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How much/how often do you correct disrespectful/whiny behavior? - Page 2

post #21 of 32
When Ds was 3 we began learning our manners. Whenever he spoke without using them I gently looked at him and said, "What sweetie? I didn't understand you." At first I had to remind him how I could understand him, but now 1.5 yrs later it still works. I never reward the bad behavior. Never call attention to it. Just let him know if he wants to communicate, he's got to speak in a language Mommie understands. Works every time!
post #22 of 32
post #23 of 32
I do delay help if dd is yelling at me or being rude. I don't require her to pull it together enough to make a complete request politely, but I do require her to make an effort to meet me on nicer ground. The minimum effort is one big breath. If she's getting out of control and can give me one breath (or an attempt) then I consider that enough. My mantra is "Ok, wait dd, work with me here."

I use this technique because of dd's spirited personality. She is soooo much like me. I remember being carried away by strong emotion as a child, and I was never taught how to cope with them. Plus, dd is a wee bit on the demanding side and I think I'd lose my mind if I didn't draw this boundary for myself.

For ordinary whining, I ask her to if she can "say in a nicer way" and she usually says "Please." That's enough for me.
post #24 of 32
ITA with most previous posters, but I thought I'd add that if I am feeling a negative emotion (like the whining is making my hair stand on end too ) then I will express that to her honestly and calmly.... "I will need to be asked in a different way for X." usually now she gets it even before I'm finished speaking and tones it down. But she's edging up on four so there's light at the end of the 3 yo tunnel for us finally.
post #25 of 32
We have a No Whining policy firmly in place. For everyone. My nearly 9 y.o is starting that adolescent attitude deal and its a struggle not to lose my mind with him. When either of them start in I tell them, "When you are done whining and can ask me politely..." I do, however, acknowledge when they are overtired, hungry, etc. I don't expect perfection, but manners are important to me. I'll tell my son, "I don't speak to you like that. Can you show me the respect and decency I show you?"
post #26 of 32
i dont know really.

just try to set good examples
be consistant
keep them away from a lot of "kid" television shows...those characters are usaully whiney (Calliou comes to mind).

i try to correct him sometimes/most of the time, but ..it would be difficult to always be doing so.
post #27 of 32
keep them away from a lot of "kid" television shows...those characters are usaully whiney (Calliou comes to mind).
very good point. we just started letting dd watch a little tv (clifford) and although i generally feel ok about it i have noticed at least one of the characters is very whiny/bratty.

oh and lovebeads thanks for the "stop and rewind" suggestion. my dd loves it. we almost always end up laughing which is such a nice release.
post #28 of 32
Originally Posted by sleepies
keep them away from a lot of "kid" television shows...those characters are usaully whiney (Calliou comes to mind).
Oh GAH, I can't stand the way he talks. Henry was allowed to watch him for a while (he gets one thirty-minute PBS show a day) and I noticed a MARKED change in his communication. I started watching more closely, and noticed all kinds of things that bugged me - not just the whining, but lots of behaviors that I don't want to foster with Henry. That was the end of Calliou, and a good lesson for me.
post #29 of 32
Very consistent guidance~if he was in an overly tired state of chronic whining and complaining, I would remedy the situation rather than spend 2 hours correcting him "You seem too tired to speak nicely. You can either rest in your room or on the sofa. Which would you prefer?".

This is what we do. Instead of Do you want to lay down? It's would you like to lay on the couch or in your bed. Or would you like to lay on Mommy and Daddy's bed or your bed. I ONLY ever offer two choices because when they're tired too many options can escalate a situation.
post #30 of 32
Originally Posted by happeeevraftr
So, how often do you correct/remind/ask to speak nicer?
For me it depends on how whiny he's being, how tired he is, or if he's generally in a bad mood. I typically say to him to "use words that are not whiny words." Or "try it again without whining". He'll ask why and I say "because it's annoying to listen to." And then I model his own behavior and ask him if he wants me to talk to him that way and he always says no. Is that the right way? I don't know. I'm at a loss because some days my head feels like it'll explode if he whines again...

If it's 'one of those days' of moody behavior...we typically talk about what's behind it...what's bothering him. Sometimes that works, sometimes the whining goes on and on and on...
post #31 of 32
I wanted to add that also I have made efforts to make things more accessible to my children as well. When they were younger I put several already filled cups in the fridge for them to get out when they were thirsty and portioned out snacks in small containers for them to get themselves as well. There is a step stool for the bathroom and kitchen so they can reach the sinks and dishes. Simple things that they could do for themselves, rather than feel like they had to ask for help for everything. While this may not help a child who is overtired and whiny, I think it does help with whining in general.
post #32 of 32
I have 3 girls and they're all pretty good with manners, but it's an ongoing learning experience Under normal circumstances (if they're not tired, hungry or sick) I typically push for good manners. I don't make a war of it but I remind them by asking them not to "sing it" or to "speak like a robot" (my 5 yr old dd responds well to that one), I'll even fake a proper English accent and repeat their request. Sometimes I respond with a "Miss B, did you say you would enjoy a cold glass of chocolate milk right about now?" (to really flower that one up, stand up and hold your hands behind your back and bend forward a bit) and that usually catches her attention for a better request. And then there's the lift of my eyebrows, which they get immediately. I make it fun and light.

When I'm tired (hungry, sick or it's after 7pm) I'll make a statement right back to a request like this: "I want chocolate milk!" "That's nice, I want to take a nap and then go for a walk." Although this doesn't work well on the younger one
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