This thread could go under Working Moms, Single Parenting, Learning at School, The Childhood Years, etc... so can we just please leave it here. Thanks.
A few weeks ago I went to my dd's school's open house.
While there, I got accosted by one of the member's of the PTA. Here's how the conversation went. Her tone of voice is falsely saccharine sweet and patronizing.
Perfect PTA mom: Hey, the sign up sheet for the various events and activities is over there, so make sure you sign up for something before you go.
Me: Okay. Thanks.
Perfect PTA mom: We need to see a whole lot more of you this year than we did last year.
Okay, before I continue with this conversation, I should offer some background. My dd goes to a magnet school. Magnet schools in my city are supposed to be a step above the every day public schools, most have a specific focus like fine arts, language, math and science. In our case, its a public Montessori school. You have to either lottery or test in, depending on the school. My dd lotterried into the school she attended last year and attends this year. Its a great school, we're really happy, etc.. Its also pretty far from me. I do not have a car and I take public trans everywhere. Depending on which method and route I take and the time of day, etc.. It can take me anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to get there. Okay, back to the conversation.
Me: Yeah, I would really love to be more involved, but I work full time and I live on the other side of the city and its really challenging.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, we all have our challenges. (says the married, stay-at-home mom who lives within walking distance to the school)
Me: Yeah, we do. But ya know, a lot of the meetings are in the morning or in the afternoon, both during times that I have to be at work. (they do like maybe every 5th meeting in the evening which maybe amounts to two or three a year)
Perfect PTA mom: Well, you could certainly make it to the evening meetings.
Me: No, I really can't. My daughter goes to a sitter up in my neighborhood after school and I have to pick her up by a certain time.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, just bring her to the meetings.
Me: Well, that's not really the problem. The problem is that by the time I get from my office to the sitter and then back down here again, the meeting would be over.
Confused look on Perfect PTA mom's face
Me: I don't have a car. We're on public transportation. It takes me about an hour to get to the sitter and then it would take another hour to get down here.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, there's cabs, aren't there?
Me: (trying very hard to not tell her she must be one of the most out of touch with reality people I've ever met considering that a cab ride even one direction would be $20.00) I really would love to be more involved. I've just really not been able to find a way to make it work for my family.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, I noticed you didn't even make it to Family Reading Night last year. I mean, this is really important stuff that your daughter is missing out on.
Me: Yeah, thanks. We'll work on that. Bye. Nice seeing you.
What the ever livin
! you very much lady.
I was so tempted to get mean. On of her kids is in my dd's class (and was last year). He's apparently very disruptive and aggressive to the point where I know there was discussion about whether or not this school was the best place for him. I soooo wanted to say to this lady, "So, what kind of steps is your family taking to address your kids' behavioral problems? I hear he's pretty disruptive." I know.. snarky and mean. I only thought it. I didn't say it.
Who knows what challenges this woman has. I mean, just because she's married, stays at home with her kids and seems financially very comfortable, does not mean that her life is perfect or even good. Trust me, I know that, but seriously! "We all have our challenges"???? Yeah, walk a week in my shoes and then see where the you fit in the PTA meeting! I spend 40-45 hours a week at work. I spend at least 15 hours a week waiting on/riding public transportation. And I am this child's ONLY parent. As in the other parent is dead. As in, there's no one else to pick the kid up in an emergency, much less for a PTA meeting. Yes, I'm defensive. This is a sore spot for me. I would genuinely like to be more involved. I genuinely think it is an important part of my dd's educational experience to have me be involved in her school. It pains me that I'm not. I wish there were more hours in the day. I wish the PTA wasn't run entirely by married stay at home moms who plan 80% of their meetings and other school events during the school day. I wish I had a car. I wish there was another parent to help me navigate all of these logistics. But there isn't and I'm doing the best I freakin can, which I personally think is pretty damn good.
So Ms. Perfect PTA Mom, I make myself feel like well enough all on my own. Why don't YOU go deal with YOUR kid and your family because making me feel worse about it than I already do isn't going to accomplish anything for anybody. Actually, all that it accomplished was that I feel more alienated from the PTA than I already did. Quit looking down your noses at me. I'm doing the best I can.
I just felt really attacked and am feeling really snarky over it.
A few weeks ago I went to my dd's school's open house.
While there, I got accosted by one of the member's of the PTA. Here's how the conversation went. Her tone of voice is falsely saccharine sweet and patronizing.
Perfect PTA mom: Hey, the sign up sheet for the various events and activities is over there, so make sure you sign up for something before you go.
Me: Okay. Thanks.
Perfect PTA mom: We need to see a whole lot more of you this year than we did last year.
Okay, before I continue with this conversation, I should offer some background. My dd goes to a magnet school. Magnet schools in my city are supposed to be a step above the every day public schools, most have a specific focus like fine arts, language, math and science. In our case, its a public Montessori school. You have to either lottery or test in, depending on the school. My dd lotterried into the school she attended last year and attends this year. Its a great school, we're really happy, etc.. Its also pretty far from me. I do not have a car and I take public trans everywhere. Depending on which method and route I take and the time of day, etc.. It can take me anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to get there. Okay, back to the conversation.
Me: Yeah, I would really love to be more involved, but I work full time and I live on the other side of the city and its really challenging.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, we all have our challenges. (says the married, stay-at-home mom who lives within walking distance to the school)
Me: Yeah, we do. But ya know, a lot of the meetings are in the morning or in the afternoon, both during times that I have to be at work. (they do like maybe every 5th meeting in the evening which maybe amounts to two or three a year)
Perfect PTA mom: Well, you could certainly make it to the evening meetings.
Me: No, I really can't. My daughter goes to a sitter up in my neighborhood after school and I have to pick her up by a certain time.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, just bring her to the meetings.
Me: Well, that's not really the problem. The problem is that by the time I get from my office to the sitter and then back down here again, the meeting would be over.
Confused look on Perfect PTA mom's face
Me: I don't have a car. We're on public transportation. It takes me about an hour to get to the sitter and then it would take another hour to get down here.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, there's cabs, aren't there?
Me: (trying very hard to not tell her she must be one of the most out of touch with reality people I've ever met considering that a cab ride even one direction would be $20.00) I really would love to be more involved. I've just really not been able to find a way to make it work for my family.
Perfect PTA mom: Well, I noticed you didn't even make it to Family Reading Night last year. I mean, this is really important stuff that your daughter is missing out on.
Me: Yeah, thanks. We'll work on that. Bye. Nice seeing you.
What the ever livin
! you very much lady.I was so tempted to get mean. On of her kids is in my dd's class (and was last year). He's apparently very disruptive and aggressive to the point where I know there was discussion about whether or not this school was the best place for him. I soooo wanted to say to this lady, "So, what kind of steps is your family taking to address your kids' behavioral problems? I hear he's pretty disruptive." I know.. snarky and mean. I only thought it. I didn't say it.
Who knows what challenges this woman has. I mean, just because she's married, stays at home with her kids and seems financially very comfortable, does not mean that her life is perfect or even good. Trust me, I know that, but seriously! "We all have our challenges"???? Yeah, walk a week in my shoes and then see where the
you fit in the PTA meeting! I spend 40-45 hours a week at work. I spend at least 15 hours a week waiting on/riding public transportation. And I am this child's ONLY parent. As in the other parent is dead. As in, there's no one else to pick the kid up in an emergency, much less for a PTA meeting. Yes, I'm defensive. This is a sore spot for me. I would genuinely like to be more involved. I genuinely think it is an important part of my dd's educational experience to have me be involved in her school. It pains me that I'm not. I wish there were more hours in the day. I wish the PTA wasn't run entirely by married stay at home moms who plan 80% of their meetings and other school events during the school day. I wish I had a car. I wish there was another parent to help me navigate all of these logistics. But there isn't and I'm doing the best I freakin can, which I personally think is pretty damn good.So Ms. Perfect PTA Mom, I make myself feel like
well enough all on my own. Why don't YOU go deal with YOUR kid and your family because making me feel worse about it than I already do isn't going to accomplish anything for anybody. Actually, all that it accomplished was that I feel more alienated from the PTA than I already did. Quit looking down your noses at me. I'm doing the best I can.I just felt really attacked and am feeling really snarky over it.
s. What a dork.
I would have been snarky. I'm sorry, I can't resist being a smart ass when someone acts like that...like they know it all, they're perfect, and that you are just a loser when they have NO.FREAKING.CLUE. what you're going through. We all have our challenges. Yeah, we do...so BACK OFF.
: You handled it way better than I would have. I would have started ranting!
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