I've had it!

[Laurel723]

I opened up our mail last night and my husband has spent-on two credit cards, one of which has 15.99% interest!: -$281 less than what I made last month, including all my overtime!

:

So I told him I was going to cancel all the credit cards because I hate those stupid things, and all they do is give a bigger shovel to a man who is digging himself into a hole, he says, yeah "we-WE(!) need to quit using them! I am the worst one" Well, Duh.

I could tell he didn't take me seriously.

Would I get the bad wife of the year award if I called and cancelled every single of those stupid things?

We are scrambling to make ends meet, and he spent nearly $700 on paypal! On one purchase! Of all the stupid things to do. And, don't forget, we have a baby due in, oh, 6 weeks, and I have been able to get exactly nothing-no clothes, no breast pump, no nothing. Our savings account balance is $0 because his last paycheck bounced.: Don't forget I'll be off work for about 6 weeks to boot! I have been living and going to work in hand me down and too small or worn out maternity clothes for the last 6 months because we can't afford to buy them, haven't had my hair trimmed since the first of March-again-saving money!-and he blows that kind of money on- I don't even know what on! Nothing that we needed, I can guarantee you that!

I am about ready to take all the cards and kill them, give him $20 a week allowance (if he's lucky), and that's it!

Then, I'm going to sign him up for Shopper's Anonymous. I mean that.

I don't know what else to do. Short of dumping his sorry hide. Which I really won't do because I still love him very much, even though I don't really like him right now: How can a grown man of 40+ not be capable of understanding that money in < money out = trouble?

He's an emotional spending. Depression or stress = spend money to feel better. How do I fix that? Can I fix that? I'm so stressed about this right now that I am literally sick to my stomach. We got a home equity loan about a year ago to pay off our credit cards-which we did-and now he has promptly filled them back up again. I've been so busy taking care of Dad and trusting him to pay the bills that I didn't realize what was happening, and trusted him to keep his word that he wouldn't use them.

Sorry this is so long. I really need some help.....

Help!!!

[oldcrunchymom]

You can't fix his depression/emotional issues all by yourself. But you CAN cancel the credit cards, which is what I would do. And watch the mail for incoming credit card offers. My aunt agreed to let my uncle cancel her credit cards (due to her out-of-control spending) and then promptly applied for more w/o his knowledge and racked up $60K MORE in debt in less than a year.

I think the Shopper's Anonymous thing is a good idea. When you don't have things you need for you and your baby, and your husband continues to spend absurd amounts on frivolous things, it's time for outside help.

[wendygrace]

Hey! Are you married to my dh? J/K. My dh is the same way. Thankfully, he got smart one month and handed over all his CCs to me and said "hide them". We got him a grocery card to buy groceries with only. I took the CCs and I didn't cancel them but I did tell him that we are at the max on each card and he can't use them. I now do the bills. He doesn't get his grocery card every day either, btw. We are also working on setting up an account for him that I would deposit money into each month for him to do with as he pleases but that scares me a bit. We shall see.

BTW, dh is also an emotional shopper. Thank goodness I'm frugal but I do want to throttle him when he purchases soem $200 "toy" for himself and we need to have the walls painted in our house!

[oneKnight]

Originally Posted by wendygrace

Thankfully, he got smart one month and handed over all his CCs to me and said "hide them".

My hubbs told me this BEFORE we were married!!!! He tends to "nickle and dime" money away if he has the power to do it with a CC or debit card - cokes and snack food at work mostly.

He signed up for a debt management plan that helped cut the interest rates tremendously. All of those cards were cut up. His name is on one of mine as a 'joint' thing and he knows where to get it in an emergency, but he doesn't carry it around to tempt him. He isn't allowed to have cash, he told me he didn't want any because he would only spend it. He told me he didn't want a debit card for our joint checking account, writing checks forces him to write it out and realize what he's spending.

Not only did his spending habits decrease, so did his weight problem

Since my dh knew he had a problem, admitted it, and wanted to start fixing it before we got married it hasn't been an issue for us. Your husband will also have to get to that point where he WANTS to change. Mine would be resentful if I tried to make him.

[EarthyMamaofDaisy]

I am going through a similar thing with my DH. He keeps stealing my credit cards and charging them up. (We are totally poor by the way) So I cut them up and hid them but he just taped one back together again and kept using it. So I told him I was going to cancel the ones that had no balance and store the others at my parents' house while we pay them off. We are only going to use our debit card to buy things with money we already have, from now on. I told him he has to be honest with what he uses it for because I write his child support checks and if one bounces he immediately gets arrested. That is a great incentive for him!

As for needing baby stuff I don't know if you qualify for WIC they give out free breast pumps. If you're working they loan you a Medela and if not working they give you a hand pump. Also a great place to buy kids clothes is off Craigs List and Ebay. I have been getting stuff for my daughter there.

[oneKnight]

Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy

We are only going to use our debit card to buy things with money we already have, from now on.

I said that. Then I kept having problems with paying things with Debit cards or Checks and then you can't ever get your money back if something goes wrong.
You can dispute the CC charges and there are special rules about them, but you can't un-cash a check, and those special CC laws don't apply to "Visa debit cards" (they should IMO).
I use my lowest interest CC to pay for almost everything except groceries, then try to pay it off with the same money that I would've used on the debit card. Trick is to anticipate the bill and not spend the money on something else.
This may not work for your situation since your DH is spending money that you don't have, but it is something to think about.

[miss_sonja]

Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy

So I told him I was going to cancel the ones that had no balance and store the others at my parents' house while we pay them off. We are only going to use our debit card to buy things with money we already have, from now on.

You can cancel the ones that have balances. You'll still need to pay off the balance of course, but you can close the account. Then, it can't be used to buy things with.

[Laurel723]

Ok, so I need to recant some. $800 of the charges on our card turned out to be fraudulent. Which, in a crazy way actually makes me feel better! (How sick and wrong is that?) We bank with Wells Fargo, and the Fraud Dept called a couple weeks ago because someone tried to get 2 Western Union transfers, which they shut down, thank goodness, but apparently that was after they spent $750 on Paypal and another $60 on a dating website: Now I really feel like because I landed on him without getting his side of the story. Though, in my defense, he didn't really help himself any by saying hey wait a minute I didn't buy that stuff,or anything, so I guess I won't feel too terribly guilty. :

I hope they catch that guy. I hope he burns in hell.

I'm still going to cancel our credit cards though. This is just another reason why I should.

(I still feel really stupid for just assuming. But (still trying to justify it) his behavior in the past made this a realistic assumption. Maybe it'll wake him up a little? I hope?)

[BabyBumblebee]

You can't help him with his poor spending decisions, but I absolutely would be sending back those cards and making sure that he couldn't get any more - it sounds as though he's in a really bad place, and his decisions are sabotaging your family security.

p.s. is there anything specific that you need for your new babe? I seem to have quite the stash of odds and ends built up - PM me if you think of anything.

[CerridwenLorelei]

you can try and put an alert

on your credit reports so that they have to call
and verify that the cc's have been applied for. That way you may be able to intercept if he applies again and put a halt to it..

[msjd123]

This is EXACTLY what DH and I are going through right now. I had no idea other people's DH's were similar; somehow I thought impulse and emotional spending tended to be more of a women's thing. (And I'm a feminist, I swear! : )

About two weeks ago, DH handed me his credit card and came clean. It was not a pretty picture, and I was NOT happy, but I think he did the right thing by giving it to me. We also immediately closed his PayPal account because that's his weakness. We're going to have to hack away at the debt slowly but surely, but it makes ME feel better just to see that other people's DH's have done things like this.