Coping with sending my baby to Daycare

[KarenP]

Hey everyone! Great forum! I've been a lurker for quite some time now.

My daughter will be starting daycare on 9/11 and I will be returning to work on 9/13. I am absolutely dreading it. I don't want to work and my husband doesn't want me to either -- we both swore we would never put a child in daycare... but I'm covering our insurance. It's really frustrating because once you figure what I pay for a vehicle, car insurance, gas, child care, etc. there's nothing left out of my paycheck. But if I were to quit, health insurance would take a huge chunk out of my husband's salary so we'd be right back in the same boat (me having to work).

How did all of you handle returning to work? I'm seriously getting really depressed about the whole situation -- the thought of missing out on firsts, etc. And I know there's no way she's going to get the attention she would be getting from me. When I toured the daycare before she was born, some of the infants were asleep in their car carriers in cribs. It reminded me of baby jail or something. I'm just absolutely heartbroken about having to send my child there. I mean, it's a good daycare... I have several friends who have children there... but I can't help but feel horrible about having to do it. Did any of you go through this??

[Noah's mommy]

I go through it all of the time. I have a really hard time balancing everything and I get very emotional about it all. It does get easier (I'm just heading back to work now though-I'm a teacher-so it seems REALLY hard) once you get into a routine. I really like our provider though and that makes it much better. I know she loves my kids.

[eirual]

I was feeling VERY anxious about sending my now 9 mo old to daycare (he starts F/T tomorrow) until I visited a TON!! I really got to know the DCPs and see them with the kids. My first impression of the one DCP was that she was pretty removed- but after seeing her interact with the babes I realised that's just how she is (when her face is relaxed it's pretty flat and serious) and she's fabulous with the kids and knows them and their personalites well and is very entertaining and caring. She asked lots of questions about my DS when she thought of them and was very receptive to my questions about the centre and everything.

SO ya- visit, visit, visit!!!!! If it still feels wrong after a few days of visiting find a different DCP!

I find myself actually looking forward to the change of pace now knowing he'll be in good hands and feel very comfortable with our arrangements!

[Lucky Charm]

When my older kids were little they went to my grandmothers, so I really didnt feel "bad", as i was very close to her (she died two years ago).

When we had babe #3, I was an hour away, so I had to use daycare. I found a licensed in home provider after interviewing 25. She was amazing. But, we were in such a bad spot that I absolutely positively had to work, so because I had no choice and my back was against the wall, it made it a bit easier.

Besides, I worked at night, leaving me home at least 4 days a week (the other three i slept until 2pm, when I picked him up).

My son was almost 3 months old, so he really didnt fuss...I pumped, and he was drinking expressed milk from the bottle anyway (so I could sleep at least one night a week), so we had no issues there.

In some ways, the only one who had the issue was my dh, as he felt tremendous gulit that his paycheck wasnt enough. We later sold our house and moved. I took a year off and then only worked weekends days, and ocassionally Monday night, and we used no daycare at all.

I so understand the benefit problem.

[kewb]

For me the first month was the hardest. After that everything clicked. The routine was set, I knew exactly how much time I needed to get ready, to get ds ready, etc.

I also have a wall of my cube plastered with lots and lots of pictures.

The first week, I cried. A lot. Fortunately my boss and co-workers were supportive of my blubbering as they had gone through this as well.

If you have confidence in where you are sending your child it does get easier. As for the firsts. Arrange for your day care provider NOT to tell you any firsts. The first time I saw it is when it counted as first. Plus, when I thought about it, there are lots of firsts all parents miss during their childs lifetime. We are not there 24/7. For example, if you send them to public school there is a whole bunch of firsts there. First time you leave them at a friends house to play-you are bound to miss something, In the big picture firsts are just not so important to me as long as I get to see what it is at some point.

[mummytastic]

Congratulations....
You are perfectly human!
I went back to work PT (3 days) when my 1st daughter was 6 weeks old and then FT at 11 weeks. I cried probably every day the first week, feeling that when I was at work I wasn't being a good mother and when I was at home with my daughter I wasn't being a good employee. Of course the hormones didn't help much with the emotional rollercoaster either. Stay strong, remember that you are doing this to provide a better standard of living for the whole family and it does give you a balance (which you can't appreciate early on). As everyone starts to adjust to the routine, things get easier.
I spent as much time with the daycare as i could, which helped a lot.

[coobabysmom]

Noah's mommy wrote

For me the first month was the hardest. After that everything clicked. The routine was set, I knew exactly how much time I needed to get ready, to get ds ready, etc.

Exactly my experience in making it work!!! Also, I when I drop off & pick up ds up I nurse and an ask a million questions about ds and his day.

What made it easier for me is the happy smile ds has every morning when he sees the care providers and the care providers open and loving response to him...

...

[themamamama]

Well, this is a timely thread for me -- my son is transitioning to a daycare for the first time this week. Yesterday was the first day, I stayed with him there for 4 hours, and it was so awful. He's in an infant room (although he's almost a year old), and all the non-mobile babies were stuck in bouncy chairs, staring at blinking lights all day long. I played with my baby there all day long, and the teachers barely looked at him.

Like you said...

Originally Posted by KarenP

It reminded me of baby jail or something. I'm just absolutely heartbroken about having to send my child there.

I feel exactly the same way. He's there today without me because I have no other choice but I honestly don't know if I can send him back on Monday. I'm thinking about breaking our contract with them and looking for a nanny or quitting school or something, because it's AWFUL. Maybe it'll get better but I just can't imagine how two caregivers in charge of seven babies can possibly give my son anywhere near the attention he needs and deserves.

Okay, sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread, just suffice it to say, yeah, I'm going through that too. :

- Melanie

[guestmama9916]

It reminded me of baby jail or something. I'm just absolutely heartbroken about having to send my child there.

I visited several daycares when I was looking for one for my infant son. I know I had the same feeling about several of the places I toured. However, the daycare we utimately chose did not feel this way and they had web cams so I could check on DS anytime. It was a low infant to caregiver ratio, 1:3, so there was a good bit of interaction between the caregivers and the babies. Don't just take your friend's word for it that its a nice place. I had people tell me that the first and second daycares I toured were awesome places but after seeing them, I disagreed. One had a really nice facility but it didn't feel right. The other one was too chaotic in the toddler room and not enough help in the infants room. You need to find a daycare that you are comfortable with. Not everyone is looking for the same things. Definitely hang out at the daycare you've chosen before you go back to work. Sit back and watch how the caregivers interact with the babies. Talk to them about your concerns (how do you handle more than one baby crying, will you feed on demand and rock my baby?) Visit other places so you can compare and don't be afraid to switch daycares. Sometimes you don't know that its a good fit until you've actually tried it a while. Hang in there. It will get easier. Starting a child in daycare when they are younger is easier than when they're in the midst of seperation anxiety during toddlerhood.

Kim

[coobabysmom]

When I toured the daycare before she was born, some of the infants were asleep in their car carriers in cribs. It reminded me of baby jail or something. I'm just absolutely heartbroken about having to send my child there. I mean, it's a good daycare...

Yuck--- I missed this part of your post upon first reading.

If you got a bad vibe from the daycare, then it's not a good place for you and dc. Keep searching for a more AP friendly place... What works for us is a mom (whose very AP and into montesorri) run home daycare with a ratio of 2 fulltime careproviders and 2 p/t cps...

Yes, I do pay more than a daycare but it's worth the individualized attention and loving atmosphere.

[lauren]

Just as a note re: babies in their car carriers---sometimes when my babies were infants, if they fell asleep on the way to day care and it was morning nap time, I would just bring the carrier in and place it in the port-a-crib so that I didn't have to wake the baby. This made a lot of sense to me.

Certainly not jail, just practical!

[SMC]

Will I get over it

Today was my first day back to work and I had to send my 2 month old to day care and it hurts like crazy. When I first dropped her off this morning I was fine, I thought about her all day and I called all day, but overall I was okay. But when I went to pick her up I just broke down. When I got there she was crying and to hear her cry breaks my heart. Hearing her cry makes we wonder how long she has been crying. I tell myself that they will not just let her cry, but that is not helping.

I would love to be able to stay home with her, but we can not afford it. My husband keeps telling me it will be ok, but I don't know. It's not that I do not trust the day care, the staff is wonderful. I have 2 other childern who attend the same day care and they love it. My daughter has been going since she was 12 months (she is now 2) and my son has been going since he was 3 ( and he is now 4). I have never sent any of my childern off to daycare this young. I understand that she is not the only baby, but I hate to hear her cry. At home we do not let her cry, and I don't know if that is bad, or not, because she has to cry a little at day care. I don't know!!!

[ktroia]

Huge hugs to you, mama. I don't go back until January but I'm trying to prep myself for what you are going thru. I can't give you any advice just virtual hugs.

Originally Posted by SMC

Today was my first day back to work and I had to send my 2 month old to day care and it hurts like crazy. When I first dropped her off this morning I was fine, I thought about her all day and I called all day, but overall I was okay. But when I went to pick her up I just broke down. When I got there she was crying and to hear her cry breaks my heart. Hearing her cry makes we wonder how long she has been crying. I tell myself that they will not just let her cry, but that is not helping.

I would love to be able to stay home with her, but we can not afford it. My husband keeps telling me it will be ok, but I don't know. It's not that I do not trust the day care, the staff is wonderful. I have 2 other childern who attend the same day care and they love it. My daughter has been going since she was 12 months (she is now 2) and my son has been going since he was 3 ( and he is now 4). I have never sent any of my childern off to daycare this young. I understand that she is not the only baby, but I hate to hear her cry. At home we do not let her cry, and I don't know if that is bad, or not, because she has to cry a little at day care. I don't know!!!

[jstar]

i went back to work when my ds was 12 weeks old. it seemed insane! but it actually went fairly well. it REALLY helps if you love your job. i realised once i got back to work how much i missed my coworkers and loved to have my adult/professional time. my job is busy and days go by quickly.

of course it was still hard leaving my ds. i went every day and nursed him at lunch. he was never a bottle lover. he was in a room with 8 babies and 2 caretakers. i have to say the squeaky wheels get the grease. and each baby is the squeaky wheel at some point. it may look like a roomful of babies staring at blinking lights but if you see a baby in each caregiver's arms then they are obviously responding. (if, however, you visit....and neither of them are holding a baby or actively warming bottles or something....you might start to wonder). most of the time they have their routines and feed each baby in turn and get them to nap, etc. etc.

my experience was that it was fairly easy from my ds' perspective to start daycare so young. he did not really have separation anxiety until much older. if young babies are fed and held and changed they are happy and so even if they aren't with you (which is optimal) they are still OK! you can still get your lovin in and they still love mama the most. and the good thing is that by the time they reach the separation anxiety 'developmental milestones' they are totally in the routine and it is nowhere near the nightmare of trying to START daycare during one of those ages. by that time they are much more cognisant of mama and new environments and it can be a pretty rough transition. since my ds has 'grown up' in his daycare it has been a consistent reliable part of his life. it also helped that he had 2 caretakers in the baby room who really bonded with him and who he still really loves to this day.

just to add about the separation anxiety part - i went at lunch and nursed until he was ~6 months old. at that point he became more cognisant of me leaving and i decided it was becoming rougher on him to come and go. before that he was just happy to nurse and was not visibly upset when i left. i always nursed him right when i got there to pick him up too. a lot of times he refused the bottle and just waited for mama. hungry little guy.

good luck. i think you have to feel good about your daycare and the people who work there. you will get in the groove and be fine! and your baby will too.