Links for MIL

[annettemarie]

My MIL is "concerned" about homebirth. Personally, I think too bad and if she wants to learn more she can google, but DH thinks the loving thing to do would be to send her some links. What are the best resources for the drama-inclined?

[shalena]

I like this one: http://www.gentlebirth.org/ronnie/homesafe.html

[caned & able]

How about the fact that most women did give birth without hospitals for 10,000 years of human life on this planet? We would not be sitting here discussing this if out of hospital births were not safe on even a mediocre level. All of our presidents up to Carter were born at home. It is simply a change in culture and attitude that changed, not women or childbirth.

Was your MIL or her mother born at home? Surely she knew someone who was born at home.

[BelgianSheepDog]

There was that article on MSN about the rise of midwifery in the US a few months ago...there were a couple threads here about it maybe someone still has the link.

[annettemarie]

Links would be great, thanks. To tell you the truth, I have absolutely no desire to engage her in conversation. It's not her decision to make and the woman has no filters between what she thinks and what she says.

[ABand3]

here's one I like
www.nchomebirth.com/art-safety.html.

My DH surprised me by handling his mother's worrying by doing his own search and compiling articles for her... I wish I could find a copy of that email for you, it seems to be gone.

[BelgianSheepDog]

Honestly for "concerned" relatives I don't think that they need research so much as an attitude adjustment so I don't blame you for not wanting to try talking to her. We sent articles and statistics to my MIL along with a description of the training our midwives went through, but she kept saying the same thing over and over again, it just went straight out the other ear. She WANTED to be "concerned" because in her opinion we're idiots, so she just kept on singing that tune. I think a lot of relatives can be like that.

[annettemarie]

Thanks for the links! I think I'll send them to DH to send to her. I'm too tired to deal with her.

[mary3mama]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

What are the best resources for the drama-inclined?

Very well put. That would describe my MIL as well!

[zoebird]

when my MIL says that she's concerned, i thank her for her concern and assure her that i'm capable of making informed dcisions that are right for me and my family.

[annettemarie]

Well, I sent these to my hubby who can pass them on or not. I have no desire to enage a woman whose response to my pregnant was a repeated "But I don't understand how this happened." I was sooooooooo tempted to get graphic.

[BelgianSheepDog]

LOL, I would have said (with a bemused smile) "are you REALLY not sure? Because if that's the case, I know of some good books that explain it..."

(We got "was this planned???" from all four grandparents, puke.)

[MelanieMC]

I'm like you annettemarie, I wouldn't care one bit what my mil (or anyone else for that matter) thought. I used to have tons of homebirth links and I accidently deleted them (along with all of my midwifery links! : ) a month or so ago. Really, no matter how much info. you give her she'll still worry.

Melanie

[AllisonR]

It's really easy to say it doesn't matter, or I just don't care what so-and-s thinks. But when it is YOUR mom, isiter, SIL, MIL... it DOES hurt. I could say it is my dad's problem if he says "this is the most selfish thing I have ever heard in my life. You will kill yourself or your baby... bæah blah." Yea, the comments are idiotic. But it still hurts. You know sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me? Well, names do hurt.

Annettemarie, your MIl sounds like as much of an idiot as my dad. If it will help you, avoid talking to her about it, cutting her off with "this is between DH and myself" or something similiar. I just avoid talking to my family about birth. I am hurt already, I don't want to be more so. You're right, common sense would be to not even get into it with her. If people have slight differences, sometimes common ground can be found. But if views are so far apart, it is difficult to find a middle ground, because you aren' even talking about the same thing.

[velcromom]

I agree that some people refuse to be informed, but if you think she might really benefit from doing some reading here's an article that might be a good start - they say this is the printable version but it looks like a pretty hard font to read, especially for someone a bit older, so you might want to copy it into word and change the font before you send it.

http://www.marsdenwagner.com/fishall.html

[ZeldasMom]

I am sorry she is being a pill. My own mother was weird when I told her about my pregnancies. And then she got even weirder when I chose to have a homebirth ("I'll be praying for you every second!!!" and then after the birth she said "You survived!").

If you go to my midwife's web site and click on safety on the left side of the screen there is some info that might help. She has pics of the equipment she brings, which could be reassuring to some folks. Here is a blurb:

A qualified midwife carries first-line response equipment and treatments similar to those found at any community-level hospital. These include IV equipment and fluids, anti-hemorrhagic medications, oxygen for both mother and baby, a bag and mask to deliver oxygen, doppler ultrasound to assess fetal heart tones, and an established system of medical collaboration and transfer. I and my assistants are regularly recertified in neonatal resuscitation and CPR.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!!!:

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by velcromom

I agree that some people refuse to be informed, but if you think she might really benefit from doing some reading here's an article that might be a good start - they say this is the printable version but it looks like a pretty hard font to read, especially for someone a bit older, so you might want to copy it into word and change the font before you send it.

http://www.marsdenwagner.com/fishall.html

I haven't seen this before--thanks for sharing!

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by ZeldasMom

I am sorry she is being a pill. My own mother was weird when I told her about my pregnancies. And then she got even weirder when I chose to have a homebirth ("I'll be praying for you every second!!!" and then after the birth she said "You survived!").:

ZeldasMom, yuck, your mom sounds exactly like my mom. Esp. the praying for you stuff, not only is it insulting to me, but to religion as well. How do you reply? I wish I would say "Do you know how insensitive and disgusting your comment is?" But I am always in such shock that I don't say anything.

[ZeldasMom]

Originally Posted by AllisonR

ZeldasMom, yuck, your mom sounds exactly like my mom. Esp. the praying for you stuff, not only is it insulting to me, but to religion as well. How do you reply? I wish I would say "Do you know how insensitive and disgusting your comment is?" But I am always in such shock that I don't say anything.

In the case of my mother it would be more shocking if she said something quasi-appropriate, so at least I am expecting it when she says that stuff. My mother isn't just weird about birth, she isn't a very nurturing person in general. I try to only talk to her when I am at my best and prepared to deal with her. I don't get into big discussions with her about the issue when she is being negative about something imporant to me. I mostly don't respond and keep a light tone to my voice and move on to something else, like what her book club is reading or something like that.

Sometimes when I am feeling really up to it I respond to her with statements like "when you say _____, I feel_____." I don't see my mother as having much capacity for change though, so I rarely do this with her and try to be charitable about her limitations.