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Running Mamas Sprinting into September - Page 3

post #41 of 997
Thread Starter 
Poppy, I don't know that I'll have very good advice, and I'm sure you've probably already said/done some of this... but I'll take a shot at it anyway...

Maybe modeling as much as you can that it's OK to make mistakes, that that's how you learn, especially when you are young. Although in bowling, you could emphasize that strikes are kind of like a special bonus, and you still get credit for however many pins you knock down. In other words, him not getting strikes does not equal a mistake.

Anyway, maybe something like a messy party, or mudpies, or doing some activities that don't have a right/wrong and where it's OK to get dirty, etc.

Maybe another idea would be to work on helping him change his negative "self-talk." I know that is something that DH's counselor has worked on with him. It would be like helping your DS to replace his self-critical thoughts with something more positive.

I wish I could say more but we have a bedtime tantrum developing here and I think I'd better go see what I can do to ward it off... I will be thinking of you Poppy.
post #42 of 997
thanks eksmom. we have tried some of that, but it's always good to hear someone else's words on the topic. we have always had to talk about everything being ok if it's not perfect and to have fun with it and how not to let it feel like a mistake, etc etc

i had not considered the messy/mudpie party before because he can't stand to get messy! i mean, he's still a kid and plays outside and gets dirty, so he's not entirely disfunctional. but i can tell getting stuff on his hands bothers him. i will give your suggestion a try for sure.

we did get this book and i think we'll read it again. he gets that he has anxiety and worries and he liked the book

*sigh*

just to clarify - we don't let him use knives, nobody around here has behaviors that would point to this sort of talk from him [we mildly questioned him about if he heard a friend say that, but he says he just made it up]. it was kind of 'in the moment' thing, like he was feeling this then just said it. i still don't know what to think

shanti - raising kids is tough i think you had a reasonable response and it seems like you could have a conversation with this woman and say that it seems your dd's are just incompatible. maybe not taking full blame and not making apologies will lead to some frank discussion about her dd.
post #43 of 997
Poppy, my DD also tends to have perfectionist ways. I spoke to her teacher about it and she suggested something similar to what eksmom said. We also stress that WE make mistakes, or that something is hard, etc. This seems to be particularly important for her. She gets really frustrated when donig new things and it doesn't go well at first. Still working on helping her with that. Funny, I have perfectionist tendencies and DH gets frustrated with new things too. Our kids are here to heal us, if we let them.

I think the weather zapped all my energy today. Really struggled getting through work.
post #44 of 997
poppy and shanti - I don't know what to suggest because I'm not a child psychologist and we experienced what you're describing. However, I definitely think that modeling behaviors you want to see and making sure not to inadvertently reward negative behaviors can help. In the case of the perfectionist, sometimes people beat themselves up to get reassurance and avoid being in reality about how good/bad they actually are (not perfect). For example, if I say "I'm hopeless at writing", then anyone who cares about me will most likely say "No you're not, you're a great writer, look at your paper x." So, by beating myself up, I've gotten praise. Alternatively, the person who cares about me could say "I'm sure that's not true, but like everyone, you probably have some things you need to work on. How could I support you to work to improve your writing?" This response helps me be in reality about where I stand, and also know that despite not being perfect, someone still cares enough to want to help me. Obviously you want your child to know you always love him and would be sad if anything bad happened to him, but you can also help him understand that most people are imperfect at most things, we all have things we need to work on, you love him no matter what, and you're happy to help him in any way you can. Just a thought... I'd still worry about the self-harm statements, though, so I don't know how to help there

geo - It was awesome running and catching up with you, meeting Elliot and your parents, and seeing Karen & Phil again. Elliot and Galen were so cute playing together Made me miss our Saturday playgroups in A2! I'm so glad we have this list to stay in touch and you have a regular excuse to come to the bay area

I'm sooooooo tired now. Did a brick + family grocery shopping outing this morning instead of a normal long-run. My knees and ankles have been sooo unhappy after my recent long runs. I figured maybe multi-sporting would be easier on my body, while providing the same aerobic benefit. So I biked 5mi pulling the Burley trailer, parked the bike at the park near the grocery store, then ran 9mi. The biking felt really slow, but the run felt great til I ran out of accelerade 2/3 of the way through. Then met the family at Trader Joe's (they got there on the train), grocery shopped, picked up a couple of things at the bike shop, and biked home with E and all the groceries in the trailer, while DH and G rode the train home. All very fun but exhausting! I think after this 1/2 marathon, I want to train for an olympic distance tri. I'll be totally slow on the bike because I only have an errand-running hybrid and no budget for a fancy tri bike, but oh well. I wish you could rent speedy tri bikes just for the race!

Tomorrow we're taking the train to SF early, so we can meet a friend for brunch, then go to the aquarium. So I must get to bed NOW...
post #45 of 997
Thread Starter 
Hey Poppy, looking at that book you linked to just reminded me of something... one of the counselors at the place we go to runs a group for "Kids Who Worry." I think her group is for ages 8-10 but I wonder if there would be something similar to that for kids your DS's age in your town? I don't know too much about it; the reason it popped into my head is because there is a sign about it on the door that we exit from and that door is right by where you make your next appointment.

Shanti - to you. I think you are doing a good job of handling the situation. Does your friend know that her DD has broken some of your DD1's things? If you can keep the lines of communication open maybe an opportunity will present itself to discuss her DD... but what do I know... I would be totally hesitant to get into that territory in a conversation... good luck, mama. I will be thinking of you.

HBM I guess we can start the eggplant countdown! How was dinner?

Welcome missbliss!

Well, I fell asleep putting DD to bed, and just woke up and had you mamas on my mind so I came out here to post.

I did run 7 miles today (well, yesterday - Saturday); took a 3 minute walk break in the middle and I just didn't have the oomph I ought to have but I did it. I expect I'll be sore tomorrow, but I'm going to try to get in my first post-surgery bike ride.

I had a credit at the running store so I went and got a running fanny pack water bottle holder thingy and some new Body Glide... so I'm still in this thing, right? I definitely think too much about my running; I was all nervous and anxious and weirded out before I got started on my run today. I kept thinking about the quote RM posted and it helped.

On the DH front, he seems to be better, and I am back to stuffing it all down and trying not to think about the things that upset me. Plady, you were right... it is somewhat about avoiding depression myself. Someone in this house has to function, and I finally figured out that's why I've reacted the way I have. If I let myself feel too much, especially regarding the state of our marriage, I get really upset. I slept on the couch the night after he barely spoke to me when we had some free alone time... I was so down and out the next morning I didn't want to go to work, didn't want to shower, basically would have been fine not moving off the couch for the entire day. I can't feel like that day in and day out, you know? So most of the time I avoid opening myself up for opportunities to get disappointed... basically I'm protecting myself from him which I guess makes it kind of hard to support him at the same time.

We are going to be doing some individual counseling for a while with the same counselor. His next appt is Tues. and mine is Wed. We are back to polite roommate status until then.

OK, I think I'll head back to bed... nighty night.

ETA: I am nearly to the point of having a crafty FO (finished object)! I have knitted and blocked all the pieces for a baby sweater for a friend... and she's not due for 2 more weeks (er, I have Christmas 05 presents that still aren't finished : ). But... I've never made a sweater before and the seaming isn't going well so I think next week I will have to make a visit to the yarn store and see if those ladies can help me.
post #46 of 997
poppy - we have a book called "Tips for Parenting Your Anxious Child" that was put out by the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. It has been very helpful for us with dd. Our copy was just loaned to us, otherwise I would offer to send it to you.
post #47 of 997
thanks everyone, really this helps me a lot. i do feel like we are not modeling frustration or perfectionist behavior, but maybe there is something i am not aware of and i need to look out for. this is definitely the first time it has reached this level, so i want to read up, maybe find a counselor or play therapist for him...

shanti - will try to track down that book, thank you

wawoof and eksmom - those are some good points thank you for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully

we're headed to mammoth caves with the kids today, then on to louisville to visit family, back tomorrow.

hbm : how you doing?

post #48 of 997
Poppy and Shanti. No words of wisdom just you are in my thoughts.

Ran a little over 9 miles yesterday but it started to rain midway and honestly I was tired of running in it after 3 miles of feeling like a drowned rat. Could have gone longer. Maybe will try for 11-12 on Monday with this lovely holiday weekend. I waffle between really wanting to run this 15 mile trail run Sept 23rd and just not worrying about it. It will be cutting it close mileagewise. Really I am in really concentrating on losing weight mode and have finally found the right amount of calories consumed/calories burned ratio to sustain losing. The more mileage I put in the trickier it gets. So I guess if it happens great, if not next year. There is a 1/2 marathon the week after the trail run that I might run instead. I trying to enjoy running/biking/swimming after putting in 3 months of training my butt off. I was starting to resent the time spent and that's not good.

Going to swim today maybe 3 miles running if I have time.

HBM
post #49 of 997
Is there anyone here close to dayton ohio that can run 7 easy/flat miles? One of our people had to drop out of our leg and if someone can run that on sat sept 16th.... PLEASE??? It will NOT be competitive so even if you need to walk it would be okay...I just don't want to give this up...anyone??
post #50 of 997
Poppy and Shanti- Mama'ing is a tough job, isn't it?

No eggplant last night-after a very busy day the girls just weren't restaurant-worthy. We're going to try again tonight...I'm finding myself at a strange point where I know I could have a baby any day now, but it still seems so far off.
And we're skipping church this morning to avoid the multitude of questions and to let dh rest and get well. :
post #51 of 997
poppy and shanti~ I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like the mamas here have some awesome advice/help. praying for you and your little ones. It is soooo tough when you love them so much and just want the best for them. I never knew parenting would be so difficult. It's sooo rewarding, that part I knew, but not to the deep extent that I feel it now, but also so heart wrenching at times.

I have wondered if I have lost friends over ds1's behavior, but no one has been as open as your friend was Shanti. as Eksmom said, at least the lines of communication are open in your friendship.

I had an awesome friend, until ds1 spit water in her dd1's face(I think in his eyes, he was playing a game and not being malicious). then her dd1 spit water in my ds2's face. she was horrified that her daughter spit on my son and upset that her daughter "wouldn't have done it had she not seen the behavior modelled by your (my) son".

I did not know that ds1 had done that or I would have interviened immediatly. And when I did find out I was very upset. I tried talking to the friend about it trying to work through it, as it was not behavior that I wanted to see in my children so hopign that she would know that and we would be able to work through it. We are not close anymore and it is very hard and sad.

well, I started this several hours ago and forget my train of thought at this point. sorry!

HBM~you are doing great, you'll meet that little one in no time at all now. hope you are able to enjoy the last days of your pregnancy, feeling that little one inside you is such a special thing! the excitment of meeting them on the outside is so fun too!

my back is still hurting from where the doctor pushed on it. I'm okay with the waiting, I've put it in God's hands, and in a few short days, I'll now which route to take. NOrmally I would take this opportunity to let myself go, so to speak, but I am driven to work on the other areas that need attention too. I'll keep up the yoga (if I'm allowed), and lift for my upper body every other day. I'm also going to work on the pilates for my abs every other day. I'm also working on Christmas items and baby gifts. So, I know I have a lot to keep me busy. I'll re-evaluate my goals when I can get back into running, whether it's Wednesday afternoon ( ) or several months from now.

Feeling in a good spot about this right now. Not going to let my eating get out of hand either. Been really working on only eating when I'm hungry, not feeling like I have to finish everything that's on my plate, eating a lot more fresh foods, drinking less coffee and more water. Normally not being able to run would send me in a downward spiral. It's three weeks today.

okay, off to finish cleaning and get a shower. to you ladies!

Lisa
post #52 of 997
: Abby's back! Yeah!! I'm looking forward to more tales from the rural Maine country roads.

to all that need it. We deal with so much emotion in our little kids. I've got my own worries with Karen, and seeing her play with other girls her age, I fear the 7th grade for her. I'm seeing it and reliving my own horrible experiences. Any good book recommendations on helping daughters weathering the queen bee effect? I'm seeing pretty clearly that Karen will be taken down by it very easily, and I'm not certain how to help her at this point. All you have to do is be nice to her for a few minutes, and it doesn't matter how mean you get, she'll obey. : I watched another girl order her around and tell her she was "in jail" at the park the other day. When I talked to her about it, I told her she didn't have to play with someone that was being mean, and she said that the girl had been nice and she just wanted the girl to like her again.

My mom's 60th birthday party was last night. Lots of fun. I'll post pictures to my blog when I get a chance.

BBM, I don't know that I can do 7 miles at this point. 4 I can do. I haven't run 7 in more than 2 years.
post #53 of 997
poppy - first of all, to you and your ds. let me think about this during my run later, and then i'll pm you. most of the stuff that is immediately coming to mind is for older ones, so i'll have to think a bit more.

shanti - to you and your dds too.

ok - geo, this is your official warning - do not read the rest of my post. if you do, it is at your own risk, ok? :


























so i'm out on my 15 mile run (in the remanents of tropical storm ernesto) yesterday. it was a crazy day around the homefront with the weather and ds being sick/crabby, getting shopping for dh done (needed a suit for next week's wedding), and dd throwing up in the car on the way home. then, while lying down for a nap, ds flipped out of his crib (into dh's lap so it was ok) so we had to take the side off, put the bed rail on and start that whole round of fun and games. anyway, i didn't leave for my run until 5pm. it was GREAT - by far, one of the best ever - totally in a zone. i'm on a road between two main roads - not much of a shoulder, but not a middle-of-nowhere country road, either. this dog starts barking at me (not a hey-there-how-are-ya-dopey-lab kind of bark either) and running across its large front yard, owners are at the entrance to the garage and aren't doing anything, so i am thinking/hoping that there is an invisible fence. i stop anyway, because i don't want it to think we're chasing. and no, no invisible fence - it runs across the street at me - making two cars squeal to a stop in either direction (recall the POURING rain?) - and stops about two feet from me. at this point, i am worried for both of us - i don't want to be hurt but i don't want this guy to get hit by a car either - since the owners STILL aren't calling him back. so i put my hand out to let him smell me, thinking that will keep him interested and not running into traffic and also not be threatening. well, he bites my hand and runs back onto his property. the owners have noticed the goings on by this point and are calling him back, but no one is making any effort to come to me - and i don't want to go onto the lawn bc they didn't have him by the collar yet - and i didn't want to be perceived as a threat again. so i'm trying to wave them down from across the street, and as one women catches the dog and starts hitting him, this other guy casually starts loping down the drivway. i asked if the dog has all of his shots bc he just bit me and they guy says, "oh yeah, he's fine." : no he's not FINE. anyway, i take off down the road again, trying to call dh to come get me bc my hand freaking HURTS and by this point is bleeding a little more than i'm just a little. and he doesn't answer the phone. : so i run the three miles home - he calls me about a half mile from home, but i can't hear him bc somehow i've managed to turn the car headset setting on. and in the process of him callin gback three or four times (remember the rain?), i manage to drown the cell phone. it works, but there is no display. : so lisa, we're going to cingular to see if i can get a charger for that phone we were talking about
post #54 of 997
kate mom - I hope you reported the dog. That is not okay. I hope you're doing alright now.

Geo - it seems now she wants to walk it. : It's going to take forever to walk 7 miles. We'll never finish. I'm slower than molasses in january now...then someone walking 7 miles. Then someone else who runs about 13 minute miles for 7.5. Then my buddy who's the competitive one of us...running the final 6.7. Urgh. I cannot even imagine when we'll be done.
post #55 of 997
Kate~mom-OMG! That is scary! What totally irresponsible pet owners. : How is it now? Dog bites really scare me. Promise to keep a close eye on it and to have it looked at if it becomes at all suspicious.

And I hope your dd is feeling better. There's not much worse than puke in a car.
post #56 of 997
oh, : forgot the end of the story. so i had to go to redicare last night anyway to get a mantoux test read for work, so i have them check out the bite - turns out i have to complete all this paperwork for the county, they're going to send a sheriff out for documentation of its shots, etc. and get back to me. AND i have to go on antibiotics, get a tetnus booster (not covered by insurance), and pay the copay for the visit and a followup on tuesday. so i'm going to be writing a letter to these people, kindly requesting reimbursement for my out-of-pocket expenses - since i was nice enough to bill what i could to my insurance rather than sending them the entire bill
post #57 of 997
kate~mom~ oh my gosh!! I hope your hand is okay and not hurting too bad!! how scary for you and so awful of those pet owners!! I sure hope at the least they help cover the cost of the bills. geez. so glad things turned out with the cell phone the way the did and now you have a back up!!
post #58 of 997
Oh. My. God. I can't believe those pet owners. It is probably their fault that their poor dog is that agressive and out of control. They probably beat it and encourage the agressiveness. I am SOOOOO glad that a sheriff will be going to visit them! I'm pissed. Either they need to keep their dog contained, or the dog needs to be put down. I hope your hand is okay... I know how badly dog bites hurt. I'm so sorry this happened to you!
post #59 of 997
Yeeeowee K~M! (thanks for the warning on the post : Like a rubber necker, I got my cup of coffee and read every word) I'm glad that the urgent care visit triggered a sheriff visit. I can't imagine being an owner of a dog that bit someone and not doing everything possible to see that you were ok and got care. Ok, I can never imaging being an owner of a dog at all...

My sister is taking me to her boot camp tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.
post #60 of 997
Hey Running Mamas! You are all so inspiring!!!!

I have been trying to get started running and it has been slow-going due to various difficulties. The latest has been pain in the back of my left ankle where the achilles tendon is. Sometimes it shoots up my calf. I got a new pair of shoes and have been doing yoga every day, plus I have been walking for at least 15 minutes before starting running. When the pain is worse I need to walk as much as 45 minutes. Basically, if it's hurting I keep walking until it stops hurting. Then I run.

I have been using this plan to give me an idea of how to start running. I have changed it a bit. I do a total of an hour exercise when I go out. So right now I walk for 15, run for 15, then walk for 30 minutes. For the walking I do 15 minute miles. It is unbelievably difficult for me to run for 15 minutes!!!! And I go really slow! I am hoping it will get easier soon.

QUESTION: Do you save your running shoes just for running? I
was going to do this with my new shoes, but they feel so good I have been wearing them all the time. Also, do you keep track of how many miles you put on your shoes? Or do you just get new ones when it starts to feel like you are running on cement? Or do you have some other system for knowing when to replace your shoes? I want to make sure I don't set myself up for more injuries.
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