media abscence and starting a Waldorf household

[eastkygal]

I am new to the Waldorf philosophy though in many ways I have had it all along, and just didn't know about Waldorf. I began life with our daughter implementing the no TV rule. I adhered to it until I became a WAHM. Then, it became nearly impossible to get anything done, and even before I never could clean or do any of my own work while dd was awake. She couldn't seem to entertain herself for any amount of time and needed my constant interaction. So, when it was imperative that I get things done, I began allowing her to watch TV. PBS is all the children's programming that I have allowed because it was commercial free. I did this as a last resort and I'm still not comfortable doing it, but I don't know what else to do. We don't have cable in our house, but TV crept in anyway. My husband and I are movie fans for their "literary and artistic" value, so I'm not willing toput up the TV. However, I am willing to turn it off. Now, how do I help dd learn to play without me right by her side all of the time playing with her? I'm not expecting her to do this for hours - just 30 - 40 minutes at a time. And she can interrupt me during those time, I just need to be able to consistantly work. I can't just quit my adult responsibilities because that would be a disservice to her and me. Can anyone help? I'm not looking for criticism as I am trying to change things, and will no matter what. I just want advice, encouragement, and ideas.

We will be starting the Waldorf parent/child program at our Waldorf school this Thursday.

[Deborah]

Hi Eastkygal,
Welcome to the Mothering waldorf forum. You have two different problems. One is helping your little darling to learn to play by herself and the other is to find time to do your own work. From what I've seen, children can learn to play alongside while their parents do certain kinds of activities, but other activities will always be interrupted (well, almost always). For example, in my experience most small, mobile children can't stand it if their parents are reading, talking on the phone, chatting with other grown-ups for more than a few minutes or working on the computer. On the other hand, most children can learn to play alongside while their parents are doing laundry, cooking dinner, making beds, doing yard work and so on.

So, a starting place for getting her to learn to play alone, is to set her up with some toys she likes and place yourself nearby doing something constructive like weeding the garden or hanging clothes on the line. If you can give her a little digging tool so she can also weed, and some clothespins to play with it will make it all better. Bring her into the kitchen while you make dinner and give her pots and pans and wooden spoons to play with on the floor. She'll gradually begin to get the hang of amusing herself, especially if you severely limit your availability as a baby amuser/distractor. Choose particular times when you hang out together and do things together that she can't do alone--finger games, sing songs, play music with a drum and recorder, read her a book or tell her a story. Make your times together something different from playing children stuff. My daughter once commented to me that she is not her child's playmate, she is her mother, and both of her children are good at amusing themselves. They do expect their grandparents to play with them and this is appropriate within reasonable limits. Grandparents are supposed to play with grandchildren

On the how to work at home with a small child...I don't know. As I remarked at the beginning, most little kids can't stand for their parents to be engaged in that sort of stuff where they can see them. Once they get older, it is fine. I had my own business starting when my daughter was about 7 and it was no problem, but I don't think it would have worked when she was under 5.

There is one exception and that is if you have the kind of business where you are doing something concrete: cooking food, sewing, growing and processing, milking cows. Kids can see activities of that kind as needing their parent's attention where a computer or a typewriter makes no sense at all!

Good luck!
Deborah

[eastkygal]

Thanks Deborah. I guess part of my problem is my work requires computer and phone time. Phone time more than computer time. I started out not working at all, but now that we have decided on a Waldorf school and trying to simplify our lives a bit, it is requiring me to work at least part time to afford tuition and paying off some debt (credit cards) from college. I have a great business and it is a very fulfilling line of work. I'm just having trouble finding that balance without the TV's help. Do you think that as I teach her to occupy herself as I do domestic chores, that may translate to when I have to work as well? I guess the only thing I can do is try. Thanks.

[Deborah]

One method my daughter used (besides working during nap times and after bedtime) was hiring a mother's helper to hang out with her daughter. This was a 9 or 10 year old girl, paid a bit less than the usual babysitting rate, since all she needed to do was play.

If you can set it up so that your daughter is in a different room with her toys she might be more tolerant of you being on the computer/phone.

Deborah

[spinspin]

I really feel for you, as every mom knows what this is like.

At my house, we have one audio recording of children's voices singing nursery rhymes. It is an Orff recording from the 60's (I know, not that helpful of a description) but it is 30 minutes long, and DB finds it engaging.

You could also experiment with video taping yourself or a grandparent reading a favorite story. Perhaps you can try the medium without letting TV characters sneak in? PBS may be the best broadcast choice, but perhaps there is something you can do that is even more personal...

My suggestion of using video is actually quite anti-waldorf, but sometimes we need to take partial solutions to arrive at the goal. At my house, we gave away our TV, and DCs didn't notice. However, I am fortunate to have a babysitter for a few hours each day, and I completely realize that it allows me to bypass the issues you are describing.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Rhonwyn]

There is a no tv for children tribe here. You might try posting there for ideas on how to combine work and young children.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...198764&page=27

Here is the thread.

[Heidi]

My son is close to your daughters age so I know how active they can be!: We did the parent/toddler class in the spring and found it to be a wonderful support. DS has been completely TV free ever since. I have found that if I can just get through his "boredom" state there comes this window where he will become very self entertained (granted he has had a nap and is not hungry) for about 45 minutes. We just make his playroom full of things he can entertain himself with (picture books are great!) This book has been a great source of inspiration for us Alternatives to TV Handbook
by Marie McClendon I remember one thing our parent/ toddler teacher told me when I said DS was going to be TV free. She said, "You will be so thankful you did. He will be able to entertain himself thus making your life easier." I have certainly found this to be true. Hope this helps! Heidi.

[zinemama]

I second the mother's helper idea. Try your local middle school. Mine started with us when she was 12. She played with the kids downstairs while I wrote upstairs. It was perfect and cost very little.

As for the tv, my advice is to just cut it off. Your dd will find a way to amuse herself, really, she will. Keep the tv upstairs in your room so you and dh can watch movies, but make it unavailable to dd.

I grew up going to a Waldorf school, but my parents didn't own a tv even before that, and I've haven't had one for years. Dh and I watch dvds on the computer and the kids don't (yet!) know this. But I fully understand the lure of tv. If I had one in the house, I know I'd be tempted to use it, just a little bit here and there. For myself, I know it would become one more power struggle, one more thing the kids were pleading for, and I just don't want to go down that road (though I know others who can navigate it no problem). But since it sounds like you really don't want your dd watching tv at all, I would just make it unavailable and let nature take its course.

[eastkygal]

Thanks so much for your input!