Originally Posted by CalebsMama05
Right now I am relearning reflex reactions and on the rare occasion I do slap or hit or spank I always do the same thing. I hug him and tell him that hitting is NOT okay under any circumstances and mommy and he need to learn together to be nicer to everyone especially each other and I ask him to forgive me. i'm not sure he understands right now but it makes me feel better. I do feel better that I'm succeeding at my goal of not hitting. it really is only when I am startled as mentioned above. and right now along with learning to not hit i'm also trying to learn not to have any reflex action but that seems like a pointless endeaver as I always have something in reflex. I'm trying to say ow instead of *doing* anything.
it is hard.
It is so hard. I have these reflexes, too. Most of the time, I feel I have them firmly under control, but I've had a hard time while being pregnant.
As far as spanking, my mother spanked us, but it was not at all out of love. She never did it in public, at least that I can remember. I think she would have been embarrassed, because it was all about her losing her temper and lashing out.
It's interesting, because in many ways, my parents used GD. I can't remember my dad ever hitting me, though my sister said he spanked us very lightly once. They never really punished us, except for grounding me a couple of times in high school. But my mom had major anger issues and would frequently lash out and strike us. This rarely had anything to do with our behavior. Something that was completely acceptable one day would warrant a slap the next. She didn't "spank" very often, mostly just hitting or kicking what was available. True temper tantrums.
My sister and I talk about this a lot, she also GDs her kids. She was telling me a story about when she and my mom were driving and my mom was very stressed out and in a hurry and she hit a deer. Her reaction to hitting the deer was to slap my sister across the nose.
This is the HARDEST part of this legacy for me to get over. I really hate how I'm always looking for someone to blame or something to break, curse or strike. Today I was trying to make a paint sprayer work, I was hungry, I wanted to get my kids from the babysitter, and it took A TON of willpower to not throw it down on the patio and beat it with a rock until it was a million pieces.
I really hope I'm going to be able to do better by my children and not pass on this anger.