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younger dads - Page 2

post #21 of 53
My dh was 21 when dd was born. We have a second baby on the way and he will turn 23 just before our babies arival. All of his friends are still partying, so he doesn't have much in common with them anymore.
post #22 of 53
I got preggo at 20, my fiance was 23. I didnt' feel like I was that young, even though I knew I wasn't even legally allowed to go into a bar. I got the so young thing too.

And everybody asked if it was planned, which it wasn't. But all I said was it wasn't in our plans, but it sure was in GODS.
post #23 of 53
I'm not a young dad, but I can totally relate to the "was it planned?" questions. Why would anyone ever feel compelled to ask such a personal question?! ARGH! I guess it doesn't matter what age you are, people will find a way to judge you and your decisions based on their own prejudices...
post #24 of 53
dh and I are 26 with 3 children. People are weird. They will see Lyni in the sling and start the awwww....what a pretty baby comments, and then dh will come up to me with the others and that same person will gasp and say, "they're all yours?" with a look of horror. I look forward to the day when I can say, yes, and we are expecting another blessing in_____. People will really flip out then .Also, being female, strangers feel compelled to ask very personal questions about the condition of my bladder and cervix, since I have "so many" "so close together".
post #25 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy
"Oh so you had kids young and close together... don't you know what causes that?"
"5 years of fertility treatment and private adoption."
I love that reply! I think it's wonderful that you're all doing what you think is best rather than following others' expectations.

By the standards on this thread, I'm not young (26), and I'm not a parent yet, but I'm in Calfornia and definitely feeling the West Coast thing. Anyone who has kids before thirty here seems to get pushed into the babies having babies category.
post #26 of 53
That's NORTHERN California. Down south (where there are so many Mexicans that you have to learn Spanish to get by), the "babies having babies" thing is so common that nobody even bats an eyelash or thinks about it.
post #27 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaggyDaddy View Post
In Texas everyone seems to love young parents, but few strangers speak directly to kids.
You know, that must be why we never heard the "your so young" comments.

DH was 18 and just graduated HS when our DD was born. (She was born in June the year he graduated) We never heard one negative comment about the baby. But my DH has always been super mature so maybe that was it??

DH was 20 when our DS was born.

He will be 24 when this baby, our third is born.

My DH honestly looks to be in his thirties. I am two years older than he is and I get carded all the time and he NEVER EVER gets carded.

So maybe that is why we never get negative comments? Maybe it's that we have lived in TX 6 outta the last 8 yrs? I dunno.
post #28 of 53
"The proof is in the pudding."
I'm afraid you are just going to have to prove people wrong. More often than not we aren't given the benefit of the doubt. You just have to prove folks wrong to change their mind.
post #29 of 53
The expression is "the proof is in the putting" (i.e., application), not the "pudding".

Sorry to split hairs...
post #30 of 53
DH and I are 23, and we're pregnant with our 3rd now! We started our family at the age of 19.
post #31 of 53
My hubby is 23, so am I, and we are pregnant with our second child. We had our first child when we were 21. Planned. We got married at 20 and started our family right away. We love kids and hope to have a big family and we are excited to have our kids while we are still "young" and "fun" ourselves. (When our first son is graduating highschool, we will only be 40!! Hee hee!)

It was worse with our first child, a lot of the medical practitioners were condescending/patronizing ("Do you have insurance?" No one asks us that anymore!! GRrr!!!) But this time it is much better. People think we are older than we are. This is partially because dh works in an investments company and wears business clothes all the time (and looks very cute in them if I do say so myself ), also we are very stable and mature in our lifestyle (but still fun!) We don't "party" or stay up late, and we largely choose activities and hobbies which we can include our child in, unlike some young parents I know who are constantly trying to ditch the kids/get a sitter. So people are always surprised when they learn how young we are.

There seems to be this huge trend now of a sort of second adolescence that lasts for much of the 20s, well out of the college years, and personally I don't approve of it. Many of our peers are still in that stage where they aren't really "doing" anything with their lives. (And I don't mean at all to imply that raising a family is the only thing worth doing. But all they ever "do" is "hang out" or "party" . . .) I think when one is done being a child, one ought to start being an adult. So I say, kudos to you! I think you will get more out of life in the long run. Our children have made our lives SO much richer, we feel so blessed and happy! I hope you do too!
post #32 of 53
I am not a dad (i am of course a mother) but have experienced the glares and the comments for the last 7 years or so!! I was 19 (DP was 18) when I had my DD, and 22 with DS and now I am 26 (not too young now) and we are expecting our third. I look very young for my age and so does DP. I have had so many rude comments said to me....for example when DP and I were with our DD (she was maybe 1 at the time) we were in line at a store and there was a couple ahead of us in line and the lady looked back at us and her jaw literally hit the floor ....she looked us up and down a couple times turned back and whispered in her partner's ear and he then turned around and had the same stupid look on his face.....I asked DP to take DD to the car...he was confused but did it anyway...as soon as they were out of the building I screamed at the couple that was ahead of us....I was not so nice but I had had it by then....the whole time I was pregnant I got jaw dropping looks and glares so I had had it that day!!! Just because we are young doesn't mean we are stupid and aren't great parents!!!! DP also gets harrassed at work for being 25 with 3 kids!?!?!?! that blows my mind because they always want him to go out and get drunk with them and every single time he says no....he has meaning to his life....i feel bad for all of them wasting their lifes away!!!
post #33 of 53
Hopefully my story will give you some encouragement.

I was the firstborn in my family. When I was born, my mother had just turned 16 (exactly 3 months prior). My bio-father decided not to be part of my life; but another man (my father), at the tender age of 19 took us on as a family. When I was three years old, my sister was born..then another one...then another one.....then a boy. My brother was born in 1988; and he was the last of the five kids in our family. My mother was 24 years old when he was born.

Let me say it again: my mother was 24 and had 5 kids under the age of seven.

People are shocked over this, but my parents did a better job raising us than alot of "adults" I see now in their 30's and 40's are doing with their 2.5 kids. We were happy, they played with us and we were well fed and clothed.

I had mine at 22 years old. Whenever times were tough, or I felt judged; I just thought "if my mother can do what she did, this should be a walk in the park for me!!" So, feel free to remember "Vanessa's Mommy" whenever you feel that way too.

I also want to share a bit about my current situation. I am 25 now, and my boy is 3. My S/O is 23 years old, and he's taken on the role of parenting my boy happily. It's not his natural child, but we're a family and couldn't be happier. I've said this in other threads, but it's also very fitting here:

Families are not born, they're made.

It was a choice you made to be a family at the age you are. It was a noble, selfless choice that you made in a world full of greed. I commend you and especially so as a father who's putting his all into a young life instead of "wasting his away" like many of his peers.

post #34 of 53
MuckeDAD here... I was able to tear my darling wife away from the computer so that I could post here...

We had our son, Connor, when I was 21 and my wife was 20... our families thought that it was great, they both had us when they were in their early 20's and they knew that we were stable...

but STRANGERS were flat out rude... when I told a client that my wife was expecting he said, "what are you going to do about it" in a tone that meant, "when is her appointment at Planned Parenthood" its sad, but thats the way it is...

To be honest there are times when I am jealous that my friends get to go out and party, but then I walk upstairs and its my night to give the little one a bath and I realize that THEY should be JEALOUS of me...
post #35 of 53
My boyfriend is 26 now and his oldest is turning 6 this month. I am pregnant now with my first (I'm 29) it will be his third. We actually get the reverse, here on the islands I think the majority have their kids starting at 16, so before I got pregnant I got the *looks* when people found out my age and I had no kids.
They look at my boyfriend and actually say he's so good for having waited, (even though he had his first at 20) but they ask me why I waited so long! :

It's funny how things are sooo different in different places.


I think because he was the youngest and his brothers and sisters all had kids, he was more prepared for kids and not as freaked out as some young fathers out there. I knew him since he was 14 and he was always mature even then. The erson you are and the environment you are in sure make a difference!
post #36 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninelives View Post
That's NORTHERN California. Down south (where there are so many Mexicans that you have to learn Spanish to get by), the "babies having babies" thing is so common that nobody even bats an eyelash or thinks about it.
What does ethnicity have to do with this?
post #37 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by swimswamswum View Post
What does ethnicity have to do with this?
Yeah, curious to hear too....

Mel ("getting by" in So Cal without speaking a lick of Spanish )
post #38 of 53
Cultures are just different. I am from hispanic ansestry, Panamanian from my mom's side, not mexican, and in Panama people have kids at an older age.
I am from Hawaii though, and here like I mentioned it's normal for15 -18 yr olds to be having kids.
My boyfriend does get comments about having waited to have kids, and he had his first at 20!

Culture does make a difference, but I don't know anything about mexicans in the mainland.
post #39 of 53
The reason I said that about Mexicans is simply that in Latin America, very young parents are much more common and accepted than here in the U.S. of A.
post #40 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninelives View Post
The reason I said that about Mexicans is simply that in Latin America, very young parents are much more common and accepted than here in the U.S. of A.
Certainly true of some of the more traditional....but not true of all. Being a resident of California (and of Mexican descent), I can tell you that there are many different norms for families of Latin American descent.
Broad generalizations like these can be made about lots of different groups of people....and the problem is that they tend to propogate stereotype rather than reflect the reality which may be very diverse.
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