The September almost-4 tribe!!! - Page 4

[Unreal]

ummm: :

we bribed ds2 to stop nursing.

He gets a quarter every night he falls asleep without nursing (he still holds my breast though)
And a quarter for every time he gets through the morning without nursing

:

I just couldn't take it anymore.
He was throwing temper tantrums in the morning if ds3 was nursing and he had to wait. I had bruises and welts from trying to hold him off while letting ds3 nurse. Totally uncool situation.

Actually--what saved me was that ds3 and I both got thrush, so we told ds2 that he couldn't nurse while we had that...AND that he was going to get the quarters

We still struggle--lsat night he wanted to nurse and was starting to fight with me about it.

I wish he were the type of kid that I could nurse sometimes and not have it turn into an all the time thing that he is entitled to :

[eilonwy]

Bean's very understanding, and that helps; when I've got sore nursies, he understands that I don't want to nurse. If I'm tired, or Bella is upset, he can easily accept that Bella gets priority with the nursies because she doesn't eat anything else. He's willing to let go of the nursie in favor of something else, he knows that I hate being late to appointments and will get dressed, etc. We do have a few (very few!) rules about nursing, and he can accept them: no nursing with naked buns (I'm just not comfortable with that anymore); Bella nurses first; no biting & no popping off (if you let go, that's it); be gentle. That's pretty much it. He's very careful not to bite, and he's really very polite about it all, so...

It's very funny to me, because he's such an independant little fellow in so many ways. He prefers to sleep on his own matress now, or on the floor rather than in bed with us, for example. Sometimes he seems very grown up to me. :

[DecemberSun]

Originally Posted by MamaFern

these days have been kind of hellish with elwynn.. im not sure if he is going through a phase or a midlife crisis or what (sometimes i call it his mid day crisis)

he is so friggin GRUMPY! he gets mad about everything.. whines when i dress him...feed him....look at him...anything..im hoping it doesnt last too long because i feel like hucking him out the window or making him live in the play house in the backyard. i know im grumpy sometimes and it rubs off but ive been trying to be more positive and playful and its not working. im at a loss.. he used to be such a sweet boy and i feel like hes a totally different person these days i feel like its my fault or ngaio or something in our lives thats not noursihing him.. but i dont know what else i can do.. im so worn out. i just want to have one peaceful carefree day.

Zachary goes through phases exactlt like this. He is just so defiant and argumentative, and just plain difficult. I have no idea what to do about it, and I can't really pinpoint a reason, but it just seems to be his thing. He is so good when he wants to be, so sweet and kind and loving. He says the most interesting and thoughtful things, and he is so cute! But when he decides to be difficult it is just plain CRAZY around here!!! :

Fern

[Mona]

rynna- see, k is not rational like Bean. I ask her why she wants to nurse, and she says she just does. I can not have a conversation w/ her really about it. maybe i'm not putting enough effort into it. however, i never really have been able to rationally talk w/ her about somethings. hrm.
i'm feeling insecure as a parent right now. i think i need to stop posting hehe

[abranger]

[QUOTE=Mona]
has anyone done night weaning but not day weaning?

[QUOTE]

I night weaned GA at 15 months using the Dr Jay Gordon plan 'Changing The Sleep Pattern In The Family Bed'. I think it would work even better with someone k's age. Day weaning has been totally GA led for the most part. Sometimes like this morning on the T (subway) I told her no Generally now she only nurses about 4 mornings a week and maybe once a week at night (and night time schnickies are literally 3 seconds DH says she just wants to make sure it is still there )

[jillmamma]

Matthew nightweaned at 21 months by having DH go to him (he was in his own room by then) when he woke, and just stay with him till he went back to sleep. Now he is nursing early morning (he comes in my room and climbs in bed with me to nurse when he wakes up), before bed, and sometimes one other time during the day if he really seems to need it. The baby still nurses on demand and gets up once or twice at night to nurse. That would be SUPER hard if I had to get up with TWO of them!

Our MAJOR accomplishment this week is finally wearing underwear during the day, and doing awesome keeping them clean and dry for the most part! It is as if it just suddenly "clicked" with him, and now he is going potty!!! Still doing a pullup at night, but this has made my life a LOT easier!

[tea olive]

hello everyone!
don't fret abt official "clw", mona. any weaning is simply weaning. my definition of weaning is - pretty much no chance of nursing even if offered on a low note. for me, weaning is like potty training - it is back and forth with no absolute.

it is a pain though. what i hate is that once they are not totally nursing for calories, the latch changes and i have big problems with body boundaries and politeness.

not pain enough for me to forbid it though. one night last month i got so aggravated with ruby nursing on and off and talking, even after i turned off the light, cos dh was at work very late, and i finally just left the room and let her howl - yes, i let her cry it out. i did it one time with clay before he was two when i was very pg with ruby. and i find out that yes, i can do it, but i don't want it bad enough to continue it.

daytime weaning.....sounds like time to go visit the zoo and run errands all day adn make cookies and plan horribly fun things to do to break the cycle.
yknow, this is a case where funny bullseyes or very bitter tastes can help you out. yes, you can fib and just say you are sorry things are weird and not own up to causing the change. this is gentler than getting irritated and feeling guilty about saying no.

[DecemberSun]

Originally Posted by tea olive

it is a pain though. what i hate is that once they are not totally nursing for calories, the latch changes and i have big problems with body boundaries and politeness.

I find this to be so so so so so so so so true!

Good ideas, as always Casina.

[XmasEve]

Wow, nursing, I'm kind of jealous! Dd1 weaned when I was pregnant with #2. I had not expected my milk to dry up ("what, me, a supermom, lose my milk? never!"), and she never really had an interest in it after the baby was born. I felt/feel bad about it, but also like I dodged a bullet : . It was so hard to lose our crutch, our one surefire thing... but I cannot imagine waking in the night to nurse her : . On some days of mothering, personal space is like a holy grail.

So, Mona, I'm sorry, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm impressed. Just keep in mind it's not all rosy on the other side. The best thing I've found to replace that special nursing connection is doing workbook pages together while the baby naps. Dd loves it, so it's great, but not quite cuddly, yk?

[saritasmile]

Oy, all this talk of nursing...I got razi to stop a few months ago (cuz it was just killing me) by telling him he could nurse when the baby comes (and the milk) and I'm having serious regrets! when i look at him, i'm just done, and he's not, he can't wait and talks about it regularly. i just feel like i'm crazy to have gotten him to stop and now i'm going to start all over?!?!
well, mona, no advise but here's a hug

[saritasmile]

Originally Posted by XmasEve

saritasmile, what school is this? How did Montessori not work out? dd is in Montessori and I am quickly learning that "Montessori" can mean several different things... she and I are on opposite pendulum swings about it

well, hmm, how do i make this not too long, lol! basically some of the 'rules' just didn't work out for razi. Like the fact that any parent who dare step into the kids area was totally chastised (in front of the kids in one instance-not mine) she was just really rude to razi and I when he wanted to show me his painting when I came to pick him up. and the 5 day rule. 5 days at school is too much for razi but there was no negotiating that. the new school is so much more relaxed and parents are welcome in the school at any time (as long as they aren't being disruptive). there philosophy involves good nurturing relationships involving teacher, kids, and parents.
I had quite a few other complaints about the montessori school that were more specific to the teacher as well. other people around here absolutely love it. i guess you have to try things until you find what fits right. razi seems to be doing really great at this school so far (keeping my fingers crosssed) although he gets really upset when i come to take him home, lol.

[DecemberSun]

Sarita the new baby will take up so much time on the boob that Razi won't have a chance to get in there and he might lose interest. And if he doesn't just keep it to a minimum, YK? Couple of sucks, ok Mama's done. It has worked well for Zachary, who was a boobaholic. He seems satisfied with just a quick latch, but actually now that I think about it he hasn't even asked for the bobby in about a week!
We put our house on the market today. And we made an offer on a house today too. It is in town, which I am really getting scared about, but this new house does have a lot to offer. I will miss my big country kitchen and my garden tub the most. I am hoping the pool, spa, and fruit trees will make up for it at the new house. I like everything about the new house except the kitchen, which is teensy tiny. Anyway, just rambling... Getting nervous about selling this house but excited at the same time.
Heading up to WA tomorrow, so I probably won't be online for a few days. (Sarita and I will get together and drink Virgin Margaritas together.) My bro only has dial-up so I won't post but I might be lurking. It will be nice to only have two kids to deal with!

[majazama]

(haven't had time to read all the new posts yet..)

But I wanted to say, lisa, it's soo hard, I know. I weaned haeven at 2 1/2, and she sounds just like what K is like, super-duper attatched to the boob. I might have nursed her longer, had samaya not appeared. I never regret weaning her, though!!! I might regret *how* I weaned her, doing it very slowly, and I would get all angry sometimes, stupid young mom I am. But I'm so glad that she's not hanging off me all the time still. )I'm already starting to get irritated with sasa's nursing : )

I think CLW is a good idea, in principal but every family, momma and baby is different. Our kids are so lucky to nurse as long as they do, compared with some babies who don't get to nurse AT ALL!

You know what? Haeven asked me for "my milk?" just tonight, because she couldn't have the regular milk. : That was a first time in a long time.. I just said no, honey, I'm sorry. (I really don't want to get that started up again)

She is extremely healthy, so I don't see my milk doing any good for her right now, aside from comfort, which she can get without latching onto my breast. She got plenty out of me. She was a hugemongous baby, and toddler, and is probably the biggest of all the kids on our tribe (don't have proof, but she's just so huge)

Hope the journey is not too hard.

[tea olive]

i'm having a hard time being subscribed.

unreal, i really enjoyed your very real post.

i have never had any luck with talking abt nursing or minor distractions. it is hte main reason i never sat down for all these years.
they are going to feel entitled to nurse.

[Mona]

thanks for all the replies.
hrm. i dont feel good about tricking her into weaning, bc i assume there is something she needs w/ this, yk? i do try to stay really busy, yeah. of course that helps, but i also need to sit down occassionally, lol. and the thing is, when she is ranting about wanting it, after a fall or whatever, she will follow me around crying. this child is stubborn- it could last 15 min or longer. it just seems fucked up. sigh

luckily, even tho i have no milk, she has a great latch, and she opens wide, which i taught her early on. so i can't complain of any pain, although i do say that to her sometimes just to distract her or whatever.

here is what it comes down to i think. for some strange reason, i feel that i've failed as a parent bc she still needs to nurse. i know this is messed up, but....
this child is so tenacious, and yet so sensitive. it is a difficult balance.
Jaz, i have a feeling K is a lot like H.

hahah, k just walked up to me w/ a packet of condoms, saying, i have to give these to dada. :LOL

ok, thats enuf for now

hugs and love,
lisa

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Mona

here is what it comes down to i think. for some strange reason, i feel that i've failed as a parent bc she still needs to nurse. i know this is messed up, but....

Not at all! If anything, it means you've *succeeded* as a parent. Your daughter looks to you for comfort, for security, for succor... It's a good thing! She wants to nurse maybe because she's not able to articulate what's really going on in there, but she's trying to maintain her connection with you. You certainly haven't failed!!

(Look at me, talking like I have experience, when my eldest child won't even be four until November. )

I've got to take BooBah to see the doctor today, and I have to get some blood drawn (mine, not BooBah's for a change). BooBah will probably be shocked when we don't go into the pediatric room to have the blood drawn.

[**guest**]

Hope you all don't mind me subbing to this thread again.

Ds started preschool recently but I'm not having a good experience with it. Have to call the preschool coordinator now to have a little chat. Sigh.
Sure wish there was a good public school in this town.

[tea olive]

i am sorry to hear about everyone that has school woes. i guess at least we all have choices about it??? i'm just trying to cheer myself up there. i just keep telling myself it could be worse.

mona, i totally agree with rynna. it is not a failure at all that k wants to nurse again. the question is how you feel about it all.

they are at the age where.....well, i would refuse to hear it with reed since he was first.....they will test you to every limit. yes, manipulate. in their own world, that is called learning, or growing up. they will keep asking and asking depending on their personality to above and beyond our limits of aggravation, because they are looking for a boundary. ages 3-4 can seem very hard because it is a shift from babyhood - follow their cues and you can't go wrong, very much a physical game, to now a mental game, where we have to assert ourselves as the mammas, and yes, dominant, and yes, in charge. it is respecting their childhood that we will not give them all and too much information. it is respecting their limited understanding that we can trick and deceive and lie lovingly for less screechy results or impending insanity for mammas. being tricky is called having help so we don't have to act like the big bosses we are. it is always better to make a situation so i don't have to say, "because i said so" though i have to say that sometimes too.

i'm lecturing again because mona, it sounds like she is using nursing to make an interesting game to play with you, to learn and try to understand every parameter there is about you. i have done it and done it and am still doing it and nursing is a bad place for me to have anything beyond nicey nice. i strongly feel you need to set your own terms in what you are completely comfortable with, and just allow that. my kids continue to poke every wound and weakness i have, especially something like this which will relate to your selfconfidence as a mamma because you have ideals and mixed feelings abt nursing she has no understanding about. you are going to have to find your own limit, or decide to rediscover it for now. i know that when i quit worrying about stuff and what other people thing, sometimes it is really just fine with me. mothering is not about agonizing what we are doing. and, yes, i do lots of it, i'm just trying to give good advice!

[MamaFern]

anyone know whats up with the yahoo group? it says there are no files or messages.. is empty,....weird.

[majazama]

Originally Posted by MamaFern

anyone know whats up with the yahoo group? it says there are no files or messages.. is empty,....weird.

I deleted it all ............fresh start.