Share your story of lying in with your baby

[urmysunshyn]

Hello mamas.

I'm curious to know what people's approaches are for the time just after your baby's birth. How long was the period of time that somebody took care of you? Who was it and what did they do? Clean, cook, watch baby, etc.

Did you feel very connected to baby or were you stir crazy?

I'm due in 3 weeks and trying to figure out a plan for myself. It would be nice to have some help setup in advance for food prep and childcare of my toddler.

Thanks!

[DayDreamer]

subbing to this.

I, too, am intrested in what others have to say about this. I am thinking of taking the lying in aproach after this birth. With my first child, a hospital birth, I left the hospital and didn't get home for about 10 hrs later. We *had* to stop at my grandma's and everyone came there and *met* the new baby. With my second child, a homebirth, I wanted to get out of the house as soon as my MW left. We went to grandma-in-laws and had had lunch and dinner (it was relaxing) and then we went "out" with the new baby...to my work, to visit, etc. At the time it was what *I* wanted, but I think I've changed (gotten old, haha). The idea of staying home, relaxing, bonding, etc. is more appealing to me. Then I think I'd like a welcome type gathering where everyone can come *meet* the baby in a week or so. Also with this being my third, I think I'll need the adjustment time more. I dunno.

So, yeah, I'm really intrested in what other families have done.

[yasmel]

W/ my 1st, a hosp. birth, I was a single mom, people did come to visit and meet the baby but I did everything by myself. The only thing my family did was come clean my apt. the day before I got out of the hosp. I was out and about w/ baby at 3 days postpartum.
W/ this one, I am still a single mom, but I do feel more tired, so I might take some time to relax. Some friends have already offered to take my big boy to school and to pick him up. We will see when the time gets here.

[Persephone]

I was induced at a hospital. I stayed there for two days after the birth. Obviously there, the nurses took care of my every need. Dh got to room in with me and the baby, and my mom was there for the birth and visited every day I was there. No one else came (I didn't want them to.)

Then I went home, and dh and my mom did all the cooking and cleaning for two weeks. (Mom did most of it, but dh helped.) I lost a lot of blood, so I was really too weak to walk around for a while. I began taking short trips around the room in the hospital, and then again at home, but I really needed my mom there for two whole weeks. I did NOTHING but take care of my baby. It was wonderful. After two weeks, we opened the house to guests, and family and close friends came by. My mom left, and my MIL came to visit. She didn't stay with us like my mom did (thank goodness!!!), but she was over every day for two more weeks, cooking dinner for me, and watching the baby, and such. I was able to start doing more around the house slowly, and when she left, I was able to be pretty much totally back on my feet. I loved my lying in, and wouldn't have it any other way! Those newborn days are sacred, and I will always remember them as a holy time where we were seperate from everything else for a while. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off, and the grandmothers come with the next baby too.

[chickieleighc]

I had my son at the hospital, and we stayed for a bit less than 48 hours. My parents and DH's parents came to visit us at the hospital during that time, but only DH and I held the baby. They got to "oooh" and "awwww" from a short distance.

The next three weeks were my beautiful babymoon. DH stayed home from work for the first week. We rarely had visitors, and I spent the majority of the time snuggled in bed nursing my little one. The key to making this work is to have lots of frozen foods in disposible containers (or a DH or mother who will do dishes ), lots of comfortable clothing to wear and re-wear to minimise the laundry, and not a care in the world about clutter. On the few occasions anyone stopped by for a short visit, I would just apologise for the mess and try to keep them in the front room so they wouldn't get comfortable and stay for very long. The only person I was comfortable with coming in, getting comfortable and holding the baby was my wonderful doula. I was so excited for her to visit and see DS.

I don't think anyone held DS other than myself, DH, or our doula for more than three weeks. It was a precious time. I was lucky to have a very hands-off family who respected my wishes for short visits and didn't ask to hold him. I just wasn't comfortable handing him off to anyone for awhile.

[coop_mom]

Today is Simon the new babe's 1 week birthday We got home from the hospital last Friday and have enjoyed being taken care of by my mom and DH. My sis was here over the weekend, too.

We've had visitors, and I've enjoyed the company, but it has been nice to have down time with baby, too.

Round two of helpers comes this Friday - Dad and step-mom. Not sure we'll need the continued help, but I ended up having a c-section after 24 hrs of laboring at home, so it's nice to be able to sit home and chill (I'm usually a go-go-go person, so this is new to me )

We originally had a meet the baby shindig planned for this weekend, but baby came over a week after EDD and not quite as expected, so we're just having visitors instead of an arranged gathering.

Good luck to all

[Mama Poot]

With my first, I had a hospital birth...but I wasn't really taken care of until I went home. My MIL came from FL to stay with us for a week. She cooked and cleaned and kept me company. She came again when I had Henri and did the same thing, only this time she did that AND watched after Paddy. I spent the first 24-ish hours sleeping in bed with my newborn. I got out of bed on the second day, but it was short lived because my chest muscles were so strained I could hardly stand up straight One of the sweetest moments for me was immediately after Henri's birth when I nursed him for the first time. He nursed for a looooooonnnng time, and I was just ecstatic to be breastfeeding again and I felt very grateful for being given what is to me, a second chance. Things just got so messed up with Paddy, and having Henri has given me a chance to make up for lost time and right some wrongs.

[urmysunshyn]

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

I'm trying to make plans now to have as much help as possible.

My goal is to have as much time to babymoon as possible.

I'm planning on having my doula come every day or every other day to prepare a meal for us, clean up the kitchen, and possibly help take care of baby!

I don't mind visitors that stay for a little while but I'm worried about the inlaws coming into town and trying to take over like they usually do! I need to have a talk with dh *ahead* of time to determine when I'll be ready to have them visit. There's a fine line there because that's his support system, but they totally stress me out.

Also, If people want to visit, I was thinking of asking them to bring a healthy meal with them.

[zoebird]

like you, my in laws are meddlesome and pushy. my parents are less so, but even so, we really don't want our parents involved as we gain our footing with our first baby.

our current idea/plan is to do a retreat for 4-6 weeks with no guests--family or otherwise. we are considering a post-partum doula and a cleaning lady to help out with larger chores (my husband does about 85% of a job--which is ok, i can handle 15%). my hsuband is a great cook so there's no worries there.

and, we're thinking about retreating to a cabin or similar anyway--so that we can just be a family for a while without any interruptions, to be out in nature and enjoy ourselves for that first month or six weeks or so.

and then we'll set a date for a 'welcoming ceremony' for the baby so that family and friends can converge at the same time, meet the baby during one big ritual and party, and we can go from there.

my MIL is really, really upset about this idea. but she can stick it. . .LOL!

[lizabird]

A few random thoughts,

The first 2 weeks post-partum, I pretty much just hung around the house with baby and DH (it was also Thanksgiving so it was easy to get time off for us all).

We had a few friends and neighbors stop by with gifts of food/meals (wwhich was wonderful!).

When ds was 2 weeks old, my mom and her partner came and stayed with us for a few days and they're terrible cooks so we ordered carryout dinners for a few days and they cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen, and that was nice. I did hide out with baby in an upstairs bedroom much of the time they were here, but that was okay.

I get stir crazy easily and we went out for little walks every day starting about 3 days post-partum, just to get outside and see the world, and that was really great. I don't think I could stay inside my house the whole time. :

After mom/partner left, we had some more friends stop by with more meals, again, really really nice to have people to bring you some food. I think DH cooked a few meals but he hates to cook so we probably did a lot of frozen dinners that I had made beforehand and I cooked a little bit too. Actually, it was nice to more-or-less stay in my own routine, and get up and move around, so cooking a few meals was fine with me.

I know people say that new moms should be taken care of, but that would drive me nuts if someone did everything for me. I like to be up and about and I think that helped my post partum mood as well. I also didn't haave any big complications after birth so I was able to go about life more-or-less as usual, with the exception of a baby nursing all the time, and that was nice too.

Actually, thinking of that, be sure you have someone you can call about nursing if you have any problems. I ended up calling a couple of different lactation consultants that had been recommended to me.

Enjoy those early days with your new babe, they are really precious.

[ecoteat]

I had such a lovely few weeks at home with dd and dh (he works from home). I left the property once in the first two weeks to go to family's for dinner. The second time out with dd was for a friend's blessingway. Dh took care of me and I took care of our baby. I'm not like lizabird; I liked having no responsibilities other than nursing and cuddling--I was happy to stay cooped up in my bedroom as much as possible. We didn't have any overnight visitors for 4 weeks, when MIL came for a few days. By then I felt like we had enough of a handle on things to let someone into our little bubble.

[urmysunshyn]

Originally Posted by zoebird

like you, my in laws are meddlesome and pushy. my parents are less so, but even so, we really don't want our parents involved as we gain our footing with our first baby.

our current idea/plan is to do a retreat for 4-6 weeks with no guests--family or otherwise. we are considering a post-partum doula and a cleaning lady to help out with larger chores (my husband does about 85% of a job--which is ok, i can handle 15%). my hsuband is a great cook so there's no worries there.

and, we're thinking about retreating to a cabin or similar anyway--so that we can just be a family for a while without any interruptions, to be out in nature and enjoy ourselves for that first month or six weeks or so.

and then we'll set a date for a 'welcoming ceremony' for the baby so that family and friends can converge at the same time, meet the baby during one big ritual and party, and we can go from there.

my MIL is really, really upset about this idea. but she can stick it. . .LOL!

I broached the subject of when my inlaws can come to visit with my dh last night. Let's just say, that it went pretty badly! I suggested two possible weekend dates for his family to come. He *freaked*. He wants *his* support system to come whenever they want to! I don't think soooo!!! If they were local they could stop by for a short visit, but to stay several days is another thing!

I tried to explain that I get stressed because they impose their ideas about how a baby should be cared for on me. In the past they have told me,

"don't pick up the baby when she cries"

"leave her alone to sleep in her crib so she learns"

"formula is better"

"what does the doctor say" - Like what difference does it make what the doctor says???

One time they even cut off the feet of her pajamas because they said "she wouldn't grow"

ahhh!!!!


it's impossible to get him to see my point of view without offending him....

[MamaTaraX]

When I had my first (hosp birth), I felt that after the baby arrived, I wouldn't really need any help. I accepted any help offered. My husband worked 14 hour days six days a week at the time. The baby and I came home from the hospital. DH had cleaned the house up (though I had before anyway...I wans't living with DH all the time because I was babysitting my sister's kids part time and DH was gone so much anyway). Someone advised me to "sleep when the baby sleeps" So I did. My mom came by daily to help with cleaning or cooking. DH was very awesome. He'd come home and hold the baby. I slept, a lot. I was well fed and it was easy to make meals for just the two of us anyway. That was probably my favorite babymoon of the three I've had.

After my second's birth, people brought us lots of yummy meals, which was so greatly appreciated. My DH still worked wacky amounts of time but my oldest still napped, so I got lots of rest and enjoyed the time. It was summer, which helped alot because baby loved to go sit outside in the sling all day long (literally!)

After my third, I appreciated the people who came by to clean and play withthe other kids.

Namaste, Tara

[Megs_BK]

Originally Posted by urmysunshyn

I'm curious to know what people's approaches are for the time just after your baby's birth. How long was the period of time that somebody took care of you? Who was it and what did they do? Clean, cook, watch baby, etc.

Did you feel very connected to baby or were you stir crazy?

Thanks!

My answers...

My mom was here (Okinawa, Japan) for almost 3 weeks -- so over 2 weeks after Nevie's birth. She helped me "learn the business" -- gain confidence in clothing/diaper changes, bath time, and nursing. She cleaned and cleaned and cleaned! Our house sparkled every day. And she cooked wonderful dinners ever night. And then cleaned! She would take some of the early morning snuggle shifts with Nevie, too, if she could tell that I really, really needed some uninterrupted sleep. I felt a bit guilty about it, but then again not. Since we live an ocean away, I know my Mom was savoring every second that she had her hands on this baby.

As far as feeling connected to the baby... well, that really took a while. I felt so crappy for those first few weeks. It was so painful to get up and move around that I spent a lot of time afraid. Afraid I wouldn't be able to cope when Mom left. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to respond quickly to baby's needs. Afraid that I would start to resent baby for the pain I was still in. Generally MAD that I was in so much pain after doing everything "right" and having an unmedicated birth. I just had different expectations. So, my connecting to the baby had a lot less to do with being taken care of and just generally healing. It was a good four weeks before I felt like going for walks again. I still have moments of nasty pubic bone pain, actually.

And yes, despite the pain, I still got kind of stir crazy.

[urmysunshyn]

Megan,

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a difficult recovery. I also had a difficult time after dd #1s birth ...

So this time I want to focus more on myself for healing, my baby for bonding and let everybody else fend for themselves more or less.

How did it go once your mother left?