If you were spanked as a child... - Page 5

[Zilla]

My parents spanked me and my siblings and I am sure it was becasue they were spanked when they were children. I had always planned on spanking my children until I got a stepkid after marrying my husband. I refused to spank her even though DH did, simply becasue she wasn't my kid and that just seemed wrong to me. Because of this I have learned how easy it is to GD and I now there is NO WAY I would spank my kids.

[cfiddlinmama]

My parents spank(ed) us (there are still some little ones at home). Both my parents have anger issues. I could have written most of these posts. My parents would lose it regularly. I was terrified of my mother and very uncomfortable with my dad. There was a lot of positives in our life though. I don't remember any of the reasons I was spanked - just the spankings. I was very sensitive and got really angry about the injustices. I remember standing on the counter in the bathroom and looking in shock and anger at the big blue bruises on my bottom in the mirror. The sad thing is I worked so hard to block that all out. My parents majorly indoctrinated us that you *have* to spank to be good parents. They were always pointing out misbehaving children and deriding the parents for not spanking. The people who advocated against spanking were the "enemy" who were trying to destroy the family. I bought it. I don't know how except that the influence was so strong and my dh was taught the same thing. My gut said no to spanking my kids but I did it anyway. I didn't know there were alternatives. The breaking point came when I had 3 kids and the baby was super high needs. I was stretched to the max and started having major anger issues and losing it with my kids. Yelling, screaming, hitting in anger. (never leaving marks, I couldn't hit that hard) I realized I needed help and fast. I found Dr. Sears. I don't spank anymore. It's been about a year since I resolved to not spank anymore. I've messed up, but not for months now. I am such a better mother. I can't believe I bought the propaganda from my parents even though spanking effected me so negatively. I'll live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I learned to give myself time outs to get a grip and come back and hug my kids. They love to please me, they don't need to fear me. Thank's mom. She used to say "you will fear me." Yes, I did. Congratulations, success. Bleck. Never again will I hit my children. Ever. My dh is doing better, I just have to convince him never to hit. He's down to once a month or so and quickly learning it's just not effective. We're both in this journey together. He got the belt all the time in anger. He said he always understood why his dad did it and it didn't effect him negatively. It did. He's just afraid I'll become lazy and overly permissive and our kids will be out of control. They won't though! I've got Dr Sears Discipline Book in our bathroom for him to read. He's stubborn but I'll get him.
Sorry for the lengthy post. It's good to get all out.

[PennyRoo]

to thismama and others who have posted your terrible childhood stories. It breaks my heart to think of what you endured. You are wonderful to be consciously charting a new path for yourselves and your children!

[Trinitty]

We don’t have children yet, but just wanted to post.

I was spanked once by each parent, neither of the instances was out of control or abusive, in my opinion. Once was during my apparently one and only tantrum, I threw a fit in a department store and threatened to break things… I don’t think I remember it. The other was when I was perilously climbing drawers to reach the butcher knives over and over again, I do remember that one, open hand, over the clothes, not hard, etc.

Spanking was there as an ultimate punishment during my young childhood. I knew that if I did something horrible, say, tortured an animal or set something on fire or told my mother to F-off I would have been spanked… but I am not like that now, and I was not like that then… so it was pretty much a non-issue, other than to know that my parents would be the “heavy” if it ever came to that when I was little… but it didn’t. I guess if I were a “spirited” child I might have been spanked more often? Not sure.

My parents almost always talked to me about everything and explained everything to me as if I were a sentient, sensitive creature…. And I am so thankful for that. The main complaint I have is that my Dad would lose his temper and YELL to shake the windows, stomping around, etc, it was really frightening. I figure if I have one complaint, I had it pretty good. 

My grandfather spanked me three times in one day when my parents left us at their house! It was very upsetting because I was not used to being treated like that. But, it was a one day thing, so I don’t think I was really affected by that.

But, reading the stories here is just heartbreaking. I’m so sorry to hear about these childhoods that some of you have had. The belts really get to me. DH had a belt used on him and it enrages me to think about it… there’s no way that he should have been spanked, let alone hit with something like that. He’s one of the most intelligent and sensitive people I know, and I think it would have been so hard on him.

I don’t plan on using spanking as a punishment.

I can’t predict what will happen in the future, but there’s no way that belts and other weapons would ever be used on my children.

So, I think it's DH's experience with physical punishment that will inform our methods more than my childhood did.

[QueenOfThePride]

I was spanked just as a means for my parents to express their anger. A lot of times, I can remember not knowing what I was being spanked for. I began resenting and distrusting my parents from a young age.

I have slapped my son's hand a few times, but always felt bad immediately afterwards. I'm trying hard not to lose it and do it again.