What if you are Vegan and Spouse Is Not? What does Toddler Eat?

[mama-mukti]

Just wanted to get a feel for how some of you "handle" the following:

I am vegan and my spouse is not. He loves meat. He really isn't into dairy, though. We both kind of cook for ourselves. I make a grain/legume and veggie dish for all of us and if DH feels he "needs" to supplement then he makes an additional meat dish for himself. The issue is our DD. I assumed she would be vegan as well - but DH says that he should be allowed to offer her meat b/c that is his lifestyle. She is 14.5 months old, still nursing, and eats a varied vegan diet. He has given her aproximately 2 bites of chicken and tuna (!!! - another issue entirely - mercury content!) for the past three weeks. Okay, she loved it. I freaked out at first - but then I realized that parenting involves two people and that I only recently became vegan so I can't judge. I also know that the more I *push* an issue - the less progress I will make. DH did draw the line at beef. And he only gave her organic, hormone-free, antibiotic free chicken.

What happens in other households?

[mama2annabelle]

Well our situation is a bit different since I have been vegan for several years before DD was born. But DH and I agreed to raise her vegan until she's old enough to make her own decision about it. What age that will be I don't yet know. She's only 7 months now so it's not an issue yet. Luckily for me DH acknowledges that my vegan diet is much healthier than his omni diet and that's why he wants her to be raised vegan. Now only if he would give up the spare ribs and chicken wings....

[Quirky]

I haven't faced this issue yet with dh as ds is just shy of 8 months but I know it's coming.....I'm a vegetarian (lacto-ovo), have been for 12 years, so dh knew what he was getting when he married me. He doesn't eat red meat, and we're vegetarian at home, so he only eats poultry and seafood when we're out or at someone else's house.

I'm pretty sure he's going to agree that ds will be vegetarian at home, since that's what we do as a family, but the rub will be when we eat out or go visit family - dh doesn't see why we should prevent ds from having meat in those circumstances.

To me this is a huge issue - I'm not religious at all, but I have very strong ethical beliefs about being vegetarian, and I want to raise my children vegetarian. DH doesn't have any ethical hangups about eating meat (he doesn't eat red meat for health reasons) and complains that I get my way in every other lifestyle and parenting choice, from which laundry detergent to use to co-sleeping, and so I think he's going to try to draw the line on the vegetarian thing.

Guess I'm in the same boat, also looking for suggestions/advice on how to handle this one....:

[lilyka]

Even if you let them have meat now it is quite possible that they will follow your lead and choose to become vegeterians later. it isn't like they will get it often and so they may not even like it when they do get it. In the mean time set a good example and educate your chidren.

if it is really important to your dh to offer them meat then i think he should get some say. It is his child too. Maybe set up some comprimise (they can have meat A but not b c and D and you can offer but not insist or she can have meat only on sundays when we eat at grandmas)

[Erin Pavlina]

This is a problem faced by many vegan families. While doing research for my book, Raising Vegan Children in a Non-Vegan World, I interviewed families in "mixed marriages" where one spouse is vegan and the other is not, to find out how they handle the diet of their children.

There's an entire section in the book that covers all the options that these families have adopted, from:

1. Kids eat vegan at home and whatever they want when out with their non-vegan parent.

2. Kids are raised vegan and the non-vegan parent is supportive.

3. Non-vegan parent cooks for him/herself but the kids eat vegan always.

Etc. In the book there is a discussion of how to handle this situation in more detail than I could post here.

If you're interested, check out the book at http://www.vegfamily.com

Good luck to you! It's a tough situation to be in.

[sagewinna]

I am vegan, DH is not.

We only have vegan stuff at home. We eat at home 95% of the time. DH and the kids do eat meat when we eat out or are at a gathering that is not vegan. The kids understand what animal the meat comes from and they understand why I choose not to eat it. DH came into our lives when my younger child was almost 2, and they do eat meat at their dads house... It's hard for me that they eat things I consider unethical and unhealthy, but perhaps when they are older they will choose to eat like me.

I am wondering how it will work with the little one I am expecting. If I had my way, the new child would be vegan too, but I don't think that is realistic if everyone else gets to choose for themselves. *SIGH* So, I will take it one day at a time.

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

I am vegan and my dh is not.

My dd is only 8 mo, but I plan to be pretty laid back about the whole vegan/food issue. Dh does make himself meat in the house when he wants to, but I do most of the cooking and shopping. This means most meals are vegan. I have heard that kids tend to have the same food preferences as their parents (or whoever makes the meals), so I imagine dd will grow up liking veggie fare. I like the idea of dd never tasting meat, but really I don't expect that. I don't want to make it into a "forbidden fruit" for her. I will serve her vegan foods, and may "indoctrinate" her a bit as far as why I don't eat animal foods. If dh gives her a chicken nugget, though, I won't push the issue. I don't, however, think dh would feed her animal foods if I've already made her a vegan meal. We will discuss that more as an issue of eating that which is prepared for her. I know she will eat it when she goes to friends' houses. I hope she will make the decision for herself when she gets older.

[Chelly2003]

Neither my Dh or I are vegan.
My son choose's not to eat meat, he just doesn't like it. By that I mean red meat, he'll have a bite or two of chicken, and he does like fish.
Its kinda strange to ME, but I let him eat just his veggies if thats what he wants, I can understand that if you don't eat meat it must be really hard to see your children eat it.
Your DH and you should have a heart to heart and decide what you both feel is important, and most of all STICK TO IT. Perhaps you could explain to him how all their nutritianal needs are being met, and that they don't really NEED meat, it will make him feel more comited.
Good luck!
Chelly