best decision I could have made and greatly relieved my stress about the trip.

[Clarinet]

I was told when my first daughter was nursing a lot less frequently at 10 months old that she was weaning herself so I gave her bottles to supplement until she gave me up entirely a couple weeks later. I also vaxed her without hesitation or informing myself of any kind of risks other than those on the single sheet of paper given to us by the doctor. I resisted my desire to hold her all the time and sleep with her because "you just don't do that to a baby...it spoils them."

[chinaKat]

Honestly, I don't really regret too much.

Sure, there are some small, day to day things that I would like a do-over on, given my druthers... but nothing that I sit around beating myself up over. Life is a learning experience, ykwim? If I make a mistake one day, I can just try harder the next.

I guess one thing I might have done differently is the timing of introducing a bottle. I think we waited way too long (I was worried about nipple confusion) and DD was SO uninterested in it by the time we tried it out. It was always a really difficult experience -- both for DH and for DD -- for DD to drink expressed breast milk. In return, that made it harder for me to feel comfortable leaving her for more than an hour or so, which was occasionally something I needed to do when she was little.

But... we all got through it!

[mommy2abigail]

I really regret trying to do everything myself. We had a very traumatic birth and transfer to hospital, and then dd had to stay there for a week. After that, I felt like I should always hold her, meaning NO ONE else could. I was the only one to feed (obviously) change, bathe, play with and hold her. I wish I would have let myself realx a little more about her sleeping, and accept the fact that she was just not a good sleeper, Instead of trying to fight it. I wish I had never read babywise.:

[earthmama369]

I don't regret much because I learn from my mistakes. If I didn't, I would regret them more.

There have been some doozies, though. I was wicked tired last week and took the kids to the grocery store for a couple things. I still don't know how it happened, but I FORGOT to buckle Qualia into her carseat. Bless her heart, she piped up before we got more than a block down the road and told me to buckle her in. I very nearly had a heart attack when I looked back and realized what I'd done (or more to the point, not done). I felt like the worst parent in the world. But I've been extra vigilant about our safety since it happened, knowing that I'm tired and likely to be absent-minded, so that mistake is serving a good purpose.

[bri276]

one thing I just can't forgive myself for.

when DD had cleft palate surgery last year, a CNA accidentally knocked her IV out. She wasn't eating well yet at all, so we were worried about her getting dehydrated.

They tried FIVE times to get it back in and couldn't. They swaddled her up except for her feet because that's where the only veins they could find were. And then held her down. She was so sick, and so tired, but summoned all the strength left in her weak little body and fought as hard as she could, kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs. I asked the dr if she could just be allowed to sit up and watch, because she has had blood drawn and IVs in and not cried because she could see what was going on and was calm. He said simply, "No."

I should have said, then forget it, picked her up and walked out. They never did get the IV back in. We ended up being discharged with a moderately dehydrated infant (2-3 barely damp diapers per day) and just force feeding her breastmilk in a syringe, turns out she had a sore throat virus because DH developed it soon after.

I just can't forgive myself for not INSISTING I be able to hold her and them not strap her down like that. all for nothing. She has another surgery in Oct and if something like that happens again I will know better and wait to find a dr who agrees to let me hold her.

[MamaRabbit]

1st baby: CIO, schedule feed, babywise, weaned her earlier than I should have, stuffed all kinds of gross cereals in her starting at 7mo

2nd baby: none of the above

Those poor firstborns... they're the guinea pigs.

[Robin926]

Originally Posted by Kannon99

Those poor firstborns... they're the guinea pigs.

DH refers to firstborns as the "first pancake." You know, because you always mess up the first one somehow: burned, deformed, stuck to the pan

[green betty]

All my major regrets have to do with the medical system. I regret moving to a province with few birthing options and no coverage for midwives. I regret not ponying up the money and having a home birth anyway. I regret listening to anything the doctors said. I regret complying with their commands to place my baby in an incubator for 4 days when he had severe jaundice. I regret letting the ped touch ds's penis.

We haven't been to a doc in over a year and won't go unless it's a true emergency. I have no faith in the system to respect our rights, listen to our opinions, or to treat ds like an actual human being. No well baby visits for us!

[LolaK]

I think I regret little stuff more, like loosing my temper with my daughter or even the dog. I know I have to forgive myself because I am permanently sleep deprived (nursing every 1-2 hours all night since she was 5 months old) but it still sucks to loose control. It is hard to be patient 24/7 when you are also exhausted 24/7 but I am getting better and better at it.

I regret some sleep stuff when she was younger which I may never get over. :

I really try to concentrate on the great days. Today she was all smiles and kissing and hugging me all day, making her sign for thank you and being generally perfect. It makes it so easy to be a good parent when she is like that and it becomes a wonderful cycle.

[OakBerry]

I regret circumcising my boy.
And the fact that he only nursed for 11 months. My fault for introducing the bottle and pacifier at 3 months.
I regret that I was emotionally absent for a few months, due to life altering health issues. And a touch of PPD that I couldn't help myself out of...

Amazingly, depsite me,lol, I think he's a pretty awesome kid at age 4.

[lurable]

Originally Posted by green betty

I regret moving to a province with few birthing options and no coverage for midwives. I regret not ponying up the money and having a home birth anyway. !

I hear ya!
I also regret weaning dd at 13 mos because I was also told that she was trying to self-wean (now I know she was teething) I also regret putting her in sposies for the first few months: and not knowing more about vaxing. Now I know more about a lot of things....with knowledge comes guilt....but also hope that you can now make better, more informed choices!

[Roar]

I don't regret a lot, but I am much more aware now of the need to take care of myself and not put my needs to the bottom of the pile all of the time. It is easy to put yourself last but it really isn't good for anyone.

[sparklefairy]

It's a long list, but most of it hinges on staying with their dad for as long as I did.

[thefragile7393]

First and foremost, circing my son. That will be my regret until the day I die.

2nd, vaxing my son.

3rd, not being patient enough with him when he was younger, letting him cry too long (I still struggle with this).

4th, not taking up babywearing sooner

5th, not getting an Amby or a king-size bed....instead we have a useless crib.