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How do you KEEP YOUR COOL when all you wanna do is scream? - Page 3

post #41 of 89
Wow it's nice to see so many new members come out on this thread! I want to know if everyone has a mantra, and if so what is it? I haven't found mine yet, just breathe, breathe, it's okay, it's okay, don't kick the wall, don't kick the wall... I really need a substitute for that apt f-word though.
post #42 of 89
Thread Starter 
bellasmum-you EXACTLY read my mind!!!! I've been wanting to post a new thread asking all moms if they had a mantra and if so, what it is. You know, just something that they can rely on or find themselves saying to themselves to take control of a situation and remain calm. I have a few, but lately I've been repeating the word COMPASSION when I find myself bubbling up with craziness or anger. I'm not sure where it came from, but I think it works for me on two levels. One-it helps me have compassion for myself. Two-of course, it helps me have compassion and patience for myself. Maybe you (or me) should start a new thread? BTW, the F word is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITES.

Speaking of coping mechanisms, I've found since having a child that DH can remain much calmer than I can and it is b/c he has a FILTER (he's also a man, I know...). He can block some stuff out-you know, ignore things a bit. When DS is freaking out, I can just let it consume me and DH is usually okay. We joke that he has the ability to go to his "happy place". But all joking aside, I've found that when I can remind myself to say nothing, or just try to ignore the screaming/tantrum/chaos of a toddler, things work out much better.

Whippetcrazy-I think your honesty is refreshing. And you have to have SOME sense of humor about what you deem your own craziness as a mom, right? Part of my problem is that I keep reinforcing the whole prefect-mom thing-never anger, bitter, etc.

zeldah-ahhhh, the merits of coffee!!! I never drank any while preggers or up until DS was about 9 mos (I am still nursing). But I have one cup in the morning (sometimes TWO) and I SOOOO look forward to it.

LizTitone-your post is exactly what I'm after-how do you remain a mom and still be true to your emotions. And get angry and upset and p'od when you want to? I would appreciate any and all wisdom from more experienced moms.

I've said this before, but why can't you all just live in my neighborhood? Huh? Huh?
post #43 of 89
Thread Starter 
Just had to point out a Freudian slip that's in my reply above. I said that compassion works for two reasons-for me & for ME!! Obviously, I meant to say DS. But I think it's making me realize that I need double the dose!
post #44 of 89
What is it about that F word? If i let mysef it would probably pop out every other sentence.

I'm very interested as to what a mantra is?
post #45 of 89
Oh I am SO there with you all! Maybe it is the weather? Or the moon? Uhg.

My husband put one of those child proof door things [to only coordinated adults can open door] on the bedroom door!! Now we take turns locking ourselves in the bedroom when we need it. And if we turn the radio on loud enough you cant hear WHAT comes out of our mouths!! Thank goodness!

Oh. My Mantra these days is I "talk" to my hand [thumb and fingers mouthing etc] and sing-say "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" etc. I especially do this [sorry, sorry, sorry] in stores when Taylor is getting testy. I startin saying "well blah blah! blah blah blah blah? blah blah." and now even Taylor does it?!? :
post #46 of 89
I tll myself, at 8 PM they will be in bed, and I will be on the couch all by myself
It works
post #47 of 89
so, when i wrote last we were smack dab in the middle of getting an ear infection. a night later, i found myself practicing what i had written down. " i don't hate her and she doesn't hate me. poor thing-she must be so sad. (eeerrrrr!!! mommy is sad too, darnit, just go to sleep!!!) **snuggle, snuggle** there you go. time to go back to sleep. (ekkk! if mommy doesn't get some darn sleep soon...) and a few short hours later, again. and this time, i tried what my loving partner does so often (although he says he doesn't)- i ignored her whimpers. then i reached over and said, "okay this time i'm serious. it's your turn," and rolled over and went back to sleep. and (miraculously!) it worked. i didn't get up. she went back to sleep. **ahhh**

levar- your post just made me start laughing and laughing. all i could picture was me, in the grocery store where everyone knows me, me talking to my hand, and everyone shaking their head, sadly "Poor thing. she must be so tired!". ha!

is this what us mommies are reduced to???

in a world that makes moms feel so bad about feeling anything other than **ahh, baby bliss**, it's so refreshing to be honest.
thank you!

(oh yea...i've taken to locking my self in the bathroom- and i often hear from downstairs "honey?? are you okay up there??" "Yea. i reply. I'm not feeling all that great" (i say, as i flip the pages of my newest book..)
post #48 of 89
oh yea...i've taken to locking my self in the bathroom- and i often hear from downstairs "honey?? are you okay up there??" "Yea. i reply. I'm not feeling all that great" (i say, as i flip the pages of my newest book..)

Reading that made me smile! The other day I retreated to the bathroom to go to the bathroom, but shut the door, I usually leave it open...but dh was home and I needed a few minutes to regroup....
Well it was so peaceful I decided to have a bath and read and shave my legs and relax! Lol....Every now and then I'd get a little tap on the door with a very soft "mommy" and then I'd say I"ll be out soon....and I'd hear her run down the hall (our house is all one floor) and tell Daddy mommy soon! It was tooo cute and well needed....
And I love those hugs like I've been gone forever that dd gives me when I return to sight .....

I like the blah, blah, blah mantra....I could use that for me when I start going on .....

That f word is one that I'm trying not too use too much either....I never really did, but dh and his whole family do...not in a "bad" way, but they've always swore, even when growing up...T but I remember one time going to inlaws for the first time and dh telling his mom that something tasted like Shit....I nearly died....but she didn't care, she agreed ....in my family we weren't allowed to curse....sometimes a good shout of the word sure makes me feel better though : ...

post #49 of 89
Originally posted by RileysMom
It also really keeps me motivated to keep our marriage in tip top shape. I don't let things build up, but resolve them right away. I think that's a really good thing for me, as I tend to "stuff" issues.... [/B]
This is so true for me and I'm finally just realizing it. I'm a roaring grump if dh and I have not resolved something.

We argue in front of dd and like many of you have said, we keep it fair. Dd really reminds me I'm modelling for her and helps (most of the time) keep me from resorting to the BS I observed/learned as a child. I find if I get into a victim space with dh, I feel like a victim with dd. I remember (on good days) no one is doing anything to me and it helps me find my balance.

BTW - I thought I'd quit swearing when dd arrived, but I let it all out when I get frustrated and that can include swearing. I suppose I'll have to come to some peace/guidlines for "proper" swearing for dd.
post #50 of 89
I'm visualizing this nationwide network of mothers of small children, with a Mason-like secret symbol... the blahblahblah hand gesture.

Would you like to be a MOSC? Ask me how!
post #51 of 89
Thread Starter 
LaLaLuna-I will only go in for the Mason symbol if we get to wear cool hats like the Shriners. And drive little cars.

Can you tell I'm exhausted??
post #52 of 89
Originally posted by Bearsmama
LaLaLuna-I will only go in for the Mason symbol if we get to wear cool hats like the Shriners. And drive little cars.

I've got a Little Tykes car out in the backyard you can drive any time.
post #53 of 89
Hey Ladies I have a Little Tikes car too.(although I'll have to get permission from my 18 mos old son to borrow the keys).........Can I be an MOSC? I'm sure I can find a cool hat somewhere in the dress up draw. I've been practising the blah blah blah hand gesture all day with my four year old. I'm getting really good at it.

post #54 of 89
I have never in my 33 years felt like my life had nearly the meaning it does now that my 13 month old boy is in my life. I'm so grateful. Just a glance at that adorable little man and my whole soul smiles...really, really smiles!!

Nonetheless, at the end of the day, when he hasn't had a nap, has thrown my freshly folded clothes on the floor for the 2nd time (who knew he could reach that high now?), and decides to entangle his tiny precious hands in my hair (oooowwwww!) as I bend over to pick it up AGAIN....All I can think of is how to manuver my foot around to KICK HIM OFF OF ME!!

Of course I don't actually do it, but it's my brains first solution!! Us women get so wrapped up in being the best darn mommy on the planet we tend to forget we're human first and formost!!

I love my little guy more than words will EVER be able to describe. I truly enjoy being with him, and tend to miss him if my DH gives me a break longer than 30 minutes, but there are times when I think if he doesn't fall asleep in less than 30 seconds....I'm going to start screaming and may never be able to stop!!

Being a Mommy is the hardest job on earth (and the most fabulously rewarding!!) Thank Heaven for places like these to share our hardships with others like us. Even my DH looks at me like I'm the anti-christ when my "kick him off of me" face appears. You have to be with the little boogers in the full-out, no breaks way on a regular basis to truly get how you can get that frustrated about the most precious gift God ever bestowed on any human!

It feels good to really know we're not alone, huh?

Thanks for listening!!
post #55 of 89
I am going to remember this thread for the times when I AM LOSING IT! Thankfully, right now, all is well in our world (relatively speaking). So, I was trying to think of what I do that does work when my toddler twins are driving me bonkers...

Sometimes, they're just hungry (and haven't learned to tell me).

Sometimes, I start yelling and then in the middle of it my brain is saying "Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet" Then, I am either (1)able to abruptly switch to quiet voice or (2)still yelling, say that I have lost my temper and will try to stop yelling as soon as possible! Then, of course, it's the standard, "Wow, that wasn't a really good choice I made, was it? What would a better choice have been?...That's right, using a quiet voice and getting some space. I love you guys a lot, but it's awfully hard when you're ...."

Sometimes, I have the presence of mind to realize that what they really need is my attention...ALL of it. So I get them to sit in my lap with my arms around them, which is our way of calming down, centering, and getting ready to try again.

Sometimes, I say, "You have a lot of energy, don't you? Let's clean up everything and bounce balls, or jump and spin, or..."

Sometimes, I actually let curse words fly out of my mouth and do all kinds of things that are inappropriate...and then take a deep breath, realize that it didn't help at all, and that I've created a situation that I need to apologize for (again!), and try to use it as a learning experience to help dd and ds learn how to handle their anger and regroup. I do NOT want them to grow up thinking that they have to be perfect in order to measure up. I DO want them to have the skills and motivation to make good choices.

My biggest motivation currently for keeping the cussing to a rarely heard, can't help it, explosive instance is that EVERYTHING comes back, and I'd rather hear my two year olds say "Oh my GOODness" with great conviction and emotion, than anything that would make me cringe.

Sometimes, I pull out one of our few videos and gain some precious minutes for myself.

And sometimes, none of it works and I wonder how I will survive the day. But I always do. It's great to know that I'm in good company.

one last note...from a friend w/ a 4yo, get them dressed the night before...that way, they wake up in clean, albeit wrinkled clothes. Or let them wear their jammies, or nothing, or whatever is minimally acceptable for safety!
post #56 of 89
Ok mamas - it looks like we need a froum for the frazzled mom- somewhere where the mom who is just about to pop her top can come for some

Whaddaya think?

BTW - what is it with 4 year olds? My dd has become another speices!!

post #57 of 89
get them dressed the night before...that way, they wake up in clean, albeit wrinkled clothes. Or let them wear their jammies, or nothing, or whatever is minimally acceptable for safety!
I do that all the time. My boys think that sweatpants are pajamas.

BTW - what is it with 4 year olds? My dd has become another speices!!
No kidding! I was wondering that same thing. We just had one of "those" mornings and all I can say is "thank goodness for NAP TIME!!!!!"
post #58 of 89
You know I am so glad others are having challenges with their four year olds. I really thought I was the only one. I am going to try and rewrite/update our morning list. That way I can calmly ask her to check her list when she starts wandering or asking me "what did you say to do?" I am also going to let her start doing her own hair. I am beyond caring what it looks like as long as it is not a rats nest. Can't wait to see what happens with the five year old................

post #59 of 89
Originally posted by mojomom
You know it is nice to feel you have a safe place to come and air these things out and not worry about being judged
I am sitting here in tears - I am not anywhere near reading through the posts on this and am just overwhelmed. I truly thought I was the only one - the only mom who just feels like she might loose it sometimes. The only mom who could both love and very much dislike her child at the same time.

Luckly for me, our DD (18.5 mos) is generally a very easy baby. But the past few days have been hard. She's just trying my patience, I am exhausted, and DH is out of town. Sometimes I want her to just go away and leave me alone for awhile and that makes me feel like the worst mother on the face of the Earth. Sometimes I just come in here and sit at the computer and "shoo" her away (try to get her interested in anything other than me - lol...I will even put in The Wiggles DVD and park her in front of it sometimes...and feel badly about that). Plus I am lonely for adult conversation. Two hours once a week at play-group isn't cutting it.

Anyhow, it's wonderful to know that I am not a bad mother and that I won't be judged for saying that sometimes I get pretty frustrated around DD. Having a forum like this helps so much, and I am already learning so much from everyone. Thank you to whoever it was that started this thread
post #60 of 89
jbcjmom- WOW!! Your 4yo takes NAPS? DD stopped napping at 2 1/2!

I'm not sure what it is but my dd changed so much after she turned 4. I thought that she was still adjusting to the baby, but she has become a very headstrong firey little bugger! She constantly engages me in power struggles, and all I want to do is read a sentence in a magazine article!!

We have a chart on the fridge for the "biggies" - things she is expected to do every day and if she does them without me having to ask more than say 2-3 times ( I like to think of it as more like reminders) then she gets a star for that task that day. But no- she wants flowers, not stars. Okay!! So we're going with flowers now, and sad faces if she doesn't do what she is supposed to be doing. Some of the examples are getting dressed, brushing teeth, quiet at bedtime.

I have to say it's totally EXAUSTING keeping up with her, with her whims! With the chart!! Things used to be so easy, she never even went through the "terrible two's". She's always been ray of sunshine!! But now- - and I have the baby to contend with as well. I have never been a yelling mama but lately she's just pushing ALL my buttons. Of course she does a lot of this kind of behavior in front of my parents or in-laws and makes me look like some kind of negligent mom - as if they all don't think i'm weird enough (AP- you know?) I get the " I didn't let you get away with that behavior when you were young" from my mom and I have to make excuses or ignore it or grit my teeth!!

Lord help me - what's this kid going to be like at 13!! I sure hope this is just a normal thing she's going through now - seeing how far she can push me. Glad to hear from other mamas that the fours are tough all around.

And boy, I sure need a visit from the patience fairy. Isn't her name Valium??
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