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Bad mom

post #1 of 6
4/1/03 at 4:53am
Thread Starter 
I lost it. I suck. DD has been thrashing around in her sleep a lot lately. I know she's cutting her first tooth and is acquiring all these new physical skills, but I haven't gotten more than 45 minutes of consecutive sleep for 2 weeks. I said, we're not co sleeping for awhile after she woke me by tossing around and it was morning and we had JUST gone to sleep. I put her in the moses basket and set her by dp's side of the bed and was like, HERE, you be the night time parent, if I don't sleep, I'm going a to be a bad mommy. Dp CHANGED HER DIAPER ON THE BED!!!
So I yelled at him for a second and he sweetly took dd to the living room and slept with her on the couch. I proceeded to cry violently for a few minues and then I fell asleep for and hour. But it was deep. I actually feel really refreshed, but I feel terrible about my outburst. As dp walked out with dd I almost asked him to bring her back. I felt like she was being torn away from me, but I knew I jsuy didn't have the patience to deal with any of her current issues. She also has a cold and is terriblt snotty. I ADORE sleeping with my girl and I can't imagine it any other way. I just really lost it this morning. I didn't really come here for anyone to say, "That's okay, don't be too hard on yourself." I mostly feel like confessing. Dp has been telling me all day that I'm still the best mom and that he thinks it's totally normal to lose your cool once in awhile. It's true that I do pretty much ALL the parenting. He's just gone so much he isn't there when I need the help and when he comes home I'd rather he play with me for awhile instead of taking the baby. I hate being away fom her. This is the first time I've slept without her since she was born. (Or I guess since conception) Anyway, I sitll stand on my high and mighty cosleeping horse, but I really was an ass today.
Lauren
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post #2 of 6
4/1/03 at 5:48am
Yup sometimes ap-ing sucks. It's a bit like those stories you hear about Chinese gymnasts ~ the result sure is wonderful, but does it really have to take so much pain and unrelenting discipline to get there?

oh and don't be too hard on yourself :LOL
post #3 of 6
4/1/03 at 8:35am
it happens to most of us, i think!
one night i got up out of bed and stomped away to the other bedroom and told sean he was on duty or all of us were going to be hurt. then i slept for an hour or 2 ALONE and as soon as i heard her whimper, i was back in the family bed, feeling human again.
post #4 of 6
4/1/03 at 9:54am
Ya gotta sleep sometime. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture. Better you get an hour of real sleep every now and then than run your car off the road, right? You cannot sacrifice yourself on the altar of AP to the point where you endangerer yourself and your child. ("You" meaning "one" here).

You weren't an ass, just a human.
post #5 of 6
4/1/03 at 10:20am
Oooooh, if that is your definition of "bad mom", C.P.S. is, without a doubt, coming to take my children away....
I'm like that on a weekly basis. No sleep, caring for another person 24/7... it's normal. You're only human. Just don't let your guilt interfere with your life. Say "Oops, better luck next time!" and try not to get too down on yourself!
post #6 of 6
4/1/03 at 12:59pm
Your confession is accepted. Do 20 "hail veganmamma's".

Now, remember that none of us is at her best in the middle of the night, exhausted, wakened again again again. I've done worse than that, I promise you!