Not entirely sure where to post this, hoping I'm posting in the right spot.
(maybe I'll XP this to special needs parenting?)
Okay a little background. My son, Alex, is 11 yrs old and has been friends with this boy, I'll call him T, for several years. T has Asberger's Syndrome and although I know some about it (from talking to his mother, doing some research), I honestly do not know exactly how to handle it all the time. Alex befriended T when they were about 7 or 8 because no one else would play with T because of his emotional and sometimes physical outbursts. I was/am very proud of Alex because of this. Over the past year or so they've grown apart though. The teachers at their school have felt it necessary for both boys to put a little distance between them and both myself and T's mother have agreed with this. T was seriously attached to Alex and was making it difficult for Alex to keep up with his own schoolwork, T is VERY needy. They are still friends but Alex has also made other friends and doesn't feel as close to T anymore, therefore doesn't have as much patience with him as he once did.
I'm a SAHM who also babysits other children. My children also have several friends who come in and out during the day and I always make the rules very clear to them if they don't already know them. My rules are very simple, basic; respect one another, don't curse, etc etc etc.
T has only been to my house a handful of times, a few overnight visits, a few playdates, etc. He is not very nice to the other children when he is here and I have to remind him constantly that he needs to remember to be respectful of my rules. He uses language that I do not approve of (calling the other children names, talking about killing all the time). His father is usually the one who drops him off/picks him up and I've mentioned to him several times that I've had a problem with T. He says "well you know he has a hard time in certain settings, sometimes he doesn't know how to act". So frustrating. It's true, if you know anything about AS, it is hard for him to act appropriately in certain circumstances.
He's here now and I'm about at my wit's end. His dad dropped him off, asked if he could stay and play for a couple hours, that he had some errands to run. Alex wanted him to stay so I said no prob. I have no way to contact either parent, however, and I'm really having a hard time. He has talked back to me numerous times when I've very gently corrected his choice of words (telling one of the boys that he was going to rip his tongue out of his mouth if he talked to him again
: , calling my dd a "fat brat" and various other things that I do NOT allow in my house).
What do I do?! I've seen him flip out before when he's been confronted with correction before--like physically flip out--and I cannot deal with that. I am 8 mos pregnant and he's almost as big as me anyway, there'd be no way I could or should try to restrain him. I'm choosing my words very carefully but am finding myself growing more and more agitated.
I will be speaking to whichever parent picks him up. Do I not let him come over again though? Is it fair for me to expect him to follow my rules when he clearly has a very little understanding for them (due to his disability). Am I being unfair to him?
I hope someone is able to give me some advice, I realize this is very long and I probably didn't make much sense, lol, but I'm trying to write this and monitor 8 children at the same time.:
(maybe I'll XP this to special needs parenting?)
Okay a little background. My son, Alex, is 11 yrs old and has been friends with this boy, I'll call him T, for several years. T has Asberger's Syndrome and although I know some about it (from talking to his mother, doing some research), I honestly do not know exactly how to handle it all the time. Alex befriended T when they were about 7 or 8 because no one else would play with T because of his emotional and sometimes physical outbursts. I was/am very proud of Alex because of this. Over the past year or so they've grown apart though. The teachers at their school have felt it necessary for both boys to put a little distance between them and both myself and T's mother have agreed with this. T was seriously attached to Alex and was making it difficult for Alex to keep up with his own schoolwork, T is VERY needy. They are still friends but Alex has also made other friends and doesn't feel as close to T anymore, therefore doesn't have as much patience with him as he once did.
I'm a SAHM who also babysits other children. My children also have several friends who come in and out during the day and I always make the rules very clear to them if they don't already know them. My rules are very simple, basic; respect one another, don't curse, etc etc etc.
T has only been to my house a handful of times, a few overnight visits, a few playdates, etc. He is not very nice to the other children when he is here and I have to remind him constantly that he needs to remember to be respectful of my rules. He uses language that I do not approve of (calling the other children names, talking about killing all the time). His father is usually the one who drops him off/picks him up and I've mentioned to him several times that I've had a problem with T. He says "well you know he has a hard time in certain settings, sometimes he doesn't know how to act". So frustrating. It's true, if you know anything about AS, it is hard for him to act appropriately in certain circumstances.
He's here now and I'm about at my wit's end. His dad dropped him off, asked if he could stay and play for a couple hours, that he had some errands to run. Alex wanted him to stay so I said no prob. I have no way to contact either parent, however, and I'm really having a hard time. He has talked back to me numerous times when I've very gently corrected his choice of words (telling one of the boys that he was going to rip his tongue out of his mouth if he talked to him again
: , calling my dd a "fat brat" and various other things that I do NOT allow in my house).What do I do?! I've seen him flip out before when he's been confronted with correction before--like physically flip out--and I cannot deal with that. I am 8 mos pregnant and he's almost as big as me anyway, there'd be no way I could or should try to restrain him. I'm choosing my words very carefully but am finding myself growing more and more agitated.
I will be speaking to whichever parent picks him up. Do I not let him come over again though? Is it fair for me to expect him to follow my rules when he clearly has a very little understanding for them (due to his disability). Am I being unfair to him?
I hope someone is able to give me some advice, I realize this is very long and I probably didn't make much sense, lol, but I'm trying to write this and monitor 8 children at the same time.
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