Support thread: Trusting your baby and your body's timing

[littleteapot]

I'm noticing a LOT of people getting very negative even though we're barely a few days into the month. Many of us have another month or more to go, so I wanted to start a thread the likes of which I've seen in other communities.

SUPPORT ONLY!
Vent, complain, cry - but don't put down your body or your baby! There will be no messages of "my body doesn't work", "My body is confused", "my baby will never leave". These things just aren't true!
Help each other stay positive and keep that faith going in ourselves. Don't let any silly dates or ignorant rules break your trust for yourself; you're strong! You're capable! You trust your baby and know your body better than anyone else!

So, vent away, but please be kind to yourself.

[noteworthy]

That's a great reminder, teapot. Thanks! It is easy to get too negative and frustrated at this stage. My EDD is 3 weeks off yet.

[HomeBirthMommy]

Thanks for starting this. I am really anxious this time for my baby to be here. Both of my girls were "late", so I shouldn't be surprised. Yesterday was my "due" date based on LMP, today is based on date of ovulation/conception (VERY sure of this ) and tomorrow is what I chose b/c I wanted to "pad" the date. I do trust my body and my baby and I know it will come at the right time. I am frustrated by so many starts and stops. I've never had this with my other pregnancies. Both times, there was no question-labor started and that was that. This time I've had several episodes of contractions where I thought, "this is it!" only to have them stop. This whole experience is new and confusing to me. I'm really hoping all of these contractions are doing a lot of the early work and will make this a short and easy labor. This has also been a painful pregnancy for me (pretty severe SPD) and I'm ready for my body to start healing.
Thanks for letting me get that out!

[myhoneyswife]

Yay! Apparently my body does know what it's doing, because it *is* doing things without any help from me or any medical people, so I'll go ahead and trust. I don't really care all that much, but I'd prefer babe be born on a Thursday night so that we can have Fri off, and then the weekend. Both of us have to go back to work pretty darn soon after baby is born : (me from home, part time) so a few days would be nice!

I was pondering last night about how exactly my body would *know* when baby was ready : I was thinking, well, maybe it forgot. Ha, not likely, it hasn't 'forgot' to do anything else lately so I suppose it'll not forget to birth my babe either.

I'm 10 days from my EDD, but a 1st time mom, so that puts me at like 18 days from when it's likely that I'll deliver, right?

Cara

[sesta]

Thanks for starting this, a wonderful idea. It is frustrating though getting little signs like the start of contractions that lead absolutely no where or seeing a glob of your mucous plug and thinking could it be today? And of course nothing comes out of any of it.....

This is my third pregnancy and I've never had so much 'action' (mucous plug loss, contractions, loosening of pelvic bones/joints, nausea/vomiting.....) in a pregnancy. Every new thing makes me wonder if this could be it? It's just a really exciting, anxious time....... for all of us I am sure!

[mum2be]

I trust my body and my baby. I'm just super anxious to meet our little one So I'm glad this thread exists.

No mucous plug or Braxton Hicks that I can tell yet. I'm a little over a week away from my due date based on our conception date. I just wish those darn doctors hadn't told me that I'd be likely to go around 37 weeks because my uterus is heart shaped and smaller! That got it in my head that I would deliver around 37 weeks, so I feel like I'm going over my "due date." Oh well...

I'm hanging in there and am getting more comfortable. I went through a bout of horrible back/hip/leg pain. I thought things were starting up, but it has all ceased. Who knows!

[Piper's mama]

Yep...I really enjoy when I have a BH now, even though it can make walking quite a challenge! I love feeling my body hard at work. I do however wonder if my little cervix may have a bit of performance anxiety. She has been through some really painful medical procedures (not related to pregnancy) and sometimes I think she just wants to hide. But she did a spectacular job last time! I was having trouble sleeping last night so I gave her a little pep talk . My uterus, on the other hand, has been having a full on party since conception. I swear it is even more excited about this baby than DH and I are. Talk about ready to go. If my uterus was running this show we would have had a baby already for sure... maybe it will share some of it's motivation with my cervix :.

[clovergirl]

i'll come sit here with you nice mamas. :
i know this baby will come when we're both ready. but this is the first time in three pregnancies that i am sort of feeling done before the baby is. i never really hit that point with either of my DDs, and my first was a full 2wks "late".
i'm going to visit with my midwives today and regardless of how much longer i stay pregnant i don't think i'm going to schedule another appointment with them. which is fine, we've been doing visits on a very relaxed schedule because i'm just not feeling the need for them so often. getting childcare for the girls and driving out there is too much of a hassle at this point. plus it's just a wee bit depressing... it means admitting there's a possibility i'll still be PG next week or the week after. :
and frankly, there's a possibility i could still be pregnant at the end of the month as my due dates were both guesses (my cycles are wacky). but i sooooo don't want to think about that!!! guess i should get comfy with that idea though, huh?

[crazyeight]

i have a legit question. although this is only my second and i have no real ongoing experience with birth and labor i just wonder.
with my first i KNOW when he was concieved and based on that he was 11 days overdue...weighed 8 lbs and grew like a weed. i don't remember if he was covered in vernix or completely clean....i think he was "overdue" but not horribly. we had sex for 3 days straight to get labor to start and only on the 3 day after 6 hours of start and go labor, nothing increasing, but nothing changing we went to the hospital and THEN things started to move along.

can ones body need a "push"? obviously sex was a small push and nothing near induction but i feel that this baby LIKES labor, she is active, moves with the contractions that i have that are more painful...with the bh she just kinda sits in odd positions and it looks so weird!! my body is ready for this, i have dialated and effaced which is the ONLY thing that happened with ds. i have been loosy goosy for months if i get any looser my hips will just fall apart. so does anyone think that some womens bodys/mind combo need a push?

[littleteapot]

Women's bodies don't need extra pushes, BUT... they can be stalled and upset easily by an abrupt change in environment, fear, anxiety or being threatened (if you don't go into labour by X date, I'll induce you!!).
Adrenaline knocks out things like oxytocin and endorphins, but the solution isn't to push your body harder, but rather to respect it. If you don't feel safe, your body may try to stall your labour - after all, how safe would it have been if our ancient selves would give birth in the midst of a life-threatening fight? Instead our bodies wait.

Emotional issues can also cause you to unintentionally "hang onto" the baby. Fear of birth, etc. Any of these things could lead to a longer or harder labour than was necessary.

My first labour, with my daughter, was 44 hours.
I know, without a doubt, that I did this to myself. It did not need to be 44 hours of hard labour. Firstly: I was too nervous about throwing up and actually refused to eat! A car with no gas can't get anywhere.
Then, because hard labour hit in the evening, I'd gone almost 18 hours with no sleep BEFORE labour started... and then did not sleep for the next 44 hours. Sleep is necessary for your body to function. I didn't sleep when I could have (in early, piddly labour) because I was too excited. I really could have used someone to tell me, "Relax! It's just birth!". Just because I have a few real contractions doesn't mean the exciting part of the show is happening right now.
I also pushed my daughter to come out. Not by medical induction, but with my thoughts and my actions. She's VERY stubborn, and very contrary - she hates being told what to do and I'm sure she didn't appreciate my constant hounding to her to come out, come out!

I became very obsessed with my due date the first time, and when it went flying by... well, I wasn't happy about that. Every day I woke up disappointed I wasn't in labour, and every night I woke up praying I would go into labour. This was a really unhealthy way to think!

The next two times I got pregnant I decided: NO MORE DUE DATES! I boycotted them. I frequently forget how many "weeks" I am, I don't keep track, I don't think about it, I don't tell *anyone* (not even my husband) my 'due date' and instead have a due 'area'.
I'll deliver sometime in the fall, when my baby is totally ready and not one minute before!!

Another mantra that really helped me during the whole prodromal labour and endless labour feeling was this: every contraction I'm having is bringing my body closer to birth. Every contraction is needed, wanted, loved - because it brings me closer to my baby. No contractions are 'pointless'; even the smallest step gets me closer to the finish line.
There is no such thing as taking a step backwards in birth!

[sweetpeasmama]

This is the thread I needed to see today. Yesterday I was so sure that it was the day and when I woke up this morning to little to no contractions I was disappointed. All day I have been fighting off a bad mood and then I saw this thread. So I decided to list the things that are positive.

We had a three day weekend with just DS, DH and myself. What a gift to be all together for three days in a row before big changes come!

DH and I had our anniversary dinner early (just in case) and enjoyed it thoroughly!

I am going to be able to have the homebirth of my dreams with my amazing midwife.

I was starting to stress about having the baby here before my DS starts school next week. I was so worried about missing his very first day of school. I have to remind myself that it will work out somehow and to trust that everything happens for a reason.

My mother is an astrologer and reminds me that every person is born with his/her own plan.

My mucous plug came out yesterday which means that my body is doing exactly what it needs to be doing.

My baby keeps moving and snuggling my insides reminding me that s/he is healthy and strong.

I am eating whatever I want including chocolate cake and ice cream.

Thanks for the wake-up call little teapot! There is still so much more time for this little one to arrive!

[LeosMama]

Good thread!

I will labor and deliver when it is time to do so. I can't control when it will or won't happen.

I always say that I am due in late September when people ask when I'm due. As if it's any of their business...different rant. I really do forget when I am due exactly, b/c it's such a silly concept. I am due in late September. That means anytime from mid Sept to early October, I will be having a baby.

My dh has been great about this, too. He is so laid back about all of it and just takes it one day at a time, expecting nothing from me but to grow his child.

[clovergirl]

so.
i'm back from a visit with my midwives and they agree there's a good chance i could be PG for another 2-3wks. my BP is great and it feels as though there's still a good amount of fluid in there as baby is easily moved by palpatation. their guestimate on weight was 7lbs... my other girls were 8.7 and 8.12 so either this babe is smaller, my dates really are off, or their guess is wrong.
i did schedule another appointment for 2wks from today, so we'll see what happens between now and then... i think i may muster up the energy to get frisky with DH over the next few days. can't hurt, right?

[crazyeight]

got back from the mw. good 5 cm and almost completely effaced. baby can't stay in much longer or she'll fall out....(yeah i wish! ) red mucos from the check, some back pain and BH...we'll see!!

[maciascl]

I definatly trust in my body & my baby. But my brain...well it is VERY anxious. DS was born 15 days before my dd (I knew the date of concenption) & now I am only 12 days from my dd (again I KNOW the date of conception) so I am more pregnant than I have ever been & it is really playing tricks on my mind.

I have been having some ctx/bh for a few hours each day, but they aren't super painful yet. I am also still analyzing the tp after each trip to the potty for even the slightest bit of mucus. Nothing yet! plus with DS my water breaking was my 1st sign of labor, so I am paranoid everywhere I go that my water will break. I am about to put some clean shorts, undies & a few towels in the car just to ease my mind.

I am just really ready to meet this baby & even though I am terrified about it I want to start the next phase of my parenting journey.

[myhoneyswife]

Originally Posted by littleteapot

Another mantra that really helped me during the whole prodromal labour and endless labour feeling was this: every contraction I'm having is bringing my body closer to birth. Every contraction is needed, wanted, loved - because it brings me closer to my baby. No contractions are 'pointless'; even the smallest step gets me closer to the finish line.
There is no such thing as taking a step backwards in birth!

I really liked your whole post, thanks.

[HomeBirthMommy]

Originally Posted by maciascl

I definatly trust in my body & my baby. But my brain...well it is VERY anxious.
I am also still analyzing the tp after each trip to the potty for even the slightest bit of mucus. Nothing yet!

OMG-this sounds exactly like me! I'm so glad there's someone else who understands.

[bookwormommy]

This is really helpful to read. I've been having semi-uncomfortable contractions and bloody show for 3 days now, but it keeps fizzling out and I'm having a hard time being patient and trusting. I'll try to remember that each contraction, however "nonprogressive", brings me one step closer!

Erin

[littleteapot]

I was thinking last night... maybe we should start a 'fund' where a few mamas donate $1-$5 out of their paypal, nothing big, just a sort of 'baby pool' and the winner is whoever goes the longest in this DDC! That way you have a really good reason to STAY pregnant. This money could be used to purchase a spa gift basket, for instance, or just be given as cash value in Paypal.

I could also do this in the form of a raffle. I have a hand-dyed, 100% recycled wool soaker I've knitted that no one has bought. It won't fit a newborn, but it'll fit someone a touch larger. If people are interested in this idea, what I could do is start a new thread explaining the "go the distance" raffle and have people buy tickets for $1 or $2. I could draw for it on October 1st or so and then the winner will be announced when everyone in the DDC has had their baby.

PS. Here is the soaker: http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=70200&vid=451 It's size small (10-18lbs or so).

What do you think?

[elanorh]

I really like the idea of a "due date area." Far better than people knowing the exact date. I got my first "So are you still pregnant?" phone call last night, and we're 3 weeks out.

Ina was born 10 days before her due date (but 3 days before when *I* thought her due date should be per conception) .... Which means that this little person could be coming in less than 2 weeks ( ) .... I think I ovulate earlier in my cycle than is "normal."

Anyway, I actually need to relax a bit in the opposite direction. There are so many things I really want to get done (and believe I "need" to get done) before #2 arrives, that dh and I have been hoping for a late baby. Seriously! I'm starting to get a few more things done ... but I've got several more sewing projects to do, some major cleaning projects to complete, Ina's clothes shifted upstairs to her room and baby's clothes shifted into the dresser which holds Ina's clothes right now ... etc. Easily 3 weeks of steady focused work! .... So I need to relax and remember to *prioritize* and realize that I can't have everything ready before baby arrives, I just need to get the Big Stuff done and keep plugging away on the list. The last thing I want/need is a long labor just because my brain/body are thinking, "But, I still haven't gotten the kitchen floor scrubbed, this baby can't come YET?!"

With Ina, I spent the day before she was born getting EVERYTHING done that I had to complete before my maternity leave for work -- I even worked through most of my lunch break (and remember feeling quite snitty at my assistant because I thought she was acting like I'd be delivering the next day, when I was still 10 days out -- she says she wasn't thinking anything of the kind that day, so it was all me) .... Got home and cleaned the storm door window etc. and emptied the trash cans "just in case" I was in labor. And delivered early the next morning. So I think one reason my To Do list is as long as it is still, is that I'm petrified that if I get too diligent about it, it'll mean that Baby Is Coming Soon!