I need a LLL group for my pre teen!

[Debstmomy]

Meaning, I need a mommy support group on raising my dd. She is now 12. She is vibrant & independent, passionate, compassionate, maternal thanks to the support I recieved when she was younger from LLL. I recieve many complimennts on my DD, she is great.

Now, that she is 12 she all those positive things & more. My hardest hurdle is the A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E!!!! OMGoondess, I am gonna crack. There are times when she gets this tone, in her language. It is not what she is saying, but how she is saying it. GRRRR!!!!! I have invaded her personal space, faced her & looked at her in the eye & demand that she stop being so darn disrespectful. Did it work? Nope...just like spanking does not work. Did it make her upset? Yep...but it has not resolved.

Today a doc was saying we need to be our childrens frontal lobes, as theirs is not developed. The frontal lobe controls logic, reasoning, impulse control. I know my DD does not have these things....but darn....I am trying & it is does not seem to be working.

Is there any help? Is this just the new her??? I need some support.

[*caitlinsmom*]

Oh boy oh boy. We are having the same issues with DSS, he will be 12 in December. Part of it is just the age, I suppose. His behavior goes something like this... 1/3 of the time, hide in room or play video games or engage in some other loner activity. 1/3 of the time, be just fine, delightful... his normal sweet self. 1/3 of the time, teen attitude from h*ll! I remember what I was like as a pre teen and teen and while I think the poor parenting I received was partly responsible (smothering, controlling, negative parents) some of it is just part of the process of growing up, I think... testing the boundries of authority, trying to see what you can get away with, chafing under the "burden" of everyone telling you what to do, etc.
What seems to help with us is to talk to DSS (when he's in that delightful, good mood, but edging into attitude) about what kind of person we want him to be, and that our job is to guide him (not mold him) into being the best person he can be. We try to get him to understand that when we comment on his attitude, it's not an invitation to sass back, but rather it's to remind him that he would not like to be spoken to that way by anyone, so he should not engage in that behavior either. He voices understanding (sometimes) so maybe, after repeating this a couple thousand times, it may work.
I know it's hard to get that from your DC! I feel for you!

[papercranegirl]

Today a doc was saying we need to be our childrens frontal lobes, as theirs is not developed. The frontal lobe controls logic, reasoning, impulse control. I know my DD does not have these things....but darn....I am trying & it is does not seem to be working

.

oh man this is the story of my life! DD starts to do something, I nicely ask her to pause and think for a moment what the outcome of that might be,.....blank stare, eye roll, more staring.... it's enough to drive me insane. I don't want to come right out and tell her she's making a bad move. I'd rather she learn to think things through but obviously something is broken here.

[aisraeltax]

Originally Posted by papercranegirl

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oh man this is the story of my life! DD starts to do something, I nicely ask her to pause and think for a moment what the outcome of that might be,.....blank stare, eye roll, more staring.... it's enough to drive me insane. I don't want to come right out and tell her she's making a bad move. I'd rather she learn to think things through but obviously something is broken here.

this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ME!!!!

[kennedy444]

I think you (and your dd) are just in the begnning of a new and long journey. My dd and I are on it too as are mothers and fathers everywhere. In recent weeks I've learned to pick my battles. I often remind her that her tone or what she has said, etc. is disrespectful and not acceptable. Almost everytime after an encounter she will come up to me at a later time (minutes or hours later) and apologize. I accept, hug her, tell her how much I love her and we move on. I'm also more aware about apologizing to her when I need too.

At this time in our lives I think back to how awful I was to my mother - storming out of the house to school, yelling, etc.

I know it isn't easy but it is part of dd growing up, hormones, independence, etc. Keep giving lots of hugs and smiles and this too shall pass.