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school bully's mom spanked him... - Page 3

post #41 of 53
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post #42 of 53
Originally Posted by Ambrose
You've admitted that you can't understand from SLeepies perspective why she cannot homeschool, so instead of pressuring her or trying to make her feel guilty, could you try and be supportive in some other way? Like, could you help her be productive in the path she has chosen to take? (Maybe suggesting questions she can ask the local private schools?)
I'm not going to support her in continuing to send her son to this school. Sorry. At 5 years old he does not need homeschooling-just mothering. (if she chose to HS at 5 that's cool too, but by no means a requirement)

How would I know what questions she should ask a private school? I've never interviewed one, nor have I known anyone to interview one. Sleepies, we also have an extensive school forum that you should check out, maybe it has info on questions to ask?

And to the PP--yes, I've worked in a PreK and DS's dad is a highschool teacher. No one is asking that the teachers physically break up fights (though at the Kindergarten level, such an expectation is not too unreasonable). But if this is a problem, the child should be moved into another class, there should be age appropriate programs about violence, maybe an extra teachers aid can sit with the students.

post #43 of 53
Sleepies, a middle-of-the-road approach you might consider is a charter cyber school. It's still technically public school and all materials and lesson plans are provided. He would be at home, safe from the bullies, and it would take the pressure of being his sole teacher off you, if it's something you'd want to consider.

ETA: I wanted to say this is not to pressure you into homeschooling. But if you really feel he's not safe, and that homeschooling isn't an option, lots of moms find this to be a good "in the middle" solution.
post #44 of 53
I just wanted to add my 2 cents on the private school issue.

I attended parochial schools from 1-12 grades. They were considered (and still are) to be the best schools in our town. And in fact, I think that in many ways they are superior to most of our regions public schools.

HOWEVER, don't make the mistake of equating "private" or "religious" with no bullying. I was picked on a lot. Never hit because I was a girl, but lots and lots of teasing, name calling, social stigma, exclusion... This continued all the way up until I graduated from high school. It was not fun & I will not be sending my child to those schools either.

We will homeschool because I simply see no other acceptable alternative (there are no charter or Montessori type schools around us either), but I totally respect that you're not comfortable with doing it. Just wanted to point out not to assume that private schools or schools in other areas are free from these problems. Frankly, I feel that if you are going to send your child to ANY sort of formal school they are going to deal with this at some point or another. But the faculty's response can and will vary widely from school to school and that should be what you focus on when interviewing people.

Oh, and my first questions to the principal would be "Why in the world do you feel that just because the boy's mother hit him in front of you the issue has been dealt with? Where do you think he probably learned to hit in the first place? Do you seriously think that hitting a child is an effective way to teach them NOT to hit?" I would also be asking for a meeting with the principal and the teacher who told you he "fell" to get to the bottom of that.

At the very least you should be able to find a school where the faculty doesn't *condone* hitting, which I'm sorry but that's what they're doing! If you do look into other schools in your area I would ask them what their response would be to a child's parents hitting them in front of the principal as a way to punish them for bullying someone. That right there should be a good indicator if you want to send him there or not.

Best of luck. Keep us updated!

post #45 of 53
Wow: I've been following this thread and wanted to offer you a great big cause sometimes when you post you just want to vent and get some encouragement, not tons of pressure! At least what might be confused as pressure, but certainly well-intended.

I hope things work out well for you and your dc.
post #46 of 53
What area are you in. There should be some secular private schools as well.
post #47 of 53
. . . . and the cycle continues. . .. no wonder the poor child is bullying other children . . . he's being bullied himself and probably feels so helpless about it . . . . .:
post #48 of 53
Originally Posted by greenmagick
What area are you in. There should be some secular private schools as well.
Not the OP, but this is not true everywhere! I live in rural northeastern NY and there are NO secular private schools anywhere near our home. By anywhere near I mean within an hour or so drive.

It would be great if that really was an option for everyone, but unfortunately it's not.

post #49 of 53
Thread Starter 


i had a meeting with the principal.

the teacher's aids are going to be keeping a closer watch on my son...to see what indeed is going on.

the first couple of incidents were with the same two "bullies". this last time was with a little girl from his actual kindergarten class. the two "bullies were at recess and the little girl was after recess (in line--going up some stairs).

i believe the principal, that she is going to have the aids watch him more closely.

my son says that no one is bothering him at recess anymore. apparently he actually likes the little girl....that knocked him down...unsure that she was being a "bully", more likely she was just wound up from recess...he was saying today "she is soooo beautiful....but mean... i just wanna kiss her, but there is no kissing in school"---which made me smile.

so, anyway...the staff knows our names and faces now. perhaps there won't be anymore problems. i have told my son to play closer to the teacher's aids at recess.

he really seems to love school and he isn't really bothered by all this excitment.

i'll let you know if there are any changes. THANKS to everyone for caring and offering such great advice.
post #50 of 53
I am glad the adults are going to keep an eye on your little one. Hugs for both of you.

Originally Posted by Finch
Why do we hit people who hit people to teach them that hitting is wrong? : : : :
: Owen's aunt (his dad's sister) spanks her almost 2 year old frequently (she's been smacking his hands since around 6 months old and has now gotten up to "spanking" him harder and harder). Every time I see her she complains about how *E* is hitting other kids and she doesn't know why and she can't seem to get him to stop. She actually took him to the dr last week to ask the dr what is wrong with him and how she can get him to stop hitting. I just sat back in amazement when she told me this. Wow. How can someone be so blind? I've suggested over and over again that maybe it was because *she* was hitting *him*. She says that's not why he's hitting and that she needs to spank him to teach him who is boss : Funny how whenever I watch *E* he never hits. The moment his mom comes back to get him he turns into a little monster. Hmmm.... wonder why.
post #51 of 53
Thread Starter 
StephandOwen, wow! That's exactly how it is with my best friend and her children.

In fact, everyone I know that is a parent is like that, except for my husband and I...and my parents...

is why i like it on this board.

seems like all the other chat/discussion websites are also like that.

it seems so obvious.

i guess it isn't.
post #52 of 53
I don't know if the OP is still around in this discussion, but I wanted to suggest talking to the principal about making the school a no hitting zone for parents also. I just started at a local Headstart program and they do this and have signs posted that say that corporal punishment isn't allowed and teachers are willing to give age alternative suggestions for discipline. I have heard that the schools are starting to change how they do discipline so maybe that would be something your school would take into account. It may or may not mean that a child doesn't get spanked but hitting shouldn't be allowed at school.
post #53 of 53
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone.

and thanks katallen, i will totally do that!

i'll keep you posted.
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