Talk w/ me about transitioning from 1 to 2 kids please

[Lilcrunchie]

I know I'm not the first or last mama to go through this, but at 25 weeks pg, I'm starting to get...well...more than a little nervous at how I'll manage two kiddos. My DS is 2.5, and will be almost 3 when the baby arrives. He's a delightful little guy, but still on the higher needs end of things in terms of needing body contact, wanting to be held/carried, he still cosleeps (I'm fine w/ this continuing, we just upgraded to a king), still nursing (again, fine w/ this), etc.

I originally thought we'd have more like 4 year spacing as we had major IF issues with conceiving DS (he's an injectables baby). This time around, we got somewhat of a surprise (I went back on metformin, a drug for PCOS, to see if it would just regulate my cycles, and never got even a "warning cycle" LOL). We're thrilled to have #2 on the way, but some days I feel like DS takes all of my energy and efforts, kwim? He's not a particularly "difficult" kid, but he just constantly has wants/needs/questions, etc., like a typical 2.5 year old I guess.

I still lay down w/ him for naps. He's at the point where he *may* drop his afternoon nap soon, which may or may not be a good thing w/ baby comes along.

So many people urge me to make changes now, but I also feel like he should enjoy being the baby while he can. I'm hoping we'll be tandem nursing (as of now, I'm hoping LOL), and hoping that will ease the transition a bit.

I feel like I'm finally at the point where I can keep up with housework better, get more organized, etc. and then when #2 hits, I know it will be total chaos for months at the very least.

SO tell me...how did you handle the transition from one to two kids? As an AP mama, I find it intimidating. I wish I didn't. I really enjoy my relationship w/ my DS, but already am very nervous about how thinly I'll be stretched between two kids. I know both will cry more than DS ever did most likely, and #2 may end up in the swing or the PNP, whereas DS barely ever set foot in those things. I'll plan on slinging the baby as I did DS, and hope that gives me time to play with DS.

I feel so inept. 3 years is a sizable difference...I'm not sure how anyone handles them closer : I'm feeling anxious and a bit panicked, if you can't tell I know we'll find our rhythm in time, but for now, it seems so so intimidating to me.

We've talked about what babies can/can't do, what they need, what we can do to comfort a crying baby, and I've shown him some pics of his birth, etc.

Just throw out your ramblings about the transition if you will...but don't scare me too much, please

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

Well my ds was 4.5 when dd was born so he had already transitioned out of most "baby" things. He was sleeping in his own bed, he no longer took naps, he had stopped nursing he had been out of diapers for well over a year and so on. He was still high needs in many other ways and we were having more and more "out of the house" activities as he started pre school, took swimming lessons, joined soccer tots and so on. It might be obvious on MDC but a comfortable sling was a must have. I wore dd almost all day. Not only was it great for her to be cuddled up in there but my hands were free to do all the things ds needed me for. We even figured out a comfy position with dd in the sling nursing and ds's head on my lap as I read stories at bed time.

There were some tence moments for sure. The hardest thing for me was when my protective mama bear self would rise up in responce to something ds was doing to dd. I had to work hard on controling my anger, after all he is my baby to and always will be! Trying to juggle the needs of 2 is dificult for sure. It might help to talk with your ds about what babies need now. Go through pictures with him of him as a baby. Talk about how much time you spent nursing him and carrying him around. I think it helped my ds to know I had done all this stuff for him when he was small too.

[roseselene]

My kids are 20 months apart. It was really hard for me to juggle the needs of two kids. I think that was one of the hardest parts -- me. Not actually the kids themselves, but me figuring out that it CAN be done. I suffered from PPD quite severely and spent a lot of time telling myself that this was impossible, but it wasn't. DS is 23 months now and it is going much better. The first year of his life was definitely a whirlwind, and you do need to learn to multitask, but it CAN be done. I really do believe that it is not as much the activities of the kids, but us figuring out that we can actually handle the activities of the kids.
Does this make sense?
amy

[aguacates]

My kids are 30 mos apart, and my biggest advice is about bedtimes and sleeping. I *wish* that I had done more to make dh responsible for these things before little dd was born. I also really wanted to take advantage of these last times w/older dd, but after the baby came, I couldn't do it anymore. Really. Not at all. Little dd was a fussy baby and would just scream and scream and scream some more if I tried to lay down w/older dd to put her to bed. So, since little dd has come along, I've been plagued w/guilt that older dd has felt rejected by me, since I am pretty much tied up and unavailable at sleeptimes. I try to do lots of talking with her about the situation, but I am afraid it has led to me treating older dd like she is older than her three years, and like it is reasonable to expect a lot of her. And also, we have a king sized bed, and I still have a hard time when both kids are velcroed to my breasts and I want to, god forbid, roll over.

[Lilcrunchie]

thanks everyone. I'm just really intimidated with the thought of APing two kids. I know it has been done, can be done, and we'll find a way to make it work, but it is hard to think about how much things will change

DS is very close to DH, so hopefully he can help get him into bed, and they can cosleep together in a different room if need be. I know DH will also take the baby if baby is willing and not needing to nurse (just so I can get DS to bed, etc.).

We shall see. I'll definitely be using my slings again for sure...I imagine w/ 2, they are even more valuable

Cross your fingers for us, and thanks for sharing your experiences :

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Lilcrunchie

So many people urge me to make changes now, but I also feel like he should enjoy being the baby while he can.

I understand what you are saying, but my opinion is that, if you anticipate making changes once the baby is here, giving your son time to adjust to them now would be kinder in the long run. Dealing with having the new baby around will be hard enough; that AND changes to his routine might be too much for him.

My daughter was 33 months old when her brother arrived (via adoption, at somewhere between 21 and 33 months old). I didn't have the baby issues to deal with, but I definitely had two kids with urgent needs on my hands. Like a previous poster, I found that it was harder for me to figure out how to juggle everything than it was for the kids to adjust to all the changes. But it took a lot less time to nail down how to be a mom to two kids than it did to get into the groove of being a first-time mom.

Btw, just for future reference, going from 2 to 3 is WAY harder than going from 1 to 2.

Namaste!

[dharmamama]

The Great Migration

Edited: Oops, I thought I made a new topic, but it was accidentally a reply to this post.

Namaste!

[ms. pacman]

Well, dd is 2 yrs. 2 months, and I have a 3 week old. Things are fine, but this evening my mom is leaving, and dh just went back to work today, so I'll be all on my own for the first time tomorrow! For the first week or so I felt awful, because dd just didn't seem happy and I felt so bad, but things are already looking up (I think )

I alternate between feeling like superwoman and feeling like I'm going crazy. We are tandem nursing and it's been good and bad. 2 yr. old dd wants to nurse seriously all the time. Well, all the time when we're home, it's much better when we're out of the house but that's harder to do these days!

It is kind of difficult so far to juggle bedtime because I'm usually trying to nurse both of them at once and then the baby will start getting fussy and I'll have to delatch the toddler and well, let's just say dd hasn't been getting to sleep before 10 most nights. I just keep trying to have low expectations

I tell myself "people first" so that I can remember my priorities and not feel awful if the house goes to chaos these first weeks or months. One day at a time I guess. Good luck to you. Just remember people do this all the time! As long as you have the love, everything will fall into place

[Autumn_Breeze]

I won't scare ya, I'll just give you the basics. Yes, it is somewhat overwhelming, but you sort take your time step by step, and live day to day. There are going to be days you may be so overwhelmed that you would rather stick your head in the sand than have one more moment of disorganization, kids crying, both vieing for your attention and so on.

But, the best part is you have double the love, and double the excitement. Maybe you could write out a schedule, and plan the day hour by hour if need be. That seems sensible, in that you won't feel so overwhelmed and it sure keeps the frustration level down.

My first two are somewhat close in age, and though it has been no picknick in the park, I wouldn't change a thing. Just keep your head up and your faith intact. You can do it!