Originally Posted by onlyboys
If you'd like to hear how terrible inlaws can get, I can send you the email that my FIL sent me after they found out we were pregnant with their fourth grandchild. It sent me spiralling--they HATE me.
Want to trade in-law letters. I have one my SIL sent to DH when DS1 was about 6 months old. History behind it, we went to a family b-day party for one of DH's Uncles, which started at 2. Due to prior engagements we had to leave by 3. We had cleaned up all the toys, because he wasn't playing with them and there was very limited space and two small kids running around (6-9 months of age). MIL and FIL show up at 5 minutes to 3, then get pissed because we wouldn't let them feed a 6 month old raw veggies he could choke on, cake, ice cream, pumpking pie, cherry pie, chili, chips, etc. Then, they got mad, because they couldn't spend any time with their grandson because we had to leave, and we also asked them not to unpack ALL of the toys as we were leaving.
I am so totally hated by my husband's parents and sister. I think most of the rest of the family has no issues, as they respect OUR parenting choices and decisions. The funny thing is, we only spend money on things when we have it (ie we save up to purchase season passes to the local amusement park, the zoo, museum's etc.), and we tend to do a lot with our children on weekends along those lines. My DH doesn't get to spend a lot of time during the week, unless he watches them while I am at Court first thing in the mornings, so we spend a lot of quality family time on weekends.
My MIL/FIL/SIL all think that we "lead a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget". Yet, my husband is being responsible and paying all his premarital debt off, and we are not incurring any new debt along the way (ok, we did have to purchase a new van due to ours being totalled, so that is the only debt we have incurred as a married couple right now). We are constantly chastized for doing all these things, because they cost money...but yet my SIL has in the past year spent herself into a point of having to go file bankruptcy, because they have gone $40,000 in debt in credit cards. She had to purchase a new house and move without fully investigating and thinking...then found out the school system where she moved sucked and has to pay for private school for two children plus a house they did 100% financing on....Oh, and don't forget that now that we have a new car (ok, newer...2002) her and her husband had to get a newer car and wanted to get a second newer car....but hubby and I are the financially irresponsible ones...
We do get some minimal assistance from my parents, but we also get two huge gifts a year from my grandmother (Christmas and Aniversary). Last years Christmas gift was used to put the down payment on our new car, and then also to purchase the season passes for the amusement park. Our Anniversary money went to pay for my malpractice insurance and also to move us a few payments ahead on our car. We got our tax return back, and caught up the bills from budget billing on the utilities and paid the property taxes, as well as put 1/2 of it into savings, of which we have spent 12 cents.. (ok, I could easily just move the 12 cents back into savings...but just haven't bothered, because it is only 12 cents....). I anticipate we wont have to touch that money, and will be adding another large sum to the savings account from her for Christmas....of which we will only spend the money to purchase the season passes to the amusement park...and maybe a zoo membership.
I guess what I am saying, is that I can relate to the OP, as a person who is so totally hated by her MIL/FIL, and constantly has her decisions questioned by them. Heck, my children never even had birthday parties this year, because of them. I could never fit anything into their schedule, and it was never good enough for them....even when they were given 6 weeks advanced notice. It came down to the fact that after fighting with them for 3 weeks about the stupid parties (I believe that even though my two children were born 8 days apart, each deserve their own birthday celebration) and that there should be ONLY ONE and include both family and friends (not possible in my small home....when I have a friend over with her daughter and maybe the one child she sits for, we are tripping over ourselves in the house...let alone having MIL/FIL, SIL/DH/DD1/DD2/DSS, DH/Myself/DS1/DS2, F1/DH/DD, F2/DS1/DS2/DD1, F3/DH/DS - there would be no room to move and it wouldn't be appropriate season for a outdoor party).
I can see where she has probably tried to accomodate them, and has tried to give in, but only is taken advantage of by them, or is totally ignored by them. My IL's totally do not believe in our ways (nursing - my children are born to large to be able to gain nutrients from bm alone they need solid foods at birth, non-interventionalist birth - ie midwife/homebirth/birthcenters). We are totally ignored when it comes to our wishes as well, as a result, we have stopped being able to freely talk to the IL's and discuss our children's health with them, as anything negative (ie a cold or ear infection) becomes a complete tool for them to attempt to twist to their advantage and bad mouth how bad we are as parents; we only allow them supervised visits with our children on the time schedule that fits our children's and our lives...not theirs.