last names

[Peony]

Right now we all have DH's last name, I'm in the process of changing back to my maiden name. I'm wanting to give #2 my last name but DH is really having a hard time with it. He HATES hypenated names and he even bought up the suggestion of doing that, so I know how big of an issue it is to him. I know some have two last names without a hypen, is that a PIA on forms or does it all work out?

[Lara vanAEsir]

[nicole lisa]

DS' last name has two names, no hyphen and it's never been a problem. Not ever. He's 6 and it's never been messed up or one of the names left off etc.

BF and I aren't married and never will be (by our own choice) and so it was important to both of us DS' last name reflect both his parents. The choosing one of our names as a middle name didn't appeal to us, so we have three people in our family with different last names. No problem.

I don't get why it would be a PITA, really. You're just creating a new last name, hyphen or no hyphen. Why would one be less a PITA than the other?

I say go for both names no hyphens. It works for us .

[angelpie545]

My first daughter has my exes last name and mine hyphenated and it's never been a problem for us. My ex and I were together at the time of her birth, but not married(we never did get married thank goodness), and insisted since we weren't married that she had to have my last name too. With #2 ex and I had broken and he pretty much though he wasn't the father so I just named her myself-he had no say-and she has my last name. Dh and I got together when dd#2 was four months old, so she only knows him as dad and has seen her biological father about twice maybe three times since she was a baby. My older dd calls him dad too but we have decided that we will keep their last names becuase it's a part of who they are. If, when they are older, they want to change their last name's to dh's, I won't have an issue with that as long as it's their decision, not one that was forced on them.

Last names are becoming even more and more confusing : .

[zinemama]

My dh also had a hard time with the idea of our second kid having my last name. He thought it would be confusing at school, weird for the kids, etc. I told him I understood his concerns, but that I didn't think it was such a big deal. And I did not want to hpyphenate.

We had planned to have one child, and I was ok with that one having my last name as a middle name. But when I was pregnant with ds2, I felt strongly, that in the interest of fairness, this child should have my last name (and dh's last name for a middle).

Basically, I just kept talking about it, kept stressing how important it was to me, and eventually dh saw that it wasn't such a big deal to him as he'd thought. I am really happy that one of my sons has my last name.

There has been no confusion about it at all. Little kids are so focused on fairness and justice that they naturally see exactly why one of them got my name and one dh's. (The only truly surprising result is that my in-laws have never even said one word about it).

If you want your child to have your last name, my advice is to do exactly that.

[WNB]

Originally Posted by AMB8301

Right now we all have DH's last name, I'm in the process of changing back to my maiden name. I'm wanting to give #2 my last name but DH is really having a hard time with it. He HATES hypenated names and he even bought up the suggestion of doing that, so I know how big of an issue it is to him. I know some have two last names without a hypen, is that a PIA on forms or does it all work out?

I appended my husband's name to my own, no hyphen, when we were married. It is a pain in the neck, but so long as I remember that the goal at any particular moment is to find something immediately relevant in some database, not define my identity and being as a woman, I can chuckle about it. I give them my actual name, then remind them that it might be filed under either one of the first letters, and that generally takes care of it.

[Hayes]

get a new name! My good friend got married and she and her DH squished their names together into one. And both of their children share it. Cool way to do it I think .

[Sharlla]

Originally Posted by Hayes

get a new name! My good friend got married and she and her DH squished their names together into one. And both of their children share it. Cool way to do it I think .

That's what we are doing. After being married 8 years we have decided to just get a whole new name. We are both Dune fans so we are getting rid of our boring lame name changed to Atreides

[Flor]

I don't think it is too weird for kids. Last year I had 25 students in my first period class. For some reason I had to match up parent names and kids and realized that 18 of them had a last name that was different from mom or dad or both.

[Roar]

Originally Posted by AMB8301

Right now we all have DH's last name, I'm in the process of changing back to my maiden name. I'm wanting to give #2 my last name but DH is really having a hard time with it. He HATES hypenated names and he even bought up the suggestion of doing that, so I know how big of an issue it is to him. I know some have two last names without a hypen, is that a PIA on forms or does it all work out?

Is he able to articulate why he's having a hard time with it? What exactly is difficult about it for him?

[Peony]

Thanks for all the responses. Creating a new last name for the family isn't an option, DH is a well-known business man in our area. A big part of him having a hard time with the last names is his family, or lack of. His family is just his parents, him, and his bro, his parents cut off everyone else years ago, DH has no idea about any other family he has. His parents also do not speak to us, they were not the nicest to me when they did. DH has low self-esteem related to all this, and he feels that his family is so bad that I don't want the same last name as them. I have to admit that I absolutely cringe when I'm called "Mrs. hisname", it reminds me of his mother. Besides that, I have felt a very strong pull back to my given name for many reasons, my family line ends with me and my sister, we have an uncommon last name and I would like to keep it going. DH also has a hard time with me changing my name, he says it's the norm to give up your name, and it's what a woman does when she gets married. He isn't normally like this, hence the reason I know it's mainly from the family issue, he has really been struggling with a loss of family lately. He keeps making comments about dd, "at least she's a hislastname."

In the end I will do whatever I want to, and I want a child with my name, but I would like DH to be more accepting of it, therefore I was thinking of the two last names for our dc (if we go this route, I will get dd's name changed). I'm not opposed to alternating last names, dd has his name, #2 has mine, #3 has his... but invloves DH just getting over his hangup.

[RubyWild]

My daughter has my last name and has my husband's/her father's last name as a middle name. It is no problem whatsoever.

[WNB]

Gosh, that sounds like it won't be an easy thing for you guys to work out, but doing so seems like it could really be a positive thing for your family.

Wanting your family name to continue on is a very valid reason; that is partly why I did not drop my maiden name when I married. I have almost 20 cousins and one brother, but there is only 1 boy in the next generation that shares my maiden name, and my brother and I are the only ones still producing children. (I just had my first, and my brother is still working up to marriage.). It is pretty amazing how ephemeral a family name can be when it is only carried forward by half the children (or fewer).

But it also sounds like he is hurt that you do not want his name, because of issues with his family. And it also sounds like there is more thasn a grain of truth to that. Whatever the issues with the rest of the family, they did create the person that is your husband, and that, at least, is something to be proud of.

Alternating last names, so that both family names will be carried on and both families are honored, seems like an ingenius solution.

[Katie Bugs Mama]

Originally Posted by nicole lisa

DS' last name has two names, no hyphen and it's never been a problem. Not ever. He's 6 and it's never been messed up or one of the names left off etc.

How have you managed this? DD has two last names and it has been really hard to keep her "first" last name -- my name -- from getting dropped.

[nicole lisa]

Hmmm...I don't know. It's never happened to us. On anything we've had to fill out when it states last name I fill out X Y and so it gets entered into computers etc as that. Anytime we're asked over the phone etc what DS' last name is we give X Y and people don't bat an eye. Maybe we've just been lucky? I would speak up the minute one got dropped, though, because legally DS' name isn't X or Y but X Y so writing one or the other would be just as inacurrate as writing down Z for his last name.

Do your child(ren)'s birth certificates etc list both names as the last name? I'm surprised many people have said their experience has been a PITA...maybe it's more common here in Canada than in the States and that's the difference? It certainly is rude to not use someone's proper name so I'd find it a PITA too if people were changing DS' name on us.

[mamawanabe]

we kept our names and are hypenating our kids' names ("hislastname-mylastname). I would have gone hypenated for all of us if it had been my choice, but dh didn't want to change his name so we stuck with our own names. I also thought about us each other's last names as second middle names but, again, he didn't want to change.

it is kinda fun though, all the possibilities. I'm sure there is one that will work for you guys.

[teachma]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Little kids are so focused on fairness and justice that they naturally see exactly why one of them got my name and one dh's.

SOOOO true! While I chose to keep my maiden name and give my children DH's last name, they easily accept this out of fairness, as I always explained when they were really little, "I have my daddy's last name, and you have your daddy's last name." They think it's reasonable when presented that way!

[ndunn]

I'm just really curious about having your child have your last name. I'd really love to hear why that is an important thing to some people....So if you'd like to share please do! I was so thrilled to take DH's name when we married and I'm so proud of having it and I'm so proud that my daugther has it. I guess thats just me but I'm definately curious about the way everyone else feels....

[Lara vanAEsir]