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Anyone else having problems w/family about the holidays? - Page 2

post #21 of 29
I'm not in your DDC, but I was a couple years ago and I would *love* for someone to be able to learn from my mistakes.

DD was due 12/4ish and made her appearance unexpectedly on 11/23, a few days before Thanksgiving. We were released Thanksgiving morning. Our parents were ok with us just going home (because they'd already gotten to meet her!) but other family members wanted us to come straight from the hospital to the family dinner!! It's a good thing we didn't, because it turns out the two most insistent ones had the flu. :

But I was feeling guilty, so the next day I said some friends and family could come by, as long as no one was sick, anyone who smoked washed and changed first, etc. I figured if they staggered their visits, what could be the harm of it? Well, dh's cousins showed up with their 1-year-old son, who had a cold and was rubbing his nose and then touching *everything.* Smokers showed up and washed their hands, but hadn't washed their hair or clothes. I got so stressed out trying to be polite and social but feeling like a mama bear wanting to protect my child at the same time. To top it off, my milk came in that day! All of a sudden I was engorged and sore, my breasts were too big for dd to latch on easily, so I'm sitting there trying to learn how to nurse for the first time with people and noise and distractions . . . ugh. It was horrible. I was exhausted and stressed, dd was stressed; I finally fled into the bedroom in tears. DD went on a 19-hour nursing strike on the right side and we ended up back at the hospital the next day for a SEVEN HOUR consultation with an LC.

We knew better with ds. I came home and holed up in bed with him for a solid week. DH politely kicked out anyone who stayed more than a few minutes. All visitors were asked to bring food or clean something when they got here. Even though we had a much rougher start with ds and I had some more healing to do, I recovered much faster and was in better spirits this time.

Claim your babymoon, mama. If anyone gives you flak, remind them that aside from labor(!) and giving birth(!!), your placenta is the size of a dinner plate so that's the size wound your uterus is healing from after birth after the placenta detaches. No one would expect anyone with a surgical wound that size to be up and about immediately, would they? Much less drive 4 hours (which would be more like 8 with a newborn needing to stop and nurse every 1-2 hours for up to 45 minutes at a time).
post #22 of 29
Originally Posted by ferrum97
I have no problem with a small gathering, but I just don't think I'll be up for a four hour drive with a multi-night stay at a hotel that soon after birth.
Oh, and a hotel... Yeah, I wouldn't want to be doing that at 4 weeks! Wait until you and baby are settled into a good sleeping routine before tackling the hotel thing. It's so hard to be in a hotel, worried that your crying baby is going to disturb all the other people there. And at that age, you don't know if you'll be dealing with a colicky baby, etc. That would be way too stressful. :
post #23 of 29
I have flat out told everyone that I am going only to my mil's for Christmas... it's just her, her dh and adopted son... and she keeps an immaculate house. I don't care what others think about my decision. I have no desire to subject my newborn to everyone's germs and possibly RSV. In addition to that, I've told my "barhopping" fil that he isn't holding the baby at all!!!! He didn't like it. He said, " well I'm his grandfather" and I responded by saying "well, I'm his mother and what I say goes, and I say you aren't holding him because you're constantly around questionable people in smoky disgusting bar rooms". Stand your ground momma..
post #24 of 29
We're not sure what we're going to do about the holidays. I'm due at Thanksgiving. Our familes are divided between Louisiana and Ohio, and I'm not thinking I'll be interested in dragging a newborn to either place by Christmas-time. Too much hassle at the airport, too many germs, etc.

No one has given us any grief about it, and there are tentative plans for family members to come visit us at various points during the holidays. I rather like the idea of a quiet first Christmas with just me, DP and the babe. I think we may go make some visits after New Year's.
post #25 of 29
my family wants us to go to thanksgiving in NY and I told them no way! i want to relax and get back to my family after this surrogacy!
post #26 of 29
Nope, I've told the entire family that Thanksgiving is canceled this year. No one is coming over and we are not going out. (I hope DH supports this when the issue is pressed then!)

Christmas will only be held at my house, under my rules.
post #27 of 29
I'm due Thanksgiving day and we are staying put! The MIL is hosting the big family dinner at her house. I told them that if I went into labor for sure that day, then she and my sister in law could come later to see the baby, as I don't want a horde coming to the house during cold season....

I think Christmas Eve Dinner *usually held at MIL's house* will be cancelled for us, for the first time in like 13 years....but hey, I don't want to drive an hour on a possibly cold and snowy day, be up late when I'll still be in the tired 24/7 on duty mom mode, with alot of possibly cold or flu carrying folks around a 4 week old.....Christmas Day we usually stay home and that's the plan for me.

Dh is already taking time off and will be doing all the cooking with 'references' for making the favorite stuff. If we both tired, it's frozen pre made up casseroles!

I have two boys, 4 and 2 and enough to deal with I think. So hopefully they will understand I'm not exactly gonna be up for doing much of anything this holiday season, including shopping for extended family. I hope to get my sons stuff done before hand, as baby might come early and then I'll not be going out for at least 6 weeks. Just a personal thing. I tend to nurse 24/7 to really get that milk supply established early on and hate being out shopping and or doing errands and not have a clean, relaxing place to do it at!

I hope you get support on your decision! You will have your hands full as it is, without worrying about family issues like that!
post #28 of 29
We already told our families we are not attending any Thanksgiving celebrations (although we might allow them to come over briefly to bring us food and visit - I think it will be the first time I let family other than grandparents see the baby who will be about 4 weeks old). Christmas is going to be a surprise...I am not traveling, sorry!
post #29 of 29
Am I crazy?
I really WANT to go to CA for Christmas (we're in NY). I'm due in the end of Nov, so I know it will be somewhat exhausting, but my family is spread all over the map and they have all gotten excited about meeting in San Diego this year. Some people I haven't seen in years- and, on top of the new baby, most haven't even met DH yet (we met just over a year ago).
The complicated thing is that his parents are coming over from Italy for the holidays for sure. Traveling with them and the baby might be a little too much for everyone- they speak no English and have been on a plane only twice in their lives. But I know I will have some sort of a breakdown if my whole family is all together and I'm stuck out here with the IL's alone. Just their visit worries me- we get along great, but they will be staying with us, unable to go out and do things on their own because of language...sort of like having two more children around all of a sudden.
Is that kind of travel unrealistic? I do wish I could claim a full month of peace and family rest before all of these things came up...
I just miss my family in general- plus would be nice to introduce baby to my niece and nephew who will be there.
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